Chapter 1
The young woman plunged her fingers in between the juicy swollen lips of her slit for the umpteenth time, biting down on her pillow to muffle her moans of pleasure. She was lying in bed, the sun approaching the eastern horizon as the minutes ticked by on her alarm clock. The hour was early, earlier than the time her parents woke up, but this was how she liked it. The girl liked to pleasure herself each morning, again after she got home, and a final time before falling asleep. You could say that this was the breakfast rub-out, also known as the most important rub-out of the day.
With each ticklish prod of her fingers, the adolescent girl could feel waves of vibrating warmth shivering along her insides, making her legs squirm as if she were having her reflexes tested during a physical. Her soft voice cooed in her arousal as the predawn light shined in through her window and illuminated the juices on her hand. Her pussy was so warm and soft, she could keep her fingers in it all day and never grow tired of her own touch and the feeling of her wetness.
But contrary to her sexual appetite and her almost obsessive need to pleasure herself each day, there was no specific image in her mind. She was not thinking of anyone, dreaming of some fantasy, or even remembering any erotic events in her life. Quite simply, she didn’t really have anyone that aroused her, she was too shy and unsure of herself to even imagine a fantasy, and the fact that she had gone this long without having her first kiss or losing her virginity explained why she didn’t have a cache of sensual memories to draw on for inspiration. Anyone who knew her outside of this bedroom wouldn’t even recognize the writhing scarlet-haired beauty, knuckle deep with her index and middle finger between her legs, mouth open and gasping for air like a dog in the shade, face blushing from sexual excitement, and free hand tracing her naked body.
Regardless of these hindrances, she was mostly content and didn’t really need anything more. She already had her large c-cup breasts, jiggling and bouncing with each movement of her slender body with her nipples erect and at their most sensitive in the cool early morning; she had her virgin slit, softer than the interior of the ripest fruit and dripping with nectar so delicious that she would gluttonously lick her fingers clean after each orgasm; and she had the self-knowledge of how reach that threshold. Struggling to suppress her moan with her face buried in her pillow, the young woman worked her fingers between her legs as euphoria consumed her and waves of vibrating heat coursed through her young tight body. Trembling from head to toe, she licked her fingers clean as her parent’s alarm began ringing down the hall. It was time to get up and start the new day.
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In his very Spartan bedroom, a young man sitting on the floor opened his eyes. The bedroom couldn’t really be called that, as there wasn’t a bed. The only pieces of furniture were a bureau full of clothes, a chair and desk for homework, and a shelf with a stereo and wide collection of CDs. With the sun rising and lighting his room, the teenager stood up and stretched, letting his muscles release the strain from the night of meditation. It was the start of a new day, one of the last.
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“Liam Harper?”
“Here.”
“Sydney Hess?”
“Here.”
“Lisa Jacobs?”
“Present.”
“Victoria Ellie?”
“Here.”
“Jack Owen?”
“He doesn’t come to this school anymore.” A student answered out of sync, prompting the substitute teacher to raise his glasses and look out over the US History classroom and count the juniors.
“Really?” the old man grumbled.
“Yeah, he was transferred to another school back in seventh grade, I don’t know why he’s still on the attendance list.”
“Very well then.”
“Actually, I’m here,” a voice announced, prompting everyone to turn around and look at the young man standing in the door.
Built with a tall lean build, Jack had messy blond hair, a pale-tan complexion, bright grey eyes, and a permanent small smile like that of someone walking out of school on a Friday afternoon. His smile was also mixed with strong confidence, as if he could get into a heated debate with someone and crush any argument without even having to hesitate and think, or be challenged to a fistfight and dodge every attack as if his opponent were moving in slow motion. It had been years since anyone had seen him, and he was exactly as everyone remembered.
Staring at him most intently was the girl who had last been called for attendance. Victoria Ellie was a beauty by anyone’s standards with sun-kissed skin, eyes like sapphires, and long scarlet hair that was tied into a ponytail that went almost all the way to her waist with two long locks framing her angelic face. As well as beautiful, she had a figure that would drive any man insane: C-cup breasts, a narrow waist with a flat stomach, and an ass taut enough to bounce a quarter across a room at the end of her hourglass figure. Her outfit consisted of a pair of tight jeans, a slim-fitting red sweater, and a pair of boots.
She was a very kind and sweet girl, not being afraid to voice her opinions and reach out to others. But regardless of her energetic personality, physical beauty, and recently indulged sexual appetite, she was normally timid and quiet with guys, always being too nervous to go out on dates. She was terrified of being judged and rejected and remained quiet around boys, telling herself that she would date when she was ready. Sometimes though, she wondered if the reason why she was so nervous around guys but was always so horny was because she was actually a lesbian and had just not realized it.
However, there was one boy that she had always adored and who managed to bring out her talkative and confident side when no other guy could, and he was the student she thought she would never see again. The reason for her infatuation was simple; Jack was the friendliest guy in school and was never sad or upset. No matter what happened, he would shake it off, look on the bright side, and keep smiling, and everything he said was enlightening. But it was more than just an overjoyed attitude, an attempt to win the approval of others, or even an overly zealous religious belief. It was like he truly had a reason to be happy, like he had just heard good news and nothing could ruin his mood. He was also brilliant with an optimistic personal philosophy and approach to life, like the Dalai Lama but much more joyful. In fact, the reason why he hadn’t been seen in years was because he had been attending a school for the gifted, having possessed a natural talent for everything he tried.
The teacher put down the attendance clipboard next to the small calendar on the desk, which read the 1st of December, 2012. “All right, take a seat at any of the open desks and we’ll begin today’s lesson.”
Jack began maneuvering through the cramped classroom as cheerful as ever, bending back and forth as he moved between the cramped desks and the bored students. With their proximity growing each second, Victoria began to shiver with nervousness. Would he sit near her, would they be able to talk? It had been years since they spoken, and they were more acquaintances than friends. Was he the same as before? Was he here to stay? Should she try to make a move during or after class? Would he date her? It was questions like this, a vast torrent of confusion and excitement swirling in her mind, that distracted her so much that she didn’t even notice Jack coming up to her.
“Victoria Ellie, it is nice to see you again. May I sit here?” he asked, motioning to the empty desk next to her. At the sound of her name, Victoria nearly jumped out of her chair.
“Oh, of course! Uh, go ahead! And it’s really great to see you too; I missed you! I mean—” she yelped, blushing in embarrassment.
“Thank you very much.”
——————————————————
The class went on as it normally would, with the substitute teacher continuing on the lecture from where the normal teacher had left off, occasionally asking questions of the students. Always the first to raise his hand was Jack, though this was no surprise, as he had always been—not so much “eager” or “excited”—but happy to answer them. Throughout the class, Victoria watched him with interest and adoration, comparing him to how she remembered and failing to see even the slightest change.
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“Jack, would you like me to show you around the school? I’m not sure if you’ve been told where your classes are, but I would be happy to help you,” Victoria offered, running up to Jack as he walked down the hall from the first period of the day.
Walking past rows of maroon lockers with scores of students shuffling past them like salmon at spawning season, the two adolescents had to speak with slightly-raced voices to be heard. Victoria didn’t know why she had made that offer, normally she would be too hesitant to talk to Jack, but after seeing him again after so many years, she felt like her chances were slim and she had to make the most of them.
“Oh, no thank you. I know where to go.”
Victoria winced from the rejection, but felt the need to take the initiative revitalize her.
“Well do you mind if I walk with you? It’s been ages since we last talked.” She knew that she risked coming off as desperate but was willing to take the risk.
“I would enjoy that very much. Though unfortunately, I don’t know much about you, would you care to enlighten me as to what lies in the past of the pretty red-headed girl beside me?”
A loud thump echoed through the hall, triggering the scared mutterings and calls of fellow students. Jack looked back to see the unconscious Victoria, laying on the floor after fainting from the compliment with a smile on her blushing face.
“Hmm, something tells me that you are an interesting girl,” Jack chuckled.
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The small cot was cold and not very soft, but it was more comfy than the floor she had passed out on. Victoria looked around the dark room, recognizing the nearby sink and cabinets as those of the school nurse, with the posters about colds and human body being the largest clue. Hearing the sound of humming, Victoria raised her head and looked to the corner, where Jack was sitting with his eyes closed and his usual smile.
“Ah, I’m glad you’re awake,” the young man said, opening his eyes as she stirred.
“How long have I been asleep?”
“About twenty minutes, the nurse was certainly worried when I came into her office with you in my arms.”
“You… carried me?” she asked with a blush.
“I’m sorry, I hope you don’t mind. I had no thoughts other than getting you here if that’s what you’re worried about.”
“Oh, no! I’m just grateful, that was a really sweet thing to do. Wait, twenty minutes? Aren’t you late for class?”
“Oh, I have a study hall right now. But even if it was something else, to me, making sure you’re safe is more important than any class.”
Victoria was unsure of what to say next, after all, Jack was even kinder than she remembered, but was he being so nice because maybe he liked her? “That tune you were humming, what was it?”
“Pachelbel’s Canon in D-Major, a melody of the ages. I believe music is probably the greatest achievement of mankind, as it is the almost divine manipulation of sound waves and atomic vibrations into a lullaby for the senses, even to animals.” Victoria smiled, having finally gotten something out of him. “Now please, I would like to continue our conversation in the hall. Tell me about yourself, please. I’d like to know more about you.”
Victoria’s smile widened into an ecstatic grin; she never believed she would get this far, but it was as if her dreams were coming true before her eyes. The nurse was in the next room in her office, but if they talked quietly, she wouldn’t hear them.
“Why are you interested in me?” she asked, trying to gauge his perception of her.
“Because I find you interesting. Besides, I love to learn as much as I can about other people, as they are probably the greatest sources of the most intriguing information. Through your words, I can peer into your soul and try to understand what makes you who you are.”
Victoria’s chest warmed at his words. That philosophical tendency of his, it hadn’t changed a bit. “Well, I’m sixteen, I grew up here in Maine, my parents are divorced, I’m pretty shy, I love to draw in my free time, and I’m hoping to do a lot of traveling after college. What about you?”
“Like you, I was born and raised in this state, my parents are together, and I love everything. For hobbies, I guess you could say that just admiring the world and taking in knowledge is my main form of entertainment. I’m not quite sure what I want to do after I graduate.”
“How can you love everything?” Victoria asked, turning around on the cot so that she was lying on her stomach with her chin resting on her hands.
“Half of reality is what happens, the other half is how you perceive it. Depending on how you look at something, you can be lucky enough to see the true beauty in it, or at least look past the bad aspects.”
“Well do you love me?”
“Yes, in a manner of speaking. I am grateful to be able to talk to you like this, I am glad that I get to look into your past and see who you truly are, I admire your beauty, and I want to get to know you.”
At the first word of his reply, Victoria began to tremble. Never in her wildest dreams had she imagined it would be like this, was this really happening? Did she truly have a chance with him?
“Jack, do you feel about me differently than you feel about others?”
“Only in that I know more about you now than I do most of the students here.”
Victoria smiled. ‘That’s a good start.’
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Throughout the day, Victoria carried a smile that stretched from ear to ear as she walked down the halls. She had already been barraged with questions from her friends about why she had fainted and if she was sick, but she would always answer with a cheerful denial of any problems. Why wouldn’t she be happy? She had her foot in the door, an edge on any other women with their eyes on Jack. Jack himself was always seen on his own, never walking with friends or talking to anyone. This was not unusual being it his first day back to school, but whether he was alone or not, he was always smiling and humming, as if he knew something good that everyone else was unaware of.
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“Gentlemen, please, there is no need for violence,” Jack said, facing a towering Senior who had his fingers clamped around the collar of a terrified Sophomore who was being held off his feet against a row of lockers. People walked by without a second glance, not wanting to get involved and ignorant as to how they were fueling the Senior’s sadistic attitude. As mentioned, the man towered over Jack and was heavily built, fitting his star position on the school football team.
“This doesn’t concern you fag, piss off,” the high school gorilla threatened.
“There is no reason for violence, no reason to harm others, so why do you do it? Has this boy done something to trigger your anger, or are you using him as a way to release the strain from the troubles in your life? Tyler Deck, what is your reason to inflict pain?”
“It’s none of your fucking business!” Tyler growled, dropping his victim and turning to the fearless challenger.
“You’re harming and intimidating this young man here, is it his business? There is no need to make someone the victim of the problems in your life, so what is the purpose of these harmful acts?”
Tyler bit his lip, trying to come up with a response. In truth, he had never asked himself why he did the things he did, but now this stranger before him, this smiling punk, was standing up to him in a way he had never before seen. Even more, Jack was saying everything with a cheerful disposition, but there was a certain force to it, like he wasn’t going to allow Tyler to weasel his way out of explaining himself. There was nothing personal in this, it was like he was a mirror showing Tyler his true self and turning him on himself. Now, people were starting to stop and watch.
“Because I can.”
“Oh, now that’s not really an answer. We are all capable of an almost unlimited number of things, but we don’t go through with them. Everyone here is capable of violence just as you are, but what matters is the reason. What is your reason?” Tyler clenched his hands into fists and looked down at Jack almost fearfully. “Do you get enjoyment out of harming others? Does it help you deal with issues in your own life?”
“Yeah, it does,” Tyler barked out of spite.
“Then punch me. Punch me as hard and as many times as you want,” Jack said without any worry in his voice.
All of the spectators gasped and began muttering amongst themselves and all the blood drained from Tyler’s face. “Wait… what?”
“If you need someone to act as your punching bag so that you can resolve your issues, then I would be happy to play that role. Feel free to break my nose, it will heal. Knock out some teeth if it will help you, I have plenty. Snap some bones if you want, the hospital isn’t a long drive from here. If it means helping someone deal with their problems and heal from traumas in their lives, then any pain that I must endure is an easy price.”
“Jack, what are you doing?!” Victoria exclaimed, having arrived and now forcing her way through the crowd of spectators.
“Ah Victoria. I must ask that you please stand back and no one interfere. Tyler Deck, do whatever you need to.”
Trembling very uncharacteristically, Tyler threw a punch, striking Jack on the left side of his face and knocking him to the ground. But regardless of how it had looked to everyone watching, the punch had barely been a fraction of its true potential.
“Jack!” Victoria cried out, rushing over to him.
“Thank you, Victoria, I greatly appreciate your care. But please, stay back,” Jack said before standing up.
“Didn’t that hurt?” Tyler asked, surprised that Jack was able to maintain his smile, even with his cheek already turning dark from the forming bruise.
“Yes, it did. The key is not minding that it hurt. Now, did that help? Did throwing that punch make you feel better?”
“No…”
“Really? If it didn’t work, you can punch me again,” said Jack without any pity, sarcasm, condescension, or contempt. When Tyler didn’t respond, Jack took a deep breath. “The reason you said “because I can” held a meaning that you didn’t understand. You said it because it meant that you had power over others, that you had freedom. You hurt others because it means it is something you have control over. However, when I offered to serve as your punching bag, there was nothing for you to get out of it. There was nothing for you to take, nothing to seize, nothing for you claim as an expression of control. In truth, you hated punching me, because you finally felt the guilt of inflicting harm on another person. There was no reward for you, only a pure look at what you’ve been doing all this time.
I won’t ask you what it was that made your need for control so great, but I will ask that you reflect on this and take a good look at yourself. The reason for your need for violence goes deeper than what I explained. In order to end this meaningless cycle, you must look deep inside and discover the Self.”
“The Self?”
“The point from which all personality, actions, and thoughts originate. It is the true form of you, no less and no more than itself. It is the answer to all questions within you, all your confusions, and all your irrationalities. Through discovering the Self, you can understand who you are, what shapes the person known as Tyler Deck, and why he does the things that he does. You must do this so that you will come to terms with why you act violent towards the people around you.
There is no reason to cause harm to others. If someone says something mean, the only harm comes from you giving their words value. If someone takes something from you, your pain comes from the needless obsession with that object. If someone hurts you, it will mean nothing as long as you are wise enough to accept the damage you receive, know that your body will heal, and ignore the delusion that it has any affect on your mind.
Thank you very much for allowing me to be of help.”
Jack gave a grateful nod of his head and walked away.
——————————————————
“I certainly didn’t expect to arrive at the school nurse’ office twice on my first day back, both times with you,” Jack chuckled.
Sitting next to him on the cot, Victoria smiled and pressed an ice pack against his cheek, making him twitch. “Well you took care of me after I fainted, the least I can do is take care of you after being a hero.”
“Thank you, but I wasn’t a hero. I was just trying to help remove some violence.”
“Well you were a hero by our standards. I swear, you’re just as I remember you; the nicest guy in the world. You’d do anything to make others happy but without expecting anything in return. I’m surprised you haven’t already donated all of your organs.”
“It’s a shame we didn’t know each other better back then, you were always so quiet and yet hiding such a sweet soul.”
Victoria’s smile shrank, but only due to the shyness added. Was this meeting fate? “Actually, I’m not normally this nice. I’m not a bad person I mean, I just don’t really talk to guys. My friends all know me as being really nice and energetic, but I just get really nervous and quiet around boys.”
“And yet you’re this kind to me? I’m honored.”
Victoria looked around for the nurse, but she had left her office next door a few minutes ago and hadn’t returned. They were alone.
“Well, there’s a reason for that… Jack, what do you think of me? I mean… would you be attracted to me?”
Instead of answering, Jack gave a small laugh. It wasn’t a mocking laugh or a laugh of condescension, but merely a chuckle as if remarking on the amusement of a specific coincidence. “Before I answer that question, I think you should answer it.”
Victoria nearly jumped at the response, having never expected him to be blunt in this way. “What do you mean?”
“You’ve asked me for my opinion of you a few times today, all of which while blushing. Plus, even though we didn’t know each other back before I left, you’ve been taking every opportunity to follow me and talk to me. I hope you’ll pardon me for being so blunt and presumptuous, but I think you’re attracted to me. If I’m wrong, then I’m sincerely sorry if I’ve made you uncomfortable.”
“No, you’re wrong!” Victoria exclaimed.
As soon as the words were spoken, she bit her lip. Why did she say that? Shouldn’t this have been the moment she confessed her feelings? Wasn’t this the perfect moment to come out and say it? And yet… she was terrified.
“Very well, I apologize.”
Victoria smiled as she felt her feelings grow stronger. “Tell me, Jack, how did you know what to say to Tyler? He’s always been an asshole, but it’s like you broke him?”
“Humans are not difficult to understand, you need only find the key to their reasoning to shape who they are. Say the right words and you can completely reshape someone’s personality and thought process. Events create people and identities, so if you can turn your words into an event, you can create a whole new identity for someone. The easiest way to do that is to reveal their true selves, for that is the most effective way to make someone change.”
“What do you mean?”
“People act the way they do because they don’t understand why they do it. It is human nature for people to expand beyond their horizons, therefore, whenever you give them a limitation, they are compelled to go beyond it. Children wish to see the world outside their home, adolescents wish to see the minds outside their own, adults wish to see what lies ahead of them in all aspects, and the elderly wish to see meaning in their lives and in their children. People do this in the search of the truth, the truth to everything, and they are always searching for it. However, the truth is not set in stone, it varies from person to person based on their perception. Therefore, since the truth can take any form, it cannot technically exist since it does not have a definition.
Regardless, people search for the truth into infinity and are by nature compelled to go beyond their limitations. If you tell someone that the earth is flat, they want to see what lies at the end of it and go off the edge. If you tell someone that the earth is round, then they want to see what lies on other planets. If you tell someone that they are living in a virtual world, they want to see the true reality. If you tell someone that they are figment of someone else’ imagination, they want to prove they are real and raise themselves to the level of their creator.
If you summarize someone, you confine them to one perception and path, essentially forming limitations for them. From that point on, they cannot live as themselves without wanting to go beyond what you described them as. If you tell an alcoholic exactly why he drinks, and you say it with such accuracy that he realizes you are completely right, then he feels trapped by his alcoholism and wants to break free of it. Alcohol had originally been his whole world, but now you’ve shown him that there are more worlds and he’ll instinctively want to explore them.
If you can guide someone to find the Self, then they achieve full understanding of who you are and you feel compelled to change. You feel compelled to break free of the restrictions of your definition. If I were to strike one of your nerves and tell you to look for your Self, your entire view of reality would change and so too would your identity. I wouldn’t have to be the one to define you, you would do it yourself after I initiated it.”
Victoria gained a coy grin. “Ok, try me.”
“Very well, but don’t get angry with what I ask.”
Reaching out, Jack grasped her hand and smelled it, puzzling Victoria. “Tell me, how often do you pleasure yourself?”
In that one moment, Victoria’s face became deathly white and she almost screamed in shock. Not only was it the most personal an inappropriate question she had been asked in her life, but even without saying anything… he was right! He had brought up the one thing that she worked to hide more than anything else!
“Wh-what are you talking about?” she stammered, pulling her hand from him.
“That smell, that sweet tea-leaf aroma that is sunk into your flesh. It’s the smell of a girl who pays a lot of attention between her legs, both maintaining it and enjoying it. I caught it when you pressed the ice pack against my face and the pheromones within that scent have been driving my hormones crazy. I picked up the scent of saliva as well, meaning you probably use your mouth to clean your hand afterwards. I also smelled plenty of soap, so that means you wash your hands thoroughly after. I only mention that to commend you for that habit. However, like a said, the scent has sunk into your skin.
Now, here is where you start spinning. You have nearly an obsessive hobby of self-pleasure, but you’re timid around guys and don’t go on dates, so I’m certain that you aren’t a sex-addict. But that leaves the question of what lies in your mind while it is taking place. What arouses you? If you are so shy around the opposite sex and so introverted when it comes to guys, then is it possible that you are in fact a lesbian? I don’t think so, because regardless of wait you say, I’m pretty sure you are attracted to me.
You are biologically attracted to men, but your fear of them and your reason for your need to pleasure yourself so frequently are obviously a mental factor. Are you afraid of sex? No, that contradicts your hobby. Are you afraid of intimacy? Well, I think it’s a little more complicated than that. Your body is telling you that it is a man who should be satisfying you, but instead of going on dates, you are quite literally taking matters into your own hands, as if trying to suppress your heterosexuality. You are trying to take care of the matter yourself…
You seek independence, sexual independence, but I believe you seek independence in general. You want to be completely dependent on yourself because you don’t believe others can give you what you want. It’s why you are so energetic with your friends, but you are so hesitant to put yourself into someone else’ hands for a relationship. You have trust issues, not just towards men, but towards everyone. I think that is the secret you have to find: why do you alienate yourself from the idea of a romantic relationship? If you can find your Self, then you will find your answer and you will understand yourself.
Thank you for helping me and I hope that what I have said will in turn help you. If you would please excuse me, I’m late for my next class.”
After giving a nod of gratitude, he got up and walked out, leaving Victoria sitting on the cot with her mind spinning.
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Snow fell from the thick grey clouds, moving as slowly as their shed frozen specks drifting from their folds. Jack was walking home from his first day back, having decided to forgo taking the bus and to instead enjoy the snowfall. By the school was a gas station, serving as a popular hang out and rest stop for students after school or even during. It was surrounded by picnic tables even had an ice cream window, but in this weather, no one would normally be out. Normally. Humming Beethoven’s third symphony, Jack’s attention was drawn by a woman’s voice from beside the gas station.
“I haven’t seen you around here. Are you new?” he heard, prompting him to turn to the young woman standing to the side of the gas station, using the building as shelter for the wind. She was shorter than Jack with blond-auburn hair, a pair of fake-tattered jeans with leather boots that almost went up to her knees, a designer-brand tan coat, and a joint between her fingers.
“You could say that. I used to attend this school district before being transferred elsewhere. This is my first day back since leaving. I’m Jack Owen, what is your name?” he asked as he approached.
“Kelly, Kelly Ross. Well now, there is nothing better than a little fresh meat, they are the most grateful for the blowjobs. How about it newbie? At a “welcome back” discount, I’ll suck you off and empty you of cum.”
“I take it this is a hobby of yours?” he asked as he watched her take a deep inhale from the marijuana cigarette between her fingers.
“You could say that. I think of it as more of a profession. Come on newbie, do you want it or not? If you don’t want my mouth, I got plenty of other holes to get you off with.”
“If you don’t mind me asking, did you start doing this before or after you began using drugs? The lining around your eyes, your thinning cheeks, your dulling hair, discolored fingernails, and chafed nose tell me that pot isn’t everything you do.”
“What’s it to you, faggot?!”
“I’m just curious. Did you begin your job as a prostitute before or after you got into drugs?” he asked as politely as possible.
“Get the fuck out of here!” Kelly yelled, angry at the intrusive question.
Reaching into his pocket, Jack drew his wallet and extracted a $20. “Will this convince you to keep talking to me?”
Kelly’s eyes shifted from Jack to the money several times, before she eventually reached out and snatched the bill. Grabbing him by the collar, she pulled him behind the gas station, where they hid from the wind in the small pocket created by the tiny wooden shack around the building’s water heater. She then got down on her knees and began unfastening Jack’s belt.
“Excuse me, I said I only wanted to talk to you. You do not have to perform oral sex if you don’t want to.”
“Consider this the obligation of a slut.”
She unzipped his pants, moved his boxers out of the way, and wrapped her fingers around his manhood. Even though Kelly’s hands were fairly cold, Jack showed no reaction to her touch and his manhood refused to show any weakness.
“Tch, no wonder you’re so confident; you haven’t shrank at all in this cold.”
Lowering her head, she pressed her lips against the head of his cock and took it into her mouth. Jack stirred with his smile twitching from the physical sensation as her head began moving back and forth with a wet squishing sound echoing from her mouth.
“So, like I asked before, did you start doing this before or after you began using drugs?”
“Before,” she grunted, taking his cock out of her mouth and smearing it across her face.
“So you don’t sell your body to support your drug use, or at least you didn’t originally. That means that both actions have a common source,” Jack began as Kelly stroked his cock while sucking on his balls. Even while out in the cold with a layer of varnish-like saliva coating the shaft and head, Jack remained rock-hard and at full length.
“You sure talk a lot for a guy getting sucked off,” Kelly remarked, spitting onto the tip of his dick and stroking it.
“Well this is my first time, I can’t say I know the proper protocol. However, I did say I wanted to talk to you.”
Kelly stopped and looked up at him. ‘This is weird, no one acts this way on their first time. Is he lying? No… he’s been too upfront and blunt to seem like the kind of guy who would lie about something like this. I’ve never seen him before, so I doubt he has a crush on me. There is something about him, something off… In these temperatures, he should barely be able to keep it up. I would normally ridicule him for being unable to stay stiff and coerce him into giving me more money. But instead, he’s staying at full strength and is completely calm. It’s like he doesn’t even feel the cold or me, but it’s more than that; it’s like he hasn’t even acknowledged what I’m doing. It’s like this means absolutely nothing to him. Who the hell is this guy?’
She resumed, this time with more enthusiasm and energy. Her head was bobbing back and forth like a woodpecker’s, with a gurgling gum-chewing noise being given off along with bubbles of foaming saliva from the corners of her mouth. She repeatedly took his cock out of her mouth and smeared it across her face and neck almost lovingly, ruining her makeup before spitting on it, giving it a quick stroke, and then continuing to deep-throat it. Her mouth was as soft as it was wet and she was using every spot to pleasure Jack, as well as all of her skills.
“Your clothes are all high quality, meaning that your family is well off, though they aren’t so overdone so as to seem that your parents are buying your love or using money as a substitute to make it seem like they love you. That rules out that you do this for attention, because either they don’t know or they accept you. You have parents to supply you with money you need for normal things, but you didn’t start selling your body to pay for your drug habit.”
“Damn it, will you just finish up and cum already? I’m paid to fuck, not spill my life story,” Kelly demanded.
Jack sighed and momentarily lost his smile. “Very well.” A jet of semen sprayed from the head of his cock without so much of a twitch or shiver from Jack. Sending up clouds of steam in the frigid air, the thick white sperm splashed across Kelly’s face and filled her mouth, as well as getting caught in her hair.
“Jesus, tell me next time!” she yelled, wiping off her face with far more disgust than she usually would.
“I’m sorry, I thought you were expecting it.
It appears that you don’t quite get any satisfaction out of this. Basically you sell yourself for money that you don’t need without getting any pleasure out of it, all while snorting, smoking, and injecting anything you can get your hands on. You clearly have too much of an ego to be punishing yourself, so why do you go down this path of destruction? It doesn’t seem like you hate yourself, no, it’s more like you don’t understand yourself.”
As he spoke, Kelly became dead-still, looking down at the ground.
“That’s why you do drugs, you hope that the altered perception will let you truly see yourself so you know who you are, and in the meantime, you desperately degrade yourself at any opportunity because you would rather focus yourself on someone else than be left alone with nothing to do but look inwards. You don’t have to think about yourself as a person when you are busy punishing the back of your throat with the manhood of a total stranger. You are trying to throw yourself down to rock bottom because you believe that to be the only way you’ll ever get any comprehension of who you are.”
Kelly stayed on her knees in the snow, taking slow shallow breaths and refusing to look up at Jack. The words had hit her, almost literally; they had physically “hit” her and knocked the wind out of her. She had never wondered why she did the things she did, and in all honesty, she had no idea if Jack was right or not, but never before had she felt so deeply touched by simple words. She felt like Jack’s explanation had just triggered the release of long-lost memories now flooding into her subconscious. She felt a form of fullness that she had never in her life experienced, like she had been holding her breath for years and was now finally able breathe the sweet cold air. But there was more, she knew there was more, more to reveal.
“Who the hell are you?” she panted, feeling more vulnerable and exposed than ever in her life.
“I think that question would have more use if directed inwards. I enjoyed talking to you,” Jack said thankfully before walking off.
——————————————————
Victoria lay in her bed, completely naked, with her hand between her legs. But while she normally would be writing and panting in euphoria while working her fingers in her pussy like she was trying to get the last tic-tac in a pack, tonight she was still. She was looking out at the setting sun with her eyes half-open and her fingers unmoving between the lips of her slit. In fact, her fingers and pussy were getting sore from being joined for so long without any sort of movement. She removed her hand and brought her wet fingers up to her face, breathing in the smell of her essence.
Her mind had been a blur all day, so much so that she hadn’t even been aware when she took off her clothes and got into bed. But now, here she was, unable to find any enjoyment in what she had been almost obsessed with only that morning. Jack had been completely right, he had cracked her wide open like a walnut, and after having her darkest secret pulled to the surface, she knew she couldn’t go back to the way she had been. She didn’t know what was worse, that he had basically ruined masturbation for her, or that he had done it SO EASILY. If all the therapists on earth had fused together into one mind, that sentience would not have been able to come up with something that would have half the effect that Jack’s words had. What Jack had done was the equivalent to destroying a tank with a simple flick.
But she knew that she couldn’t blame Jack, he had only told her the truth, or at least part of it. He had only delved a certain depth into her psyche, leaving the path open for her to continue on herself. Herself… the Self, that’s what he was expecting her to find. And until she found it, she would never be at peace.
——————————————————
Tyler sat in his room with his face in his hands, shaking like a leaf in the breeze. For some reason, he felt… scared, downright terrified even. He felt more scared than ever in his life, so much so that he had already thrown up twice since encountering Jack. And yet, he had no idea what he was so afraid of, it wasn’t Jack. He couldn’t explain it, it felt like someone had come and cut him in half with a sword, and now his body was splitting in two and separating. He felt like how he expected a movie character to feel after checking to see if they had been shot and then raising their hands to reveal wet blood. What was he so scared of?
——————————————————
Kelly’s bed was shaking and creaking as her father thrust his manhood into her over and over again. Normally she would be active while he fucked her (something which happened almost every night before her mom got home), but tonight, she hadn’t even kissed him. She lay there like a blow-up doll, not showing the slightest reaction whether he picked up speed, slipped his tongue into her mouth, or sucked on her breasts. She had been fucking her dad for years, ever since she seduced him. He had never molested her; she had started it all, and she never even knew why she had done it. She just accepted him on top of her, shoving his cock into her pussy with the same rhythm as he always did. After about eight minutes, he looked up and began to grunt, telling her that he was close to finishing.
Finally, her father gave one great shake and Kelly could feel a jet of hot semen being shot deep into her insides and dripping from the lips of her snatch as he pulled out of her. As usual, he moved up and she sucked him off, slurping up every last glob of her father’s semen and licking off her own juices. It was just another part of their long-since established routine. Once he shot his second batch of cum into her throat, he sat down on the bed to catch his breath.
“Are you all right baby? You’re barely moving at all tonight. Is something wrong?”
“Yeah dad, I’m fine,” she sighed, as if bored.
“Are you sure? Come on, you can tell me.”
“Everything’s fine dad, there aren’t any problems. I’m just tired.”
“Well, ok. I should go get dinner started, your mother will be home soon. I think we’ll have pork chops tonight.”
He kissed his daughter on the forehead and walked out of the room. With her father gone, Kelly rolled onto her back and looked up at the ceiling. She had no idea why she had turned herself into daddy’s little whore, and now that she was finally questioning herself and everything else she did, she could feel disgust welling up inside her.
“What the fuck am I doing?”
——————————————————
Jack sat on the floor of his room, deep in a meditative slumber. In his mind, he was counting the seconds, trying to suppress his excitement as the destined day approached with each tick of the clock.
Chapter 2
Victoria was hovering in darkness, completely numb to all her senses and unable to form a single thought. She was wearing only her nightgown, but felt neither hot nor cold.
“What are your feelings for me?” she heard a familiar voice ask, clearing her mind and causing her eyes to bolt open. Hovering twenty feet away was Jack, smiling calmly and confidently as usual.
“Jack…? Am I dreaming?”
“Whether you are or aren’t, does it matter? I told you before that half of reality is how you interpret events and situations. If that is true, then is this world no more or no less real than the reality you think it differs from? You are aware, you are thinking, and this will affect you deeply, so even if this is a dream, does that not make this reality?”
Victoria’s body began to shake as each word he spoke shot deep into her mind like the sound of a hypersonic whistle to a dog. She could feel the words ripple through her soul like sound waves, but no sound had ever made her feel like this. What was going on?
“Are you the real Jack?”
The apparition only laughed. “Again, perception is everything. There is no “real Jack”, there is only Jack, the varying Jack for each and every person that he encounters. There is no single Jack, for to every person that perceives him, he is a completely new Jack, unique to the Jack that all others perceive. It is the same way for you; there is no one singular Victoria. Instead, there is an uncountable series of Victorias, limited only by the number of existences that can be aware of her, affect her, and are affected by her. The Victoria that you believe yourself to be is the not the Victoria that I believe you to be. Just like how no two people see the exact same rainbow, no one perceives someone the exact same way as someone else, meaning that there is no true form of that person.”
“Stop it! Just answer the question!”
“Tell me, how do you know that you are real?”
The sudden shift in the direction of questions surprised Victoria. “What are you talking about?”
“You know that whole cliché about whether or not someone’s existence isn’t just part of a story or even a figment of someone else’s imagination? What if it is true in some form of fashion? Right now you are bewildered, confused, desperate for answers, and unsure of what is going on. What if the only reason you are experiencing these things because I am projecting them onto you? Admit it, at this current moment, you aren’t sure what is real or not. So what is to say that you yourself aren’t real? You believe me to be the projection of what you interpret as Jack Owen while you sleep, but is it not possible that you are in fact the projection of what I interpret as Victoria Ellie?”
“That’s ridiculous, I know who I am!”
“And I know who I am. However, the question is which of us was programmed to say that by the consciousness that created this dream? How do you know that you are not really a part of my dream, a manifestation of my subconscious that is programmed like a computer to feel whatever I want you to feel? How do you know I am not dreaming and the confusion you feel is not an effort on my behalf to make you more realistic as a manifestation?”
Jack chuckled and then floated over to her. With inches between them, they stared deep into each other’s eyes, Jack into her trembling blues and Victoria into his unreadable grays. Raising his hand, he brushed the side of her face with his fingertips.
“How do you know that you didn’t just experience that sensation because I wanted you to experience it? When I touched you, it created a biological and psychological reaction. But how do you know I didn’t just create those reactions out of nothingness? Think of a memory, any memory. If you are merely a figment of MY dream, is it not possible that I am the one who created that memory for you, as well as your feelings about it and the impact of my words while you examine it?
Now what will really make you spin is the possibility that neither of us is the true creator of this dream, but we are both figments of the mind of the dreamer. Every word, every thought, every movement, all nothing more than lines of a script with us as robotic actors, programmed to do exactly what we are doing and existing only in this one realm.”
Victoria didn’t reply, she was taking slow shallow breaths and trembling all over, unable to break eye contact.
“From this point, what can you consider real? We’ve established that one or both of us is just a figment of someone’s imagination, but what is it that makes you think this is a dream? If the scenery were instead the main hall of the school instead of a black backdrop, with the two of us surrounded by fellow students that were all talking in conversations of individual topics, while outside the building, the weather was partly cloudy at say 33º, would you believe it was real or a dream? And if you wondered if it was a dream, are you sure that you aren’t supposed to, as programmed by the creator of this dream?”
At the mentioned scenario, the scenery changed to match his description, becoming the main hall of their high school. Students walked by, talking to each other in legitimate conversations. Jenny’s clothes had even changed, her nightgown being switched with one of her usual outfits. It was just like any other day, right down to the smallest details.
“Everyone here, every person you see, has their own thoughts as created by the dreamer. The boy who walked past us is thinking about the upcoming episode of American Idol, the boy behind you leaning against the wall is wondering if his girlfriend is cheating on him. The girl twenty feet away to my back left is wishing she could be back at home in bed. All these people, regardless of whether or not they were created by a dreamer, are thinking, are aware, and are playing their roles. How can you be sure that you are not another figment of the dream, playing the role of Victoria Ellie, who is being questioned on existentialism by Jack Own, while feeling scared and confused, as well as experiencing an uncomfortable itch with her bra strap or developing soreness in her feet due to her shoes?
If you wake from this “dream”, how can you know that you aren’t just in another dream? From now on, no matter what you do, how can you be sure that you are not just playing a role as assigned by the dreamer, no different than the aspect of light reflection of the tiles beneath your feet?”
The scenery faded back to the black backdrop, and Victoria’s clothes returned to being her nightgown. Yet she refused to speak, feeling like her mind was destabilizing under the weight of his speech. She wasn’t ready, she had nothing to balance herself with, nothing to use as a vantage point. She wasn’t in the right state of mind to handle something like this.
Jack moved his hand to her chin, gently lifted it, leaned forward, and kissed her. Dream or not, Victoria trembled at the sensation of their lips touching and felt like this could even be called her first kiss. After almost a minute of their lips joining and separating like waves against beaches, Jack slowly pulled away from her.
He leaned forward again, whispering into her ear while cupping her cheek. “Did that influence you? Did that affect you? If this is a dream, when you wake up, will you panting and shaking as you replay that kiss in your mind over and over again? Meaning, that is what dictates what is real or not. Let’s say for instance this is a dream, and your physical self dies, causing the end of this dream and forever ceasing its existence. Does that mean the dream wasn’t real? If the earth explodes, that will destroy your physical self and forever cease its existence. Does that mean your physical self was never real? If a dream isn’t real, than is every plane of existence that can be destroyed through the loss of the dimension it occupies not real?
Let’s say that I am just a figment of this dream. Are my words having as much an effect on you as if the “real” me had said them?”
His every breath caused her hair to flutter and sent waves of shivering warmth throughout her body.
“Yes,” she whispered, feeling like she was going to melt in his palm.
“Then doesn’t that make me real? If I have the same influence on you as the “real” Jack, then am I not the Jack you always perceive? When you talk to him, are you sure you are not merely talking to me, since I am what you interpret of him? After all, people always create meaning out of things that might not exist, but are you sure that is the case here? If I can touch you, kiss you, and shape your mind the way the “real” Jack would, then does that not make me real?”
“Yes,” she murmured again, feeling her womanhood beginning to warm as her emotions were transformed into physical sensations.
Jack leaned back and again stared into her eyes. “Then tell me, what are your feelings for me?”
“I… I don’t know.”
Jack wrapped his arms around her and held her close. “Yes you do, but you don’t want to say them because you are afraid of what they mean. You are afraid of how they will change you through speaking them and realizing them. Ignore your fears, ignore any thoughts of repercussions, ignore what you think I want to hear, ignore anything that’s holding you back, and just speak the words. I don’t care what they are, all that matters is that they are the truth in your heart. Say it, whatever it is, just say it.”
She buried her face in his chest. “I like you.”
“But you don’t love me? I must admit, it’s good that your feelings are taking time to develop; that’s the sign of a woman ready for adulthood. But what is the meaning of those words? Why were they so difficult to say? Forget the social meaning and forget the outside world. Just ask yourself why it was so hard to admit to liking or loving someone.”
“I don’t know, I thought I didn’t care, I thought I was happy, but I never realized how much of a hole it’s opened in my life! I’ve missed out on so much, all because of my irrational shyness! We could have been together before you left, everything could have been different and maybe you wouldn’t have needed to leave at all! I want to change, but I don’t know what to look for!”
She cried in frustration, gripping his shirt while he brushed her hair.
“Think back, Victoria. Why am I here? What did I say that affected you so strongly? Think back to the nurse’s office, think back to what it was that I said that shook you to your very core.”
“You said that I was afraid to love because I was afraid to depend on others. But I don’t know why that is, I don’t know why I’m so fearful. Tell me, please. I can’t be with anyone, even you, until I figure out what is wrong with me. I want to either be with you or go back the way things were before you showed me all this.”
“I can’t answer that question for you.”
“Please, I’m begging you! You know me better than anyone else and yet we’ve only talked a few times! I’ve never met anyone like you before in my life, you’re the closest I’ve ever come to being in love! You can fix me, you can make me happy! You know the answer, please, I just want to be at peace and know myself!”
She burst into fresh tears and crumbled like a destroyed building.
Crouching down, Jack again wrapped his arms around her and held her close. “I am but your subconscious. I only know what I can glean from you, you must tell me the rest if you want me to help you unlock the secret. I am only your guide, Victoria. You must walk this path towards enlightenment yourself. Find your Self, and you shall have your answer. I must go now.”
“No, please don’t go! I’ve never felt this way before, I’ve never felt this way about someone! Don’t leave me, stay here with me! I’ll do anything if you stay!”
“Don’t worry, Victoria, we won’t be apart for long. After all, I’ll see you tomorrow in history class.”
Victoria suddenly bolted awake in her bed, gasping for air and covered in sweat. What kind of dream was that?! Or… was it even a dream. Feeling her face, she wiped away mysterious tears, just like she had shed in her dream. In a mixture of laughing and crying in happiness, Victoria laid her head back down on her pillow. For the rest of the night, she played with herself tirelessly, finally having someone to fantasize about.
——————————————————
“What the hell are you doing here?!” Tyler demanded, pointing his finger at the apparition of Jack.
Just like in Victoria’s dream, the two adolescents were hovering in pure darkness. No, not darkness… it was like there was a form of light in this empty space, a form that only they could reflect back off in the form of visibility.
“Consider this a follow-up session. I must apologize for before, I didn’t leave you in the most stable state of mind and the awakening process should not have been initiated so publically. I’m hoping that now, we can make some progress.”
“Are you real? Or are you just in my head?”
“Of course I’m in your head, but does that take away any meaning? Consider this, if something I say influences you here, then is the cause to that effect real? Regardless of where these words come from, shouldn’t the meaning of these words maintain a consistent value? We left off today uncovering your fear of losing control, have you mulled over that?”
“Shut up! Get out of here! I want to wake up, wake me up!”
For once, Jack lost his smile, knowing the severity of the territory he was treading in. “You’re fearful, not of losing control but of facing your fear of losing control. I’m assuming that what truly terrifies you is not losing control itself, but being in a specific situation in which you lost control. There was an event in your past in which something was taken from you, your sense of safety and security, something in which you experienced a fear and helplessness that you had never before encountered. Tyler, were you molested?”
Sitting down on an invisible surface, Tyler sighed. “Why should I tell you anything? I don’t even know you, I don’t even know if you’re real.”
“You should tell me because I can help you shed the disguise of a bully that you have put up to protect yourself. I can help you so that you can live in peace, because I believe you are doing more damage to yourself than others. Besides, if I don’t quite fit into your view of what is real and what isn’t, then is there any harm in saying it out loud? If I truly don’t exist, then can this not merely be considered self-reflection?”
Tyler took a deep breath. “But if you’re just a part of this dream, then don’t you already know the answer?”
“Maybe I do and maybe I don’t, what matters is that you are able to vocalize and accept it.”
Tyler gave another deep sigh and looked down at the nonexistent ground. “It wasn’t me, it was my older sister. She took me to a movie on the night of my thirteenth birthday, and on the way back to her car, we were mugged. The bastards raped her and killed her right in front of me, and I wasn’t able to do anything. They stabbed me and left us both for dead, it was a miracle that I survived, but Elsa… I had to watch her torment with the knowledge that I was too powerless to help her.”
“Then I was mistaken. You do not perform acts of cruelty to protect yourself from being powerless, you do it to replicate the men you hate so much.”
“WHAT DID YOU SAY?!” Tyler shouted, getting up from the invisible surface that he had been sitting on and storming across the empty space towards Jack. “I AM NOTHING LIKE THEM! IF YOU SAY ANYTHING LIKE THAT, I WILL KILL YOU!” He grabbed Jack by the collar and held him off his feet.
“You are filled with guilt, you loath yourself for being unable to save your sister, so you disassociate yourself from that perception of yourself. You become what you think will protect you from the pain, and in the search of that bastion within yourself, you wonder how the monsters that brutalized and killed your sister can do such a thing, the only answer of which being that they feel no guilt. And so you mirror them, even without being aware of it. You hate them and you hate yourself, so you punish yourself by becoming what you despise most, while using it to protect yourself from your guilt.
You create this identity of a bully, turning yourself into an effigy of the ones you hate, so that you have something to turn that hate on.”
With tears beginning to bud from his eyes, Tyler pulled back his fist and punched Jack in the face as hard as he could, knocking loose a tooth and immediately bruising his cheek.
Jack hit the nonexistent ground and slowly got up. “Ever since our encounter, you’ve been terrified, but you have no idea of what. When there is nothing that man is afraid of, he becomes his own worst fear. You realized it when you first punched me, the pain you had been inflicting on others for no reason and for no enjoyment. You felt fear, fear of yourself and of what you had become. You saw yourself as the same men who tormented and killed your sister, and that terrified you, you were afraid of becoming as bad as them.”
Broken by Jack’s words, Tyler fell to his knees and began sobbing uncontrollably. It was all true, every word of it, and as each word played in his mind over and over again, he was assailed by waves of guilt for each and every violent act he had ever inflicted. He could see the faces of his victims, all the people who’s lives he had made difficult and unbearable, In their eyes he was finally able to see the same pain that he had been filled with.
“Do you want to be at peace? Both with yourself and with Elsa?”
“Y… yes…”
“Then you must gain the forgiveness of others, and finally, and most importantly, forgive yourself. This won’t take place in one day, but if you are willing to be patient and see this through to the end, then all of your problems will disappear and be replaced with nirvana.”
“How the hell am I supposed to do that?! Don’t you think I’ve seen every shrink and therapist in this goddamn state?! Elsa’s death was my fault, I can never fix that, and I will never be able to overcome what that means. Even if I can get others to forgive me for the pain I inflicted on them, how can I forgive myself for the pain I wasn’t able to protect Elsa from?”
“After you first hit me, you asked if it had hurt. Do you remember my reply?”
“You said that it did hurt, but the key was not minding that it hurt.”
“Then that is your clue. Goodnight Tyler Deck, sleep well, for tomorrow is the start of your new life.”
Tyler bolted up in his bed, drenched in sweat and gasping for air. Realizing that he was back in his bed, he thought back through the entire conversation, remembering it with seldom-experienced clarity, even for the most vivid of dreams. Turning on his bedside lamp, he pulled out a small cash box from underneath his bed, dialed in the combination with shaky fingers, and opened it. Underneath rolls of bills and bags of pot, he drew an old photograph from half a century ago. It was of him and his sister at the movie theater, continuing to celebrate his birthday even after cake and presents back home. Looking at his sister’s face, Tyler put his hand over his face and cried until dawn.
——————————————————
Kelly panted and wiped the saliva and semen off her face once the stranger’s cock was removed from her mouth and throat. Her hands were sore from manually stimulating the other two men standing around her, and her anus and vagina were starting to ache from the prolonged double-penetration inflicted by the two men in front and behind her. She was in the man-cave basement of the second guy, this was her first gangbang, and she was making five hundred bucks off it. She had already been ejaculated into and onto a half dozen times, but her clients were remaining hard and fully loaded. They were certainly making her work for her money.
Once she had caught her breath, the fourth man, the one loitering in her pussy, suddenly pulled out and got up, wanting to get his dick sucked. With the quick removal, Kelly fell onto her hands and knees and the man behind her immediately took advantage of the granted mobility. Gripping her hips, he began moving his cock back and forth in her asshole, hammering her like an animal while using all the semen already dripping out of her as lubricant. Kelly moaned and yelped as she felt the man’s phallus punch the deepest corners of her ass with almost brutal speed and strength, while the other men all looked down and laughed at her while stroking themselves.
After a couple minutes of the ruthless sodomy, the man pulled out of her and she fell on her back, quickly assailed by another man forcing himself inside of her bruised cunt and being skull-fucked by the man who had just been fucking her asshole. She was completely numb to the taste, be it overexposure or just indifference. Once she had cleaned him off, he pulled his dick out of her mouth and the other man fucking her stood up while picking her up. Holding her upside down, he continued fucking her while she struggled to hold her face off the soaked carpet.
“Hey, someone hold her up,” one of the men grunted, getting an idea by seeing Kelly upside down.
Answering the request was the first man of the group, who grabbed Kelly and held her off the floor while the man who had been fucking her pulled out. The man who had made the request stepped up to her and forced his dick into her mouth. Holding her head still, he began skull-fucking her with indifferent cruelty, while the man holding her up left the job to one arm so that he could finger her pussy and anus. While she sucked her client off, her face was covered with a bubbling froth of semen and saliva, practically pouring down his mouth. With the head of his cock beating the back of her throat and her body upside down, Kelly only lasted a minute before she finally threw up, spraying the man’s crotch and forming a puddle of vomit below her.
One guy laughed while Kelly was dropped face down into the puddle. “Ah man, this is one nasty bitch!”
“Damn bitch! She threw up all over me!” the man yelled.
Wanting revenge, he rolled her over onto her back and got on top of her, forcing his slime-covered cock into her pummeled cunt. Smacking her face while he moved, the man thrust into her over and over again, cursing her while all his friends laughed.
“Yo, let me in on the action!” one of his friends yelled.
Deciding to indulge him, the man fucking Kelly rolled onto his back and pulled her on top of him without pulling out. Taking advantage of the opportunity, the heckler mounted her from behind, sodomizing her with brutal speed and power. Once again getting double-penetrated, Kelly began moaning and whimpering with the man beneath her bucking his hips and the man behind her humping her like a Rottweiler.
“Come on guys, get the fuck off her, we want to finish!” one of the guys barked.
Reluctantly, the two men using her pulled out, one of them grabbing her by the hair and dragging Kelly up onto her knees. Trembling all over and covered in biological slime, Kelly retook her role and began sucking off the first man who came close, while using her hands to jack off the next two guys in reach. After thirty seconds, she changed the position as to who she was stroking and sucking, then worked for another thirty seconds, all while the two guys left alone in each rotation would jack off. Finally, after three full rotations, all the men crowded around her and began to grunt like animals. Knowing what was coming, Kelly opened her mouth as wide as she could and lowered herself.
In a cascade of foaming white sprays, all the men unleashed the last of their reserves, coating Kelly in a thick layer of semen and flooding her mouth to the point where she thought she was going to drown. Sitting back and trying to swallow it all so that she could breathe, she kept her eyes shut to avoid being blinded and barely felt the handful of dollar bills thrown at her, sticking to her face, hair, and chest with the cum acting as glue.
“Quite an interesting memory,” she heard, recognizing the voice immediately.
Opening her eyes, she looked up into the smiling face of Jack. The scene had changed, the finished basement replaced with a black backdrop, devoid of any surfaces, matter, or point of reference. It was as if they were in the darkest, emptiest zone in the universe, far away from any star, but every atom in their bodies was glowing, allowing them to see each other. She had changed as well, the thick coating of semen now gone, as well the hundred-dollar bills that had been sticking to her.
“That is an important memory to you, not sentimentally, but symbolically. It was a key point in your past, even if you aren’t quite fond of it.”
“Great, first I was getting gangbanged, now I’m going to get brain-fucked by the newbie. Piss off, I’ve had a long day. I at least don’t want to hear any criticism when I’m asleep.”
Jack walked over with his hand outstretched, a heroin needle on his open palm.“Go ahead, use it, block out everything. Close your senses to the world that you don’t understand. You aren’t doing this to punish or destroy yourself, you aren’t running from something you did or something that happened to you, you are just trying to shrink your world as much as you can to fit your comprehension.” He said, not as a taunt but as a calm matter of fact.
She smacked the needle out of his hand. “Shut up! I don’t have to listen to you! What makes you so much better than me that you can look down and judge me?!” Jack never lost his smile.
“I never said I was better than you, you only said it to try and understand the bond between us. By saying I am better than you, you are trying to use what you understand of me as a fixed point of reference to try and understand yourself through comparison. Tell me, are you happy?”
“Yes, for your information, I am happy!”
“Are you happy?”
“I said yes!”
“Are you happy?”
“Yes!”
“Are you happy?”
“YES!”
“Are you happy?”
Kelly didn’t reply, she only stared up into his eyes, biting her lip to the point where it almost started to bleed.
“Are you happy?”
As if suddenly being shot in the leg, Kelly collapsed onto her hands and knees, shaking at his feet. “I… don’t know…”
“Are you happy when you inject a needle into your bruised forearm? Are you happy when you receive a failed grade? Are you happy when some guy you don’t even know empties his seed into you and then gets you off his deflating manhood like a used condom? Do they make you happy, or do they make you feel unhappy? Is there anything that makes you happy? Don’t you have friends to make you happy!”
“I DON’T KNOW! I don’t have any friends!” she shouted, covering her ears to try and block him out.
“But how could you not know? After all, you are you, who else would know what you are feeling? You are the only one who knows your emotions.”
Even with her ears covered, Jack’s voice reached her mind with unparalleled clarity.
“But I don’t know who I am!”
“Exactly. You are afraid to be alone but you keep the idea of friends at a distance because you can’t connect with them when you don’t know what to say. So instead, you sleep with strangers because it gives you someone else to focus on, someone you can essentially mirror and who’s identity who can so briefly share. You know nothing about yourself, so you must cling to others to know what it is like to have an identity, but without being in any sort of relationship that involves the other person seeing who you truly are.
But instead of being what you would call “a slut”, you whore yourself out for money that you don’t need and don’t value. Prostitution is the oldest profession in the history of mankind, tracing back to the ape ancestors of the species. Even female chimpanzees will sell themselves in exchange for payment in the form of food. You could almost say that it is in the DNA, an ability carried within all females. You are aware of this, at least at a subconscious biological level, so you use prostitution as a way to get in tune with yourself and try to understand who and what you are in at least a physical sense. Pardon my language.
We had math class together yesterday before we met behind the gas station, you received a test with the lowest grade achievable, but it meant nothing to you. You don’t know how to feel happiness or shame, the two being emotions that help or harm the Self. You don’t know how to react to something, because in order to react, you would have to be someone. Instead you just let life happen, shrugging off the bad or the good to the faceless name of Kelly Ross, since you don’t know how to take anything personally.
Then you take drugs to alleviate the pain of ignorance. You are filled with curiosity every moment of every day, so you use hallucinogens to try and expand your perception so that you can look inward in the attempt the self-reflect, and if that doesn’t work, you use opiates to silence your mind and block out the world that you don’t understand and forget the self that you don’t recognize.”
“Why are you doing this? Why are you being so mean?!”
“I am not being mean. I am showing you clarity, the blunt truth that you have never before experienced. Like light to the eyes of someone who has been asleep, knowledge from an analysis of yourself shocks your mind. I am granting you a glimpse into who you are, I’m making you think with a part of your mind that you never used before, and that strain is causing what you believe to be pain. Is this not what you always wanted? What you feel is the exposure to something you’ve never experienced, completely different from the indifference to your life, the mind-numbing effects of drugs, and the mirror-like personality you use when you are selling your body.” Kelly gave no reply, so he got down on one knee and gently grasped her shoulders. “Think Kelly, is what you are feeling right now truly pain? No, it is an awakening, a metamorphosis brought on by the understanding I am giving you. You know it’s true, you want to hear more, you want to know more, and you want to better understand. This is your chance to finally figure out who you are, you just have to take your first step onto the right path.”
Kelly took a deep breath and finally looked at him. “What do I have to do?”
“You must find your Self, it is the essence of who you are and what makes you unique. However, in order to do that, you must first find your Superego, a Freudian term used to describe how you perceive yourself and your social identity. Before you can find your core, you must first find your surface. You must find what you display as who you are when you are with others. The Self is what makes you who you are, the Superego is what you perceive yourself to be.
Once you find your Superego, you must uncover whatever it was that hid it for so long. There is something that has been preventing you from understanding yourself, locked deep within your mind, and it is the key to finding the Self. Find the Superego, find the key that has been hiding the Superego, and use that key to find the Self. In order to complete the first task, you must clear your mind and your life of all distractions and hindrances. You must give up sex and physical relationships so that you can develop your identity, you must give up drugs so that you can clearly perceive your identity, and you must engage in others so that you can know how to use your identity.
Whether it will take a week or the rest of your life, this is something you must do if you ever want to be happy. If you do these, then you will become more than Kelly Ross, you will become more than the sum of your parts. Once you uncover your Self, you will truly understand all aspects of yourself and the existence in which you reside in. If you do this, you won’t be happy, you will go beyond happiness.”
“Ok.”
Kelly bolted up in bed, taking in every breath her lungs could fit. She was back in her room and the sky outside her window was turning pink as the sun approached the horizon. It had been a dream, it had all been a dream, but did that make it any less meaningful? If it was just a dream, then didn’t that mean that it was her own brain telling her to change? Looking down, she stared at her trembling hands for several seconds, for to her, it felt like she was looking at herself for the first time.
——————————————————
Jack opened his eyes as the sunlight passed through his room and began to chuckle lightly. “Now to see if they will follow my advice. I just hope I didn’t mess with Victoria’s mind too much with that dream stuff.”
——————————————————
“Jack, hey, good morning!” Victoria said cheerfully, waiting by the entrance to the school and surprising him as he stepped out of the cold.
“Ah, Victoria! Good morning to you as well!” She walked over and wrapped both her arms around his left with their fingers interlaced, making Jack snicker. “My, aren’t you affectionate today,” he teased, walking with her down the hall.
“Let’s just say that I slept really well last night. Hey, after school, can we talk?”
“Sure, but we could talk now.”
“I know, but I just want to make sure we can go somewhere to have absolute privacy.”
“Very well, I’d be happy to. I have to go to my locker before first period, I’ll see you in history class.”
“Great, it’s a date,” she said, kissing him on the cheek and then briskly walking away.
Jack reached up and placed his hand on the side of his face where she had kissed him. “My, aren’t you affectionate today,” He said as he watched her disappear into the crowd.
“She’s crazy about you,” said Kelly, approaching from behind. She had a small but warm smile on her face, as if having received a new lease on life.
“Hello Kelly. Yes, I picked it up almost immediately yesterday when she and I started talking. I’m sorry, but I can’t be with you. It’s not you, it’s me. I can’t be in a love triangle,” he said, making Kelly laugh. “But you do have a lovely smile, especially a genuine one.”
“Slow down, newbie, I gave you my welcome-back special, that doesn’t mean we’re in a relationship. You’re just a client, or a past client I should say.”
“Oh, so you’re quitting the prostitution business?”
“Yeah, I just had a really vivid dream last night and I decided that I should make some changes. Besides, I won’t need the money since I quit using drugs and cigarettes.”
“Good, that is a great decision, and no matter what, be proud of yourself for making it. You haven’t had any withdrawal symptoms yet, have you?”
“They’re starting, I normally have a hit in the morning so my body is starting to get the shakes. But it feels a lot easier than it does when I normally just miss one, it feels… good.”
“Well I’m glad. I need to get to my locker, I guess I’ll see you around?”
“Sure.” Standing up on her tiptoes, she leaned forward and hugged Jack tightly. “Thanks for being a friend.”
She then let go, smiled at him one last time, and then walked away. Jack chuckled softly and then set off in the opposite direction, wandering through the thick crowd of teens on his way to his locker. As he passed by the math wing, he spotted Tyler, talking to someone with his back to him. Approaching, he saw Tyler hand the Freshman some cash.
“This is all the money I took from you. Once again, I’d like to say I’m sorry and I hope you can one day forgive me.”
Staring at the money, the teenage boy looked up at Tyler and nodded. “I forgive you.”
As Jack walked by, he patted Tyler on the back and said, “You’re on the right path.”
——————————————————
“You wanted to talk to me?” Jack asked as he walked through the school parking lot towards Victoria, who was waiting for him on the hood of her car.
“Let’s talk in the car,” she said with a shift of her head.
Breathing into his hands to warm his fingers, Jack got into the passenger seat of her car and two shivered in the cold compartment.
“Listen, I told you yesterday that I was really shy around guys, and that was true, but…” Smiling, Jack reached out and wrapped his hands around hers, making Victoria blush and smile. “That was true, but it’s also true that I’ve… I’ve had this huge crush on you for years now. I was always too nervous to say anything before and I was devastated when you left. Now that you’re back and I’m able to truly appreciate the kind of guy you are, I was hoping that I could be your girlfriend.”
“Victoria…” Jack began, raising his hand and placing it on her cheek. Her whole face was blushing to the point of reaching the same shade as her hair from her embarrassment. At the gentle caress, Victoria shivered in happiness, practically melting in his hand.
“I have no idea how you feel about me. You said that you love everything, so I can’t help but wonder if you see anything special when you look at me. But I do know that my feelings for you are real, be they love or not. I want to be with you Jack, you’re the kindest and smartest man I’ve ever met, and you’ve had such a huge impact in my life in such a short time. Tell me, will you be my boyfriend?”
Before answering, Jack leaned forward and gently kissed her, flooding Victoria with waves of warm bliss. It was just like in her dream, it was the same exact kiss. For ten seconds they kissed over and over again, but as soon as they started, they stopped and Jack pressed his forehead against hers, looking into deep into her eyes.
“I do see something special when I look at you, and it would be an honor to be your boyfriend. If you want this relationship to last the rest of our lives, then I will do everything I can to make sure this happens. I want to be with you,” he said, nearly causing Victoria to cry tears of joy.
“Oh Jack.”
They kissed again, and this time, as their lips touched and separated like an undulating yin and yang, they wrapped their arms around each other and kissed with more passion, quickly causing the windows to fog up. Her fear of rejection gone and her heart more open than ever in her life, Victoria could feel her familiar horniness rushing through her body like floods of hot bubbling bath water, desperate to be released. Jack raised an eyebrow of interest as he felt Victoria’s soft wet tongue slip between his lips and wrap around his own with an indescribable delectability.
Almost ready to burst with horniness, Victoria grabbed Jack’s hand and placed it on her breast. Even through the multiple layers of clothes, the firm C-cup bosom had a softness and shape that could be immediately recognized, even to one who had never experienced it. Jack instantly gained an erection from the feel of her womanly form, and at the touch of his hand against one of her most sensitive and sensual places, Victoria’s pussy moistened in arousal. She couldn’t take it anymore, she wanted it right there and then. Reaching down beside the seat, she grabbed the reclining lever, about to set the seat back so he could get on top of her.
“Victoria, wait,” Jack said as she began to lean back while pulling him towards her.
“No, no waiting. Please, take me now.”
“Victoria, do you really want your first time to be in your car in the school parking lot?”
Victoria bit her lip and sighed. “No.”
“One week, let’s wait one week. Seven days from now, I will give you anything and everything you desire. As the old phrase goes, I will rock your world. But until then, I want us to learn more about each other, so that on that night, when we bond, we will each truly know everything about who we are becoming one with. Before we make love, I want to change your feelings for me from just liking me to loving me.”
Victoria smiled. “A man who wants to hold off sex for the sake of romance, there is nothing sexier to a woman than that. All right, one week from now, it’s a date. But under one condition: you have to make me cum until I pass out. Seriously, I want to pack all the sex we COULD have been having into that one night.”
“Deal.”
Chapter 3
“So how have you been? You haven’t really talked to me in three days.” Jack asked, facing Kelly in the black-drop dreamscape in her mind.
“What are you talking about? It’s kind of hard to carry on a conversation with someone when the first half of the conversation occurs in your mind.” she sighed, sitting on the invisible ground.
“Ah, of course.”
Kelly took a deep breath, shaking from head to toe. Even when asleep, she couldn’t get away from her withdrawal symptoms, and it was driving her up the wall. Normally she wouldn’t be able to even get out of bed with how far she was falling, but this was far easier than ever. Regardless, she felt like she was covered in fire ants every second of every day, and there was another aspect, one that she hadn’t encountered before. The pain struck her deep, deeper than she could have ever imagined.
“Well it’s pretty hard to focus when I feel like I’m stuck in a wood chipper.”
“Tell me, is this pain different from other times?”
“Yeah, it’s… deep. It feels almost like I’m getting stabbed, but it’s not hurting until it hits me in the very center. Compared to this, the other times were a lot more powerful, but they could almost be called dull while this is sharp.”
“That is because your perception of pain as been changed. It has weakened in intensity because you have taken your first steps on the path of enlightenment. You have a true reason to quit drugs and your life has been changed. As for the “sharpness” you described, that is because you are truly aware of the pain. You are becoming aware of yourself, the pain you are experiencing is beginning to leak down into your core and come into contact with the Self. You could say that this is the first time you have truly felt real pain. While the pain is distracting, use it to find yourself, like using water to find leaks in a tire.
If I may offer you a suggestion, the next time you have a moment to yourself, try meditating. Focus on your senses, explore your sensations, move to the center of your perception and feel all in the universe around you.”
Kelly nodded almost nervously. “Ok, I’ll try.”
“And tomorrow, let’s have lunch.”
This made Kelly laugh. “A figment of my imagination asking me for a date? These withdrawal symptoms are worse than I thought. Besides, everyone knows that Vicky girl has been clinging to you like glue. Sorry, but I don’t want her to claw my eyes out.”
“It’s Victoria. And don’t worry, she’s not the jealous type. Besides, you are my friend.”
——————————————————
The morning was warm, far warmer than usual for early December, with any fallen snow already melting in the dawn light and the remaining birds flying around with revitalized souls. Victoria was standing at Jack’s front door, straightening her hair and preparing for the conversation she would likely have with his parents. Jack lived three miles from the school, but always walked back and forth, even when he could easily take the bus. She lived a bit farther as it turned out, right down the road from him, a twenty minute walk at most.
Glad her backpack was light, Victoria knocked on the door and stood patiently while looking around. The Owen family had just moved back only a few days ago and the exterior showed it. The garage was open, showing several recycling bins full of crushed cardboard boxes, the lawn hadn’t been mowed in a long time, and the house just felt like it was still in the process of being personalized. Victoria quickly turned back to the door as it was opened, revealing Jack’s mother. She had Jack’s tall narrow frame and grey eyes, but pale-blond hair.
“Can I help you?” She asked.
“Mrs. Owen, I’m Victoria Ellie, Jack’s girlfriend. I know that Jack normally walks to school, so I thought that I would join him this time while the weather is still good. I live just down the road actually. It’s very nice to meet you.” Victoria cheerfully said, causing Jack’s mother to light up like a Christmas tree.
“Oh my, Jack told us all about you! Please, come in! Oh, and just call me Laurie,” she said, standing aside and waving Victoria in.
“Thank you.”
Victoria stepped inside and followed Mrs. Owen into the kitchen, where Jack’s father was eating breakfast. He was shorter than Jack’s mother, but had the same head of grey hair, even though he was barely in his forties.
The house was still filled with boxes of stuff left to be unpacked, but it looked like the Owens had pretty much figured out where the key items were meant to go. Shelves had been put up, already filled with books and family pictures, furniture had been moved around and situated as to personal desire for appearance and comfort, and the house was quickly filling up with the family’s energy.
“Harold, this is Victoria, the girl that Jack has been talking about.”
Jack’s father practically bolted from his chair and shook her hand. “We’ve been hoping we’d get to meet you. I’m not sure whether I’m surprised or not that he has a girlfriend; he was always followed around by all the girls at his old school, but this is the first time he’s ever shown interest in return.”
“Well I definitely consider myself lucky. I really hope he hasn’t left already, I wanted to walk to school with him since it’s so warm out.”
“Oh no, you’re just in time. He’ll be down in just a second,” said Laurie, just a moment before the sound of feet on stairs reached everyone’s ears.
Smiling as usual, Jack came down into the kitchen and his grin widened when he saw Victoria. “Ah Victoria, what a pleasant surprise. Taking advantage of the weather?”
“Yeah, I was thinking we could both walk to school. Come on, we’re going to be late.”
“Alright. Bye Mom, dad, see you later,” Jack said, grabbing his backpack and following her outside.
“Have a good day you two!” Harold called before the door was closed. “Came back to school just the other day and already has a girlfriend, he never stops surprising me,” he then said, sitting back down and taking a sip from his cup of coffee.
“I just hope they stay together. Jack has never been truly sad before, I’d like it to stay that way. But she definitely seems like a sweet girl,” Said Laurie.
——————————————————
“It’s such a beautiful morning, especially for December. It feels like we completely skipped winter and have jumped into spring,” Victoria said, breathing in the fresh air.
True to her words, the scent of fertile soil and livening plants was being carried on the wind and the birds were fluttering across the sky with new energy. It was like nature itself was reacting to the heat of the sun and waking back up.
“This winter has certainly been milder than I remember, but any warm sunny day in the winter is still a fresh blessing up here in Maine. Under the light of the sun, life is brought forth with new vigor, allowing the human spirit to flourish in tandem with the wildlife. I’m glad we get to have a day like this before nature once again falls asleep.”
“How poetic.”
“The human heart is lifted not by material comforts, but by the sentimental value and the meaning in which they carry and what they give us. A child is happy when he gets a toy because it becomes the lightning rod for creativity, a man is thrilled when he gets a TV because of the view of the world that he receives with it, and a woman is overjoyed when she gets diamond jewelry because the amount of money spent on it shows how hard the man worked to try and find a way to show his love.
But me, I prefer the metaphysical to the physical. To me, hearing a beautiful poem or a majestic symphony is worth more than gold. We can live without material possessions, but we cannot live without the things that make a human life worth living, and those are the things that cannot be held.”
“Good, so now I know what to get your for your birthday.”
“It’s coming right up, my birthday is on the 21st. Since I was born on the winter solstice, my parents named me Jack, as in Jack Frost.”
“Oh, well then maybe someday your nickname for me can be Mrs. Frost,” Victoria teased.
“Maybe,” Jack hummed.
——————————————————
“Oh Jesus, here comes Tyler,” Victoria said worriedly as the lumbering senior crossed the school campus. It was 7:25, school had started, and in five minutes, the three teenagers would be late for first period.
“Relax, he doesn’t want to fight me. Please go wait inside, Victoria, he only wants to talk,” Jack said without worry. Regardless, Victoria didn’t move. “Victoria, I promise you, nothing bad will happen. Go, I’ll be in class in just a few minutes.”
Fearing for his safety but willing to obey, Victoria nodded and walked away from him towards the school, making sure she gave Tyler a wide girth.
“Ah, Tyler Deck, how can I help you?”
Tyler came to a stop and bit his lip before answering. “I wanted to apologize for hitting you the other day, and I’m sorry it took me so long to come and apologize. There are a lot of people in this school who’s forgiveness I need.”
“I was never someone you had to apologize to. I let you hit me in order to help you, I should be thanking you for listening and letting me know that I was able to make a difference in someone’s life.”
“But I still hit you and it had to hurt.”
“How many times must I repeat myself? Indeed it did hurt, the key was not minding that it hurt.”
Tyler scowled in confusion, thinking back to when he had heard it in his dream. “Repeat yourself? But you only ever said it once before.”
Jack gave another small laugh. “Yes, you’re right. But listen to me, Tyler, pain is not a negative, it is not a bad thing. Pain hurts, but it only harms when we let it. There is an unavoidable biological aspect to pain, but if you can come to terms with it, then pain looses all meaning, and if you can look beyond it, then you can give it a new meaning. Just like how masochists enjoy pain, you can lose all fear and weakness to pain if you can understand it and look beyond it at the greater view.
If you were to punch me in the nose right now, yes it would sting. I would stagger back, undoubtedly tearing up, and quite frankly it would hurt like hell. I can’t stop my body from hurting, but by changing the meaning that I put on pain, I can lessen the intensity and keep it from slowing me down. I can’t block pain, but I can perceive it in a less potent way. To me, a wound hurts because it sends signals to my brain, but never do I let fear invoke fear or anger, and it is in that struggle that real pain is experienced. Quite simply, I don’t mind it hurting, it doesn’t really affect me any more than a limb falling asleep or getting my feet stuck in the mud.
Understand this, Tyler, because this will let you forgive yourself. Pain is unavoidable, but the intensity is up to us. We are nothing but atoms and energy, neither of which contain reason or meaning. The reason or meaning of everything we experience is created by our own minds. If you can realize this and I mean TRULY realize this, then even pain that has a social reaction loses its power over you. If you understand pain in its entirety, then even the most stigmatized pain can become truly harmless.” Jack explained. The third part of the explanation caught Jack’s attention and brought him back to the dream he had after meeting Jack for the first time.
“What do you mean ‘stigmatized pain’?”
Jack sighed and wiped away his smile. “Before I answer that, please know that everything I say, I do so carefully. Back before I returned to this school district, there was a girl I knew, a very dear friend of mine. I taught her everything I knew and helped her achieve enlightenment. One night, she was mugged and raped. When she went under a psychological evaluation, she said that the movie she went to was hilarious, the night was beautiful, and through her eyes, no harm was done to her. She admitted the sexual assault was painful, but only physically.
She was able to look past the social and psychological meaning of what had been done to her. She said she had asked herself a question. That question was, “what does this mean for me and only me”? In truth, she realized that it had very little. She was alive and nothing anybody could say or think could hurt her. The pain, yes it was unavoidable, but it was more than tolerable when she considered it not as an attack in terms of sexuality, but just harm inflicted from one person to another, carrying only what value she gave it. She told the social worker that since she cut out all social and psychological perception to what she was experiencing, she knew it was no different than a severe punch to the face, and it was the meaning of the act that was more dangerous than the act itself.
She said that her virginity had been taken in the process but that she didn’t mind, because it was up to her as to what that meant. Even if that was her first sexual experience, that didn’t mean it was her last, and it didn’t mean that every other time in her future couldn’t be with someone she loved. Yes, it had happened, and she could never change that, but when she said that there was no reason to let her affect her life, I knew that she wasn’t in denial or trying to hide from what had happened. She had truly mastered her trauma, even while it was happening, and she knew that the only true harm was when she gave the event meaning.
Last I heard, she transferred out of state and does volunteer work at women’s shelters, teaching them out to take the power out of their pasts and see themselves and only themselves, and not society or its labels.”
Tyler gave a sad smile and took a deep breath, as if he was on the verge of crying. “So she was ok with what happened?”
“Yes, because that is how she chose to see herself and what happened to her. She chose what she felt, what it meant to her, and how it affected her, and with that self-control, she was able to keep it from having any effect on her.”
“Did she forgive her rapist?” Tyler then asked.
“Yes. He was forgiven after caught for another crime,.” Jack said, giving one final nod and then walking away, leaving Tyler alone in the campus.
——————————————————
“Three more days, then we have the night of our lives,” Victoria purred in Jack’s ear.
It was the fourth day since their promise, and the new couple was eating lunch in the corner of the school cafeteria. The cafeteria was situated in the gymnasium, with individual tables instead of long benches. As expected, the cavernous room was practically shaking with the collective roar of a hundred conversations, so Jack and Victoria had tried to find the quietest spot.
“You have certainly lost your shyness around boys, and with much enthusiasm I might add. It seems that upon discovering the new world of male-female relationships, you’ve gained an insatiable desire to explore it.”
“Good and bad only exist through human perception, in the end, there is only matter and energy.”
“Really? You seem to loathe violence though.”
“Well I— Oh, Kelly. It’s nice to see you,” Jack began before being interrupted by the girl’s silent arrival. She had a tray of food in her hands and was nervously biting her lip.
“Do you think I could have lunch with you? I mean, I don’t want to intrude.”
“No, we’d be happy to have you. Right, Victoria?”
Victoria gained a wide smile that was as fake as a porn star’s tits and had daggers shooting from her eyes. “Sure, have a seat.”
As Kelly sat down, Jack began speaking. “Victoria just asked me how I can hate violence when I don’t believe in either good or bad. In truth, the concepts of good and bad exist only as long as there is a mind to give them meaning.”
“But then why do you help people if you don’t believe in good?” Kelly asked.
“Like I said, they only exist as long as there is a mind to give them meaning. However, down at the atomic level, there is no such thing as a negative or positive outside of protons and electrons. There is no such thing as luck or misfortune in this material universe, it is only how they are perceived that they are giving meaning and worth. I see the lives of people not as trails of misfortune that need a helping hand, but as unfilled potential that I can cultivate. I see an incomplete life that I can hopefully christen by granting them the ability to understand themselves, for it is from the Self that all happiness is born. It is not people or events that make us happy, but the value we add to them that stoke the fires of happiness within our hearts, so if you can uncover the Self, then you can control the source of happiness.
I do good things simply because I choose to. No good deed can be performed without a cost to oneself, even if it is a single calorie burned while opening a door for someone. However, while I am aware of that fact, I look beyond that unavoidable cost as to what it means on the grander scale. And like I said, good and bad are human constructs, so is it not a social positive to do whatever you can to make others happy? Even if our concepts of positive and negative are nothing but a metaphysical speck in the entirety of creation, that ideal is it’s own realm with it’s own values while still maintaining the laws of creation. By that fact, if making people happy is an infinitely small sliver of the goings on in the universe, does that make it any less real?”
Made the two women smile in admiration and adoration.
‘He may not be the same Jack as in my dreams,’ Kelly thought, ‘but that doesn’t matter. As long as what I perceive to be Jack is helpful, then Jack is in fact helping me, even if he isn’t aware of it.’
“So Victoria, Kelly, do you two know each other?”
“Well we’ve been in this school system for years, so of course we know each other. But this has been the first time we’ve ever really sat down together and talked. I guess we’ve always just had different interests and hobbies.”
The last sentence was spoken with clear spite, turning Kelly’s smile into a smirk.
“Yeah, we were just too different people. I was a loner and she always needed to have her friends at all times. It was just an issue of who would have gotten more out of who,” Kelly said smugly.
Victoria fake smile almost began to twitch. “Well I wouldn’t really call it needing my friends at all times. I just like being with people who made me happy and I was never TOO eager to please the boys. What about you Kelly, do you have any friends? Other than boyfriends I mean?”
“I’ll have you know that Jack has become a good friend of mine. I’m on good terms with all the guys I’ve hung out with,” counter Kelly, causing the blood to drain from Victoria’s face as she turned to Jack.
“Jack, tell me you didn’t…”
“Don’t worry sweetheart, I just gave him a welcome-back blowjob. I’m sure you can handle the rest,” Kelly said smugly as she started eating her lunch.
Her face flushed with anger, Victoria got up and stormed out of the cafeteria.
“I would have preferred you didn’t do that,” Jack muttered, deflating Kelly’s ego.
“You’re right, I’m sorry. Look, I didn’t want to do it either, it’s just that… when someone is pushing you, you HAVE to get the last word.”
“It’s ok, I’m sure Victoria won’t be mad at me for too long.”
“She will if you don’t go after her! Seriously, what are you still doing here?”
“Oh, right. Well Kelly, it was still nice having lunch with you.”
“I got to hand it to him, he sure knows how to keep his cool,” Kelly chuckled as Jack ran off.
——————————————————
Victoria was pacing back and forth in front of the school, muttering to herself while blushing with anger. Victoria turned as she heard the door opening, expecting it to be a teacher telling her that she had to come back inside, but instead was face to face with Jack. This was actually the first time she had ever seen him without a smile.
“You’re angry,” he said.
“Yes, I’m angry!” She exclaimed as he walked over.
“Please, speak your mind.”
Victoria inhaled, trying to pick the words she’d need. “I never expected you to be the guy who’d pay fifty bucks to get sucked off by a whore. It looks like you’re not the kind of guy I thought you were. Everyone knows the kind of stuff she does, she’s the biggest whore in school! She’s had sex with more than three quarters of all the boys in school and gave blowjobs to almost all of them! She basically hunts freshmen so that she can get them off before they learn about her.”
“Actually it was twenty bucks, and I paid her to talk, not for oral sex. She called me over while I was walking home and she began talking to me. When I started asking questions, she got defensive and told me to leave. I wanted to keep talking her, I saw an opportunity to be of help. I gave her twenty dollars to continue talking to me and pulled me behind the gas station. I told her that she didn’t have to do it if she didn’t want to, but she insisted. She said, and I quote “Call it the obligation of a slut.” I would have preferred if she didn’t.”
“But you didn’t exactly push her off, did you?” Victoria reluctantly said, with much of her fire gone.
“Kelly has been living with an identity crisis for her entire life, she uses sex to try and fill the void in her life from not knowing who she is by focusing on someone else. She’s similar to a chameleon that is unaware of its original color. I didn’t stop her because I knew it was the only time she would lower her defenses. She would need to open herself up mentally so that she could feel connected, and only then would my words have any real effect on her. If I hurt you, I am sincerely sorry. I simply wanted to help her.”
Victoria thought back to when Jack had faced off with Tyler, how he had offered to serve as a punching bag.
“You would really do anything to help someone, no matter what? I guess I should expect that from you, even when getting a blowjob from someone, you do it in order to help someone else,” she said with tears beginning to roll from her eyes.
Jack lifted her chin and wiped away her tears. “Why are you really angry?”
“Why should I tell you? You probably already know. That’s your talent, right?”
He wrapped his arms around her and held her close with her face buried in his chest. “Indeed I do, but if you don’t admit to it and face it, it will continue to eat away at you and build resentment in your heart. Please, let’s settle this now.”
‘This… this is the same way he held me in my dream…’ she realized, feeling words rising within her and sudden clarity within her mind. “I was mad because I wanted to be your first. I was terrified this would happen, that I would be petrified like in middle school and unable to stop some other girl from getting you before me. Then on your first day, you get snatched by the worst of them all.”
“I’m sorry, Victoria, I’m so sorry. I never wanted to hurt you.”
“Please, just promise me that from now on, you won’t do anything like this again. As long as we’re together, don’t kiss, have sex with, or get a blowjob from any other women, even if it is to help them.”
“You know, when you say it like that, it really makes me sound like an asshole. Very well, Victoria, I promise to do my best not to cheat on you,” he said, making her laugh.
“Well, I’m sorry for overreacting. I just really care about you Jack, it’s only been four days and I think I love you.”
“Thank you. Just please, be nice to Kelly. She’s a changed person and I’m trying to help her.”
——————————————————
“I was hoping to have another dream like this,” Victoria murmured, opening her eyes and looking out across the starless space. She was lying on an invisible surface, the same surface in which Jack was walking across to reach her.
He crouched down beside her a brushed a lock of her scarlet hair out of her angelic face. “Victoria, my Victoria, have far have you come in understanding yourself?”
She reached up and clutched his hand as he stroked her cheek. “I have been thinking about what you said in that other dream, and I’ve been asking myself over and over again why it has taken me so long to develop feelings for someone.”
“And what have you come up with?”
“I’m afraid to be hurt by others… but it’s more than that. I’m afraid to love and be loved by a man and be in a romantic and physical relationship. But I don’t know why I’m so afraid.”
“But then why do you love me?”
“Because you’re different. You’re kinder and wiser than anyone I’ve ever met. I don’t understand you, but I’ve never felt safer with anyone else.”
“But you love your friends and you have so many of them. Why are you so quick to be open with them, but normally so hesitant about opening up to a man?”
Victoria bit her lip and pondered the question, delving deep into her subconscious for the answer. “It’s because you don’t understand people, isn’t it?” Victoria’s eyes widened as a small flash of light popped in her mind, like the retrieval of a lost memory that she had been searching for agonizingly. “You’ve never quite felt at home with people, but you are a social person. You use your friends as a never-ending psychology and sociology experiment, studying them like animals so that you can integrate with them and understand them. You are open with your friends and family because you see it as a way to delve deeper into their world, to get a better chance to truly know what it is like to be one of them. You feel like an alien studying humans, thrilled when they finally let you into their society. However, you are afraid to get romantically involved, because you still don’t feel completely comfortable around them. You are afraid to let something so different enter so deep into your heart.
That’s why you love me, because my kindness creates a safe environment for your heart to truly reveal itself. You see me as different from everyone else, just like you, and because you see us both as not fitting into the human demographic, you believe us to be one in the same. This is why you’ve never had any sexual feelings for anyone but me, because you feel like I am the only one who you can truly love and be loved by. When I left, that is when you developed your insatiable habit or self-pleasure, because you needed to unleash those sexual desires in some direction, but with me gone, there was no one left but yourself. It wasn’t narcissism, it was unfamiliarity with the idea of being with others and being uncomfortable with guys.”
Victoria took a shuddering breath once he was done speaking, feeling like a key had just been unlocked in her mind and revealing a colossal truth that had always been right in front of her, but that she had never been aware of.
“You’re right, you’re completely right. But what should I do?”
“You must find out what it is that makes you feel different from others. In truth, everyone is an individual, but the only real divisions we face are the ones we create ourselves…”
Around them, sparks of light began to appear in the darkness, solidifying into a starry sky with streaks of colored dust and gas stretching out across all of creation in the form of galaxies and nebulae.
“Life is a unique thing, it is a form of energy seen in no other aspect of existence. We are all made of atoms with each and every occurrence in our bodies being a chemical or electrical reaction. And yet, there is something else that makes life what it is, what makes it unique to all the planets and stars that float in the vacuum of space. But even with how special it is, all life is undeniably the same. We all have the same energy, the same worth, the same value, and the same path to death.
Even across the universe with every planet that can support organisms, life is really no different than what it is to us. We are all made of the same matter, the same energy. The only differences are the ones we create through our own perception and opinions. No two humans are exactly alike, no two dogs are exactly alike, no two insects are exactly alike, and no two bacteria are exactly alike. We are all individuals, but we all fit together into the category of life, all of us essentially the same unless we wish to be.
Victoria, you see yourself as different from others because your parameters are small. But if you look out across the grandest scale that your mind can comprehend, then you’ll see that you are no different than the ants beneath your feet. We are all living, does anything else matter? If you can fully accept this and find out what caused you to erect barriers around yourself in the first place, then you will be on your way to discovering your Self.”
“Alright, I’ll do that. But before this dream ends, can you do me one favor?”
“Of course, what?”
Smiling sweetly, Victoria reached up and placed her hand on Jack’s cheek. “Make love to me. I know I agreed with the real Jack that we’d wait seven days, but I want to turn this dream into a fantasy.”
Jack smiled and kissed her. “I’d love to.”
Without separating her lips from his, Victoria lied out on her back and Jack moved on top of her, suspending himself over her while their tongues danced and swirled around each other. The two of them humming in arousal, Jack slowly reached down and slipped his hand underneath Victoria’s nightgown, pulling it up and revealing her white panties, already damp from her excitement. One handedly, Jack slowly and gently removed the lingerie, sliding it down her long smooth thighs before she gently kicked it off. Just like in real life, Victoria’s slit was mostly devoid of hair, save for the porn star landing strip.
Excited and yet shy, Victoria had her legs closed with her thighs rubbing against each other, shaking all over as Jack placed his hand on her flat belly and moved it down, running his middle and ring finger along the lips of her pussy. Victoria nearly arched her back from that simple touch, overjoyed at the feeling of finally having someone else touch her down there. Jack moved his fingers back and forth, stroking the two soft lips teasingly and driving her wild with excitement. Were they not kissing, she would beg him to go farther.
As if reading her mind, Jack moved his fingers, this time with the ring and index moving up the lips with his middle finger running between them, gently stroking the entrance to her insides while rubbing her clitoris with his thumb. With the seconds ticking by, Jack’s fingers picked up in speed and strength with their movements, sending waves of erotic bliss through Victoria’s body as all of the right spots were hit in perfect sequence.
‘I guess this proves that he really is just a figment of my imagination, he knows how to get me going just as well as I do,’ Victoria thought as Jack inserted his middle finger into her pussy, drawing a moan of euphoria as he stirred her insides with each movement of his hand. Even though she had spent countless hours fingering herself, Jack’s fingers felt so much bigger and stronger. It was almost a completely new sensation, like she was already getting fucked.
Going even further, Jack inserted his ring finger as well, working them both inside her while using his index and little finger to continue stimulating the lips. From there, his movements increased in speed and strength, driving Victoria wild with lust while always staying gentle enough so as not to become uncomfortable. It was as if Jack knew what she wanted before she did. Already, Victoria’s inner thighs and Jack’s hand were soaking wet from her juices, which were beginning to drip onto the invisible surface they were laying on. Moving his hand so fast that it was practically a blur, Jack pushed Victoria over the edge and triggered an ecstatic orgasm, causing her to arch her back like an exorcism patient and end their kiss so that she could moan like an opera singer to the swirling universe around them.
“Oh my god,” she panted, “that was the greatest orgasm of my life.”
“Good, I’m glad.”
Smiling, Victoria grasped his wet hand and pulled it up to her face so that she could lick his fingers clean. “Jack, put it in me. I want to feel your cock.”
“Are you sure you don’t want more foreplay?”
Victoria giggled at the suggestion. “Such a gentleman. No, the real Jack and I will do everything for our real first time. I just want something to hold me over until then, and I’m rather curious as to what my imagination will give me.”
Sitting up, the young man undressed while Victoria removed her nightgown and bra, the two of them completely naked in the heart of space. Looking down upon Victoria’s beautiful body, Jack was rock-hard and ready to burst with excitement, though he kept it hidden behind his calm smile. She was so gorgeous, practically radiant with beauty and youth and burning with adolescent sexuality. He had to be careful, for under no circumstances did he want her to be harmed. Victoria on the other hand was unable to restrain herself, and was writhing teasingly as she looked at Jack’s erect member. Once again holding himself over her, Jack wrapped one arm around Victoria and used his free hand to guide his manhood to the moist lips of her slit. Feeling the warm head pressed against her virgin pussy, Victoria trembled in excitement. Never before had anyone touched her there or in such a way, and even if this was just a dream, even if she would wake up and her body would be exactly the same, this was still her first time.
“Jack, I love you,” she murmured, wrapping her arms around his neck.
“I love you too, Victoria,” he whispered in her ear while slowly pushing his phallus inside her.
Immediately, Victoria began panting heavily and gagging in a mix of pleasure and pain as he entered her. No matter how long or hard she had fingered herself, she had never been able to achieve a filling sensation like this. She always worried that she was leaving her pussy too loose with how long she pleasured herself, but with this, she had no idea she was this tight! She felt like he was going to split her open! But every time she was about to say stop or slow down, Jack would obey her before she could even form the words in her mind. Jack didn’t grunt, moan, or wince as he worked himself into her. Regardless of how tight she was, he truly felt like he was seeing her true self, and it was beautiful.
“Here it comes,” Jack warned, reaching her hymen.
“Do it, baby,” Victoria whispered, holding onto him for dear life.
With one gentle yet undeniably powerful shove, Jack forced his entire cock into her pussy, tearing her hymen and burying his cock in her up to the base. Victoria hollered out to the starry sky from the deflowering, but as soon as it had happened, the pain melted away. For the first time in her life, she felt truly linked to someone, truly bound. Just by penetrating her body, she felt like Jack had penetrated her very soul and he could feel him within her. She felt like she belonged to him, and she felt impatient in the sudden need to do this in real life. She wanted to feel it, she wanted to give her true physical self to him and become his. She wanted her soul to merge with the real Jack’s.
Pulling out, Jack revealed a layer of blood on the shaft of his penis, glistening like liquid rubies from Victoria’s lost virginity, and with the slow removal, Victoria released her held breath. Jack then pushed himself back into her, drawing a deep grunt from Victoria as he once again stuffed her. Moving back and forth, Jack began thrusting into Victoria with a steady rhythm, shaking her and pushing her back each time he worked himself into her. The breathing of the two teenagers was heavy as they took the position inscribed into their very genes, moving back and forth in sexual harmony.
Now used to the feeling of Jack inside her, Victoria spread her legs and wrapped them around his waist, granting him better access. Swinging his lower body forward to continue fucking her, Jack leaned down and they locked lips, kissing sensually with their tongues in each other’s mouths. Quickly Jack began to pick up speed as per Victoria’s unknown desire and was forced to end their kiss. Holding himself up above her, Jack continued thrusting into her while the two lovers just stared into each other’s eyes and panted in each other’s faces.
“Jack, I’m going to cum. Do it with me.”
“Alright.” he replied, stabilizing his speed and thrusting into her at a steady but strong rate.
Each time Jack’s cock slammed the deepest corners of her inside, Victoria could feel that familiar trembling warmth building up in her body and that indescribable pressure, while Jack worked to contain himself, waiting for Victoria to break the threshold so that he could join her.
Finally, Victoria released a euphoric moan as the floodgates of pleasure were opened, signaling for Jack to release his reserves, As Victoria’s pussy grabbed his cock and flooded it with her juices, Jack fired jet after jet of semen into her, pouring every single drop he had. Both of them empty, Victoria became limp and Jack lowered himself to catch his breath while being careful not to put his weight on her. Nearly delirious from her orgasm, Victoria stared up into the starry sky, gazing at the clouds of rainbow dust and gas and the swirling galaxies, all surrounded by pinpricks of twinkling light.
“This is heaven,” she panted.
“If that is how you see it, then indeed it is.”
“Thank you, thank you for everything.”
Jack he held himself back up and kissed her one last time. “Thank you for letting me make you happy.”
Victoria’s eyes bolted open and the feel of her pillow and sheets told her immediately that she was back in bed with her hand between her legs and her pussy practically shaking from multiple orgasms. With a smiling blush, she fluffed her pillow and settled in, exhausted from making love.
——————————————————
In his room, Jack smiled and opened his eyes. “Victoria, you truly have a beautiful soul. Thank you. Now, I should see how Kelly is doing.”
——————————————————
Kelly was lying in darkness, curled up in a fetal position and sobbing harder than ever in her life. Jack was standing behind her, devoid of his usual smile.
“You didn’t tell me it would hurt this bad!”
Taking a deep breath, Jack sat down and placed his hand on her shoulder. “You tried to meditate when you were alone in your room, you tried to find your center, where all of your pain was going. When you finally found it, every act you’ve committed suddenly slammed against your mind, unleashing years of pent up guilt and shame. Until now, you never really felt those things because you had not established an identity to feel harm. Now that you’ve become aware of who you really are, it’s like a whole life’s worth of memories has suddenly come crashing back. The only reason why you’re here now is because you cried yourself to sleep.”
“All those things, all those horrible things, what kind of twisted freak am I?! I’m just a disgusting whore that should die from an overdose!”
“No, Kelly, there is nothing wrong with you. You can no more be blamed for the things you did than an amnesiac not recognizing his family. You were trying to save yourself, it was your coping mechanism to deal with the hole in your heart created by not knowing who you were. Don’t be ashamed of your past, for nothing you have done can leap through time and harm you unless you let it. Move forward Kelly, you’ve seen the error in your ways and are trying to recreate who you are. Doesn’t that make up for your mistakes? Doesn’t that deserve you giving yourself a second chance at a new life?”
“I hate myself, I should just die.”
“If you hate yourself, then that means you desire change and finally have the ability to do so. Is this not the greatest opportunity to finally turn your life around and become a new person? Kelly, events shape who we are, but only because we react to them and define them. Some might not even acknowledge what would traumatize others because of how they view it and themselves. If you can change your view of your past, then you can change who you are in your present and future.”
“How? How can I ever live with what I’ve done? How can I ever look at myself in the mirror without wanting to throw up and slit my wrists?”
“By finding your Self. Right now you have expanded your world to become vulnerable to your perception, just like with everyone else, but your view is still too small for you to see the grander scheme and the truth of yourself. If you can find your Self, then you will understand everything and will be able to control what you feel. Before, you were basically lying on the ocean floor like a stone, now you are floating in limbo, but in order to be happy, you must swim to the surface and breathe the fresh air. Find your Self, and you will see your past for what it really is.”
“And what is that?”
“It is whatever you make of it.”
Kelly slowly sat up but with her back to him. “But how am I supposed to find my Self? I don’t even know who I am, other than a disgusting whore and a drug addict. Why shouldn’t I just kill myself as soon as I wake up.”
Sighing, Jack stood up and walked past her. “Now is not the time to speak of life and death. If you want to kill yourself, that is your choice and I will never judge you. However, before you end your life, shouldn’t you do so only after you’ve fully understood the life you are taking? Don’t you owe it to yourself to truly know everything that makes you who you are before you end your life?”
“But I don’t know how…” she said, drawing fresh tears.
“Then to help you, I shall give you two gifts.”
Hovering in the empty space before them, a diagram of light appeared, about the size of a tennis court. It consisted of eleven circles, five in a vertical line with a vertical line of three on each side. Each circle had three or more bridges connecting it to the ones closest to it so that it formed a symmetrical web. However, the last circle only had one bridge, leading up to the circle directly above it. Moving down, the circles read Keter, Chokmah, Binah, Da’at, Hesed, Gevurah, Tiferet, Netzah, Hod, Yesod, and Malkuth.
“This is the Kabbalah, also known as the Tree of Life. You could say it is one of the first schools of thought, originally adopted into Judaism, and used to describe the path to God and to explain the creation of everything. It is essentially the root of all religion. However, it also serves as a good map to enlightenment, and that is why it is one of my favorite pieces of art and ideals. I see it not as the property of one religion, but the key to the mind.
The first Sephirot, Keter, means crown. It refers to all things outside of human comprehension, be it the divine or just the size of the universe. If you can understand how little you truly understand and appreciate your place in the universe, you achieve it. The second, Chokmah, means wisdom and is associated in the soul with the power of intuitive insight, flashing lightning-like across consciousness. Binah, understanding, ideas set to form. Da’at, an unofficial Sephirot on the Tree of Life, could be considered the Self’s place in the universe. It is the origin of physical creation, as opposed to the previous sephirot, which are entirely spiritual and intellectual.
Hesed, kindness and love, the active principle initiating action. Gevurah, strength, the ability to move forward into the future. Tiferet, beauty, the ability to see the light in everything. Netzah, victory. It is leadership, perseverance, and endurance putting higher concepts into action. Hod, submission, is the ability to see value and know your own value. Yesod, foundation, is the cornerstone and the balance to all the sephirots. Malkuth, kingship, is physical existence and expressing the concepts of all the sephirot feeding into it.
Use this to figure out your path to nirvana and what the Self is.”
“And the other gift?” she asked with the entire speech having just completely gone through one ear and come out the other.
Smiling, Jack walked over to her and got down on one knee in front of her. “I will cure you of all the scars of your past life, both from your addictions and your former profession, so that you may start anew.”
He leaned forward and kissed her on the forehead.
Kelly bolted up in bed, gasping for air and covered in sweat. Wait, something was different, she felt… better, a lot better. Her whole body felt weightless and drained of a pain she hadn’t even been noticing. Her withdrawal symptoms, they were gone! Turning on her bedside lamp and getting out of bed, she walked over to the mirror in her room and stared at her reflection, in awe of the sight that greeted her. All the damage that hard drugs had done to her face and body were completely gone; her hair looked like a model’s in a shampoo commercial, her skin was a healthy tan and tight and smooth with youth, her eyes, teeth, and nails had regained their original color, he nose had lost of all of its cocaine scars, and her arms were completely devoid of injection bruises. She was completely cured of everything she had done to herself, to the point where it looked like none of it had ever happened.
With tears of joy rolling down her face, Kelly fell to her knees and cried. She had her beauty back, her life back, her self-esteem back. Jack had said that he would cure her of the damage from her addictions and former profession, which meant that her STDs were gone as well, and maybe even her virginity had returned. Not only that, but he had given her information that she had never known or heard before. What had been happening in her mind weren’t dreams, they were real, all of it completely real. Jack, whoever or whatever he was, he had been helping her all this time, both in her mind and outside it as the same person.
——————————————————
“Tyler Deck, I see you have made some progress,” Jack said, walking across the black dreamscape to the senior, sitting on the invisible ground.
“Not really. No matter how much I think about everything I’ve been told, I can’t get the sight of my sister being violated out of my mind, I can’t stop hearing her screams. She was raped and murdered and I didn’t protect her. She suffered an agonizing and humiliating death and it’s all my fault. I could do nothing but watch and listen as one of our attackers pinned me to the ground. I was too weak to keep her safe, too cowardly to save her. Besides, I don’t see how talking back to a dream is going to help me.”
“Even after all that you’ve learned, you fail to see the value in the words of a dream? Tyler, if this truly is a dream, then doesn’t that mean you are having a conversation directly with your subconscious? Is this not the greatest source of guidance that you can find?” Jack asked, holding his arms out to his sides.
“It’s not real.”
Jack lowered his smile, knowing that he could no longer be passive with this. “It’s only not real because you don’t want it to be real. You are afraid of confronting your subconscious because you loathe yourself. You hide from yourself, not wanting to face the truth. You say you were pinned down, and if multiple culprits mugged you, then they were probably armed. You were thirteen, you and your sister didn’t stand a chance against them. Even if you had managed to get enough adrenalin pumping through your veins to free yourself from the grip of one of your attackers, you would have been unable to save your sister. You would have been killed and she would have been forced to watch you die while she was raped.”
“Shut up!” Tyler yelled.
“There was nothing you could do Tyler, and that is the truth, the truth that you have known all these years but ignored. It wasn’t that you didn’t do anything to help her, it’s that you couldn’t do anything to help her. You wanted someone to blame, something with meaning, something other than the cruelty of your attackers. You had to feel like there was a reason for it to happen, because you couldn’t accept that your sister had been taken without any purpose or meaning.”
“I told you to shut up!” Tyler roared, getting up and grabbing Jack by the collar.
“Do you know why rape victims will at times believe that what happened to them was their fault? It is because they ask themselves what could have been done to prevent their attack. Could they have screamed louder, fought back harder, or just made some other decision? You are the same way; you had to believe that something could have been changed. That is the source of your fear of losing power, the first power; the power to have done something in the past.
You need to feel like you had power at one time or another, that it is better to have power taken away from you than to never have it at all. It is your safety net against the idea that anything can happen at any reason, that life is unfair, that sometimes you can be nothing but the victim. You hate yourself because you want to feel like you had the capability to do something to help your sister. You want to feel like you at least had a chance, that someone or something gave you the opportunity to fight. But instead, there was nothing. No god or angels have a plan for your, there is only the material world and what you perceive to be luck. That is your greatest fear, that you have no power in any aspect of your life, and that everything that happens is brought on without any reason or purpose.”
With shaky hands, Tyler let go of Jack’s collar. The words had struck him, finally hitting a nerve. In Tyler’s mind, he was mulling over Jack’s words and feeling it untangling years of strangled thoughts.
“It is a problem of reliance, you need someone or something to serve as a scapegoat, a buffer zone between you and an event in which you are protected by the ability to do something or can be used to explain away that event as “I could have done something”. You need to feel like there is some kind of plan for you, be it God’s or someone else’s. You need to feel like there is some sympathetic mind that wants things to be fair for you. You are terrified of being left entirely alone to your own devices, completely unprotected from the mindless occurrences of the universe. You need life to follow the rules, for things to be fair, for there to be a chance where you can change what happens. But in truth, there is nothing you can do.”
Tyler turned away, shaking from head to toe. Thinking back through his entire life, he could see the “buffer zone” that Jack had mentioned. He could see how at the core of everything, good and bad, his perception had relied on the believed fact that God or karma or something with some semblance of care was looking out for him in this unforgiving world.
“What am I supposed to do? Just accept that I’m the universe’ bitch?”
Jack regained his smile and held out his hand, summoning forth an encompassing view of space with stars and galaxies swirling around them, above them, and below them. “You are no more helpless than the rest of life and every atom in the universe. In truth, we are all under the control of time, and in a sense, powerless. Everything that occurs is predestined, scheduled in the flow of time before the event even takes place. Every chemical reaction, every transference of energy, every movement and thought, all are the one and only path of time. The future is set in stone.”
“So what, every decision is meaningless? Life is completely devoid of purpose?”
“Quite the contrary. Just because something is guaranteed by time to happen, doesn’t mean it happens on its own. Everything that happens can only happen when every variable is at the perfect point. Let’s say you are deciding which college you are going to attend. In reality, the choice has already been made as dictated by time. It is the decision you make, therefore it is the only decision you could have made. It is the singular reality that nothing can deviate from. However, before you consciously made that choice, time required that you think it over thoroughly and evaluate everything you know. It is required that you make this choice, for you can not wonder which college you will attend and arrive at that college without having picked it. The choice you made was inevitable and unavoidable, but it could only be made because you had the proper mental comprehension to have been able to make the choice.
Everything that happens in reality is because of time, but time relies on reality in order for the variables to inevitably fall in place.”
“So you’re saying that everything that happens only happens because it is possible?”
“Exactly. Every event in the universe has an infinite number of variables, and with each and every event, the variables change so as to support the current event. An event WILL occur, but only because it is the one and only possible path, as designated by all the variables. Imagine there is a building under construction, and according to time itself, that building WILL be completed by a certain date, as dictated by the maximum efficiency outcomes. Now, since that is true, you can be guaranteed that there will be no late deliveries of supplies, no mistakes in the creation, and no disturbances in the plan. According to time, that building will be completed, but it will require the materials and engineers without question. The building won’t just be “completed” with the top five floors missing because time said it would be completed on that date.”
“So does that mean it is possible for someone to see the future?”
“Only if that person was meant to see the future. If someone has a vision about the future, that is only because they were meant to, as according to the script of time. If they take that information and use it to change the future, then what they saw wasn’t really the future, and what they are doing to change what they thought is the future is actually allowing the true future to take place, as dictated by time. Time itself is simultaneous, everything occurring at the exact same moment. Both beginning and end at a single point in time. Since organisms are the only things that are actually aware of time and all time is simultaneous, then perhaps organisms have the ability to look out across all of time, or just witness a fake prediction.”
“All right, so what does this have to do with me and my sister?”
Jack turned back to him. “We’ve already established that you have a fear of having absolutely no control over reality, and through the reality of time itself, we can prove that fact. Tyler, what happened to you and your sister was literally unavoidable as dictated by time. You believe you could have fought them off or even made a pre-emptive situation, but since that didn’t occur, it wasn’t possible. What transpired on that night was the one and only path of reality, nothing else could have happened. Your sister was meant to die. There was no meaning, no divine being with a personal opinion as to the cruelty of rape or how your life should be fair. What happened was just a destined occurrence, no more unique than the destined chemical reactions taking place between every single atom. This conversation we are having now was in fact unavoidable, since it is in fact taking place.
Tyler, you must come to accept this fact. Every thought passing through your mind while listening to me was inevitable as dictated by time. You must realize that it is impossible for any other alternate outcome to take place, that in any event, there is something that you could have or should have done. What happened was unavoidable, and even the simplest alternatives were ultimately impossible to achieve. In the end, if you do something that will have an outcome, then that outcome was guaranteed. Never again wonder if there was something you should have or could have done, because the fact that you did what you did means that there were no alternatives, Even while mulling over the decision to do something, every thought that enters your mind was already predestined for the inevitable decision you make.
This is what you must do. However, I think I’ve made it clear that whatever you do, whether you do it or not, was what you were meant to do. Now, time to wake up. It is a new day, and the world has changed more than you would believe.”
Chapter 4
Kelly stood nervously by the entrance of the school, waiting for Jack and Victoria to arrive. Students surging for the warmth of the school gave her quizzical looks, surprised that she was out in front of them like this. Even though she had given up her self-destructive ways and had been trying to be more social, she wasn’t normally this out and the open. Plus… she looked good. She looked truly healthy and had regained her lost beauty. The weather was exceptionally bitter, well below freezing with a harsh wind and thick dark clouds that made it look like the sun still had not risen. As the last of the stragglers entered the school, the sound of Jack and Victoria’s voices reached her, Jack’s voice laced with its normal carefree peacefulness and Victoria’s laughs as clear as a bell.
“December has really arrived, that walk was brutal,” Victoria said with chattering teeth. She was jumping up and down and rubbing her legs to try and get some warmth burning inside her skinny-fit jeans.
“I’m sorry. I guess we could ride the bus from now on,” Jack said.
“Screw the bus, we’re juniors, I’ll drive.”
“Ah, Kelly, good morning,” Jack said, stepping into the light passing through the glass doors of the school.
Upon seeing Kelly, Victoria was defensive, wrapping her arm around Jack’s. Kelly hadn’t been in school the day before, no one knew why, and Jack hadn’t said anything. Her skepticism was understandable. However, as she got a closer examination, her look of masked territorialism was replaced with piqued curiosity, with Victoria cocking her head to one side like a cat spotting a fluttering moth. She was analyzing Kelly’s face, noting the lack of premature lines from drugs and the return of her healthy color. Something had happened between this morning and when they had lunch the other day, something that not even makeup could replicate.
“Hey, Jack… could I talk to you for a minute please?”
“Of course. Victoria, could you please wait for me inside?”
After talking with Tyler without receiving any bruises, Victoria decided to trust him. She nodded and walked past Kelly, fighting the urge to give her a second glance.
“So Kelly, what can I do for you?” Jack asked, now that they were alone.
“Jack, cut the act. The dreams I’ve been having, they are completely real. I got myself tested the other day, and while it will take some time for most of them to come out, I’ve lost several STDs and my withdrawal symptoms are gone. You cured me, you’ve been talking to me in my sleep.”
Jack took a deep breath and his smile shrank. “That is correct. And don’t worry, all your STDs are gone, as well as any internal damage caused by any abortions you might have had. I also threw in your virginity as an added gift.”
He spoke so casually that it nearly made Kelly’s knees buckle and brought tears to her eyes.
“How? How can you do these things?”
“Kelly, my birthday is on the 21st, I promise I will answer all of your questions then. I suggest you discover your Self before that day comes, trust me. I’ll give you all the help you need, after all, we’re friends, right?”
Instead of responding, Kelly leapt forward and wrapped her arms around his neck, gratefully hugging him with all her strength. After several seconds, she let go and walked inside. About to follow her, Jack stopped as Tyler came into view, trudging through the frigid breeze.
“Ah, Tyler Deck, how are you this fine morning?”
“I’m all right, you?” he asked, coming to a stop.
“Couldn’t be better. But are you sure you’re ok?”
“Yeah, I just have a lot on my mind. And I’ve been sleeping weird lately.”
“Well like you said before, you’re trying to make amends with all the people you’ve hurt. Such discomforts are expected during this personal metamorphosis.”
“Well, it’s because of you that I decided to change. Thank you, Jack. Thanks for helping me.”
“Oh of course, what are friends for? Now I suggest we go inside, if not to get out of the cold, then to at least get to class. After all, time waits for no man, man can only wait for time, as time controls everything within our existence, except how we perceive it. And yet even our perception of time may just be something inscribed in our destiny,” Jack said, holding open the door.
“Destiny, right,” Tyler muttered, thinking back to his dream and hustling inside to get out of the wind.
“By the way, Tyler, I would greatly appreciate it if you could join me and a few friends for lunch.”
“Uh… sure, ok. What are friends for?”
——————————————————
“Hey, Kelly, hold on a second,” Victoria said, leaning against a wall of lockers.
“Hey Victoria. Look, I’m sorry for what I said at lunch the other day. And I’m really sorry about Jack.”
“No, I’m the one who should apologize. I had no right to dig into your past and bring up all those rumors. Plus I overreacted when I found out about you two, I guess I can’t say you fooled around with my boyfriend when he wasn’t even my boyfriend. I swear, I’ve never been the jealous type, I don’t know what came over me.”
“You had something to protect, of course you would be defensive. I completely understand. And don’t worry, I’m not after your boyfriend. He and I are just friends and he’s helping me through some stuff. He already got me to quit turning tricks and stop using drugs. It’s been over a week and I feel better than ever in my life.”
“Wow, he told me that he was helping you, but he didn’t tell me about that. It’s amazing that you could even survive going cold turkey, I know I would just burst into flames. So since we know each other a little better now, I was hoping we could start off with a clean slate. I promise I won’t get overly protective with him. I don’t want to be the kind of girl that doesn’t let her guy have other friends. Besides, he’s helping me too, so there is no reason why we can’t help each other. Friends?”
Victoria held out her hand.
“Friends,” Kelly said, reaching out and shaking it.
“Now that that’s out of the way, I just want to say that you look absolutely fantastic! I got to know, what’s your secret? You’ve always been pretty, but now you’re stunning!”
Kelly smiled. “I thought you said you weren’t normally the jealous type. Well it’s not a new kind of makeup or a diet if that’s what your thinking. It’s just clean living and the help of a friend. Victoria, make sure you always value Jack, because you have no idea how amazing he really is. He completely saved my life.”
Victoria smiled as well. “I know he is, he saved mine too.”
——————————————————
Kelly sat in the school library, staring at a computer screen and reading the bright blaring page of the Internet site. It was about the Tree of Life, along with all of the other browser tabs. Everything that Jack had told her had been correct, at least mostly. There were a couple aspects that he paraphrased, but with how many different interpretations there were, she could understand why. Jack had given her this information for a reason and she knew she had to use it. Reading through the page, she verbally paraphrased the information in order to commit it to memory.
“The Sephirot of the Tree of Life are the ten attributes in which the Ein Sof reveals itself and continuously creates the physical realm and the chain of higher metaphysical realm. In the Kabbalah, the functional structure of the Sephirot channels the divine creative life force, and revealing the unknowable divine essence to Creation is described. Kabbalah sees the human soul as mirroring the Divine. Genesis 1:27, “God created man in His own image, in the image of God He created him, male and female He created them”. It also describes creations as reflections of their life source in the Sephirot. Therefore, the Sephirot also describe the spiritual life of man, and constitute the conceptual paradigm in Kabbalah for understanding everything.
So, from what I understand (and I’m completely pulling this out of my ass), Jack is saying that humans and gods are one in the same in that our perception shapes the universe. I guess that fits with what he’s always saying, we shape our reality by the values and interpretations we place on it. He said that the Tree of life is used to find God, but also serves as a useful map for finding the Self. If Jack really believes that humans and gods are exactly alike, then finding God or the divine through the Tree of Life really is just like finding the Self.”
“Your name is Kelly, right?” she heard, nearly making her jump out of her chair.
Turning back, she looked up into the unsure face of Tyler. “Yeah, can I help you?”
“You know Jack Owen, right? You’re the only one I’ve seen with him, other than his girlfriend.”
“Yeah, kind of. I haven’t really been able to hang out with him since she’s always around. We really can only talk during math class. What’s up?”
Tyler sighed and sat down at the computer next to her.
“What can you tell me about him?”
“Why are you so interested? Like I said, he’s got a girlfriend.”
Tyler huffed through the accusation and sat up straight in his chair. “Just please, tell me what you know about him.”
“I really don’t know anything about him. He used to go to this school system, then he was transferred to some school for the gifted or something, and now he’s back. Other than that, all I know is that he is really nice and brilliant.”
Was this guy aware of Jack’s differentiation from everyone else? That strange dream ability that he had been using to contact Kelly and that healing power?
“I heard about your little fight with him on his first day back, it basically spread through the school like a wildfire. Everyone is saying that he gave you some sort of lecture, but no one really understood it. Is that why your so interested?”
“On that day, he talked to me like no one else ever had. He saw through me so clearly and spoke so perfectly that every word felt like getting stabbed in the heart. He completely shook my world, I haven’t been able to think straight ever since. Everyone says that you started acting differently and started hanging out with him. Did he say something to you too?”
“Yeah, he did.”
“What did he tell you?”
Kelly hesitated before answering. “He told me exactly what I needed to hear.”
——————————————————
“I’m so glad it’s Friday, this has been one really tiring week,” Victoria said, eating lunch with Jack in their usual corner of the cafeteria.
“Emotionally tiring maybe.”
“Well yeah, that’s a given. I just love Fridays nights, it feels like a whole extra day of the weekend and all of the energy that you were completely unaware of during the week rises up and makes you feel like you could do anything.”
“When I was a kid, my parents would get me Mcdonalds each Friday. I would spend the night listening to music and playing with the toy.”
“What do you do now?”
“I just listen to music, unless there is something good on TV. What about you, what do you do?”
“Well like I said, drawing is my hobby. I’ll sit in front of the TV, basically using it as background noise while I scribble in my sketchpad, constantly stopping to answer a text while trying to avoid getting graphite on my phone.”
“I’d love to see your work.”
“That’s right, neither of us has seen each other’s bedroom. Don’t worry, you’ll get to tonight. After all, it’s our date night.”
“I think we should do it at your place, I actually don’t have a bed,” Jack chuckled, surprising Victoria.
“Really? What do you sleep on?”
“I spend my nights in a meditative position, between wakefulness and sleeping. I prefer it to regular sleeping, as it allows me to continue pondering the secrets of the universe.”
“I must say, that is just downright amazing. But then I guess the number of times we can literally sleep together will be limited. All right, my place it is, just make sure you come after midnight when my parents are asleep. If you arrive early, they’ll stay up until dawn to make sure we aren’t doing anything.”
“When will I get to meet them?”
“You can meet them this weekend. They are certainly excited to meet you.”
“Mind if I join you?” Kelly asked, approaching the table with a tray of food.
“Sure, take a seat!” Victoria said cheerfully.
“So, what are you two talking about?”
“Just what we do on Friday nights.”
“Ugh, I love Friday nights. I basically sit at the computer all night and watch my favorite shows online.”
“Hey, uh… can I join?” asked the suddenly-appearing Tyler, as nervous as Kelly when she first asked.
Victoria did not stir or become tense at the senior’s arrival, having learned that he no longer meant Jack any harm. Though she still watched him like a cat looking in the direction of a loud noise. Kelly was the same way, surprised to be seeing Tyler twice in one day.
“Of course, take a seat. We’re just talking about our Friday night routines. What about you?”
“Me? Oh, I just smoke pot and fall asleep in front of the TV.”
“Can’t argue with that,” said Kelly.
——————————————————
Jack moved silently through his house, dressed warmly for the frigid winter night outside. His mom was out at a friend’s birthday party and had yet to return, but his dad was home and a light sleeper. Pulling on his sneakers, he quietly opened the door, stepped outside, and closed it. Carrying a flashlight and a bright windbreaker to reflect the light of any car beams, he began walking down the side of the road towards Victoria’s house, humming to himself while listening to the wind.
After a brisk twenty-minute walk, he reached Victoria’s home and entered the driveway, glad to have the trees to protect him from the wind. Holding up his flashlight and pointing it at Victoria’s window, he blinked it a few times and walked up to her front deck. A second after he reached the door, the handle turned and opened, revealing the radiant young woman, dressed in her nightgown with an excited but incredibly nervous smile.
“Hey,” Jack said simply.
“Hi,” she merely replied, stepping back and letting him come inside. “You have to be quiet, we’re dead if my parents wake up.”
She moved up the stairs with Jack behind her. Even in the pitch-black house, Victoria’s beautiful frame could be seen as clear as day through her thin nightgown. He could see her red lace bra and her skimpy panties, clinging to her round taut ass. Reaching the second story, they moved down the hall on their tiptoes, eventually reaching Victoria’s room at the end of the hall. After closing the door, Jack turned on his flashlight and looked around her room, taking everything in. As well as pictures and posters, Victoria’s walls were plastered with sketches of a vast array of subjects, from animals, to scenery, to simple objects.
Walking over to her dresser, Jack picked up her latest piece and smiled. It was a picture of the two of them, Jack with his arms around Victoria and his chin resting on the top of her head, and Victoria leaning against him with her hand on his chest. The two of them were slightly turned to the viewer, letting Jack see the looks of loving serenity on their faces.
“This might be my favorite,” Jack mused.
“Well I couldn’t draw us naked, I didn’t want my parents to see it.”
Jack looked to her and smiled while his manhood hardened. Victoria was standing beside her bed, her back to him and bent over as she lit candles on her bedside table. At the peak of arousal, Jack raised his flashlight and focused it on her shapely rear.
“You look absolutely breathtaking,” Jack murmured as she turned back to him, blushing with nervousness. “By the way, I brought this.”
He reached into his pocket and pulling out a condom. Victoria almost laughed at the gesture. “Always a gentlemen. But before you open it, just tell me: do you have any STDs? Have you done this before? Did you catch anything from Kelly?”
“Don’t worry, this is my first time as well. And trust me, I got absolutely nothing from Kelly.”
“Well I think you know that I have nothing. And since I’m on the pill, I guess we won’t need this…” Jenny said, taking the condom and tossing it aside.
After giving Jack a kiss, she turned around and took off her bra and panties. Completely naked, she walked back to her bed and lied down, trembling from head to toe like a building in an earthquake. Never before had anyone seen her like this, so exposed and explicit. She hadn’t been nearly this anxious in her dream, but that was to be expected, as she had only made love to a figment of her imagination. But now here she was, about to be truly seen for who she truly was and deflowered. Undressing, Jack walked over to the bed and sat down beside her.
She had her closed hand over her mouth and was blushing to the point where she was almost as red as her hair. In her mind, she was imagining Jack examining her closely and judging her on every curve and imperfection. But with his usual smile, Jack reached out and began stroking her cheek while they stared into each other’s eyes, their bodies shining in the light of the candles.
“It’s ok, you don’t have to feel nervous or embarrassed. You’re the most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen and I love you. I could never feel anything but endless adoration for you,” he whispered, calming her to the point where she moved her hand.
Holding himself over her, Jack lowered his head and they began to kiss, with Victoria trembling every time his erect phallus brushed up against her inner thighs. He leaned to one side, freeing up the opposing hand and allowing it him to rest it on her flat belly. He moved down, relishing the touch of her skin, so soft, so smooth. He reached the silky lips of her virgin flower, running his middle and ring finger along the entrance. Finally feeling someone truly touch her, Victoria began to pant heavily with her excitement doubling every second. Jack worked his magic, running his middle finger between her lips with his index and ring ringer moving up and down against the entrance and his thumb gyrating against her clit.
‘Wait… this is just like in my dream,’ Victoria thought, moments before her thoughts were split open by the insertion of Jack’s finger.
He continued to move his hand, slowly picking up speed and eventually inserting his ring finger as well. The feel of someone inside her made her toes curl in bliss, the feel of being more open than ever in her life. She had spent so much time toying with herself, she knew exactly what her interior felt like, but did it feel the same way to Jack? Was he satisfied with what he felt?
‘This is exactly like my dream, every single movement of his hand is exactly the same!’
The realization struck her, but once again, her focus was ruined as Jack’s movements increased in speed and strength, hitting all the right points. Her body moving like a wave, Victoria tried to stay in control as the sensation of an approaching orgasm reached her mind. She wouldn’t last much longer; he was playing her like a hacked videogame. With their lips locked and their tongues squeezing the life out of each other, Victoria’s moan was stifled as he brought her to her first orgasm, causing her to arch her back and for her body to writhe almost violently. After a minute to let her calm down, Jack held up his fingers in front of her face, glistening with her juices.
‘Ok, this is just weird…’ Victoria thought while automatically licking them clean.
“Is something wrong?” Jack asked, shaking her from her thoughts.
“Oh no, nothing is wrong!”
“Are you sure?”
“Yeah, I’m just excited.”
“All right, then I guess I can take it a step further.”
He began kissing her again, but only for a few seconds. After which, he moved from her lips to her cheek, and from there, ran kisses down her neck. As he sampled her delicate flesh, he began fingering her once again, finding her hymen and driving her wild in anticipation. After kissing her collarbone and shoulders several times, he moved down and gave one broad lick up the side of her right breast, sending shivers up her spine. He gave another lick up the other side, and then traced his tongue around her nipple. She tasted so delicious, almost like hot breakfast tea with a bit of sugar added. Plus the feel was unmistakable, consisting of that water balloon feeling with elegantly soft skin. He would have been content to rest his head there and slumber for the rest of the night, escaping from the freezing winter air outside Victoria’s window, his face buried between her breasts, so warm, listening to her heartbeat.
Once he ran his tongue around her nipple, he wrapped his lip around it and pulled it gently. Victoria was whimpering in bliss as he lovingly worked his fingers inside her and sucked on her breasts, moving between them and giving them each an ample amount of dedicated attention.
Once he had enough, he moved down again, running his tongue between her breasts and then down her flat stomach. Reaching out, Victoria grasped her bed sheets and bit down on her pillow, knowing that she would need it to keep her moans of euphoria from being heard. His head between her legs, Jack removed his fingers from her soaking slit and licked her juices off his hand.
“My God, you are so delicious.”
Working his fingers back in, he continued to stimulate her before bringing the lips of his mouth and the lips of her pussy together and working his tongue like it was a lasso. The feeling was greater than Victoria had ever anticipated, and she had to bite down hard on the pillow to keep from voicing her joy. Her pussy was so delicious that Jack was going down on her like it held the antidote to a poison in his veins. He was working her with a mix of penetrating strength and loving gentleness, as if trying to make her feel good physically and emotionally. Still working his fingers in her, he used the insertion to open her up a little more and let his tongue delve deeper. He wanted to run his tongue along every single centimeter of her sweet cunt.
“Jack, I’m cumming!”
With a wordless reply, Jack doubled his efforts, stirring her insides with his tongue like he was making mashed potatoes. At the same time, he was toying with her clit, pulling on it with his lips and sweeping it with his tongue. After only a few seconds, she clamped her legs around his head with enough strength to make him dizzy and filled his mouth with her delectable wetness. Only after her euphoric writhing ended did Jack finally pull away and catch his breath.
“That was, without a doubt, the greatest orgasm I’ve ever had,” Victoria panted.
Jack on the soles of his feet, her virgin pussy just an inch from his erection. “Don’t worry, I’ve got a lot more in store for you.”
“Hold on, do you think we could rest for a minute?”
“Oh, of course.”
Several seconds passed in which the two lovers were silent, instead letting their breathing do the talking. But finally, Jack reached out and cupped her cheek. “You look so beautiful right now.”
“Really?”
“Yeah, you look energized and happy. It’s like every cell in your body has just woken up and is going stir-crazy. You look absolutely radiant.”
Victoria was momentarily speechless, completely overwhelmed with emotions. “I love you, Jack. It’s been so short a time, but I love you with all my heart. I’m ready, Jack. I give myself to you; mind, body, and soul.”
“Yes, my dear, sweet Victoria.”
Wrapping his hands around his erect cock and aiming it, Jack leaned forward and prodded the entrance with the tip. In her mind, Victoria compared the current sensation with the one in her dream and realized that they were exactly the same. But she didn’t care, she wanted to give him her virginity so badly that she couldn’t think straight.
“If at any moment you feel uncomfortable, tell me and I will stop. I want you to feel good, Victoria. I want this to be enjoyable for you.”
“It’s alright, any pain that I have to deal with is worth it a thousand times over. Please, take me, Jack.”
Sitting up and holding her by the hips, Jack slowly pushed his manhood inside her virgin pussy. Closing her eyes, Victoria breathed deeply as that familiar filling sensation came rushing back, just like in her dream. She felt like a balloon being filled with hot air, again being reminded how tight she was in this context. Jack too was shaking, relishing the feelings of her soft wet sleeve as he slowly delved deeper and deeper into her. Quickly he met up with her hymen and stopped. Taking a deep breath, he looked down into Victoria’s beautiful blue eyes and neither of them had to say a single word. With a simple nod, Jack pushed forward, rupturing her hymen and deflowering her. Victoria’s head rolled back and she became breathless, unable to describe the feeling overtaking her. It felt like her soul was dripping out of her like blood through her ripped hymen, but in exchange, Jack’s soul was pouring into hers from their interlocked bodies.
Sitting on his ankles, Jack pushed farther in, working his way into the farthest corners of her interior. Victoria held onto the bed for dear life, not feeling pain or discomfort, but nameless ecstasy. Buried in all the way to the base, Jack slowly pulled out of her, letting her crimson blood, the same shade as her hair, catch the light of the candles. Retaining his sitting posture, Jack began entering her and then pulling out, taking his time to loosen her up and let the two of them get accustomed.
“Jack, I love you,” Victoria whispered as Jack began to take a steady rhythm.
“I love you too,” he replied, picking up speed.
Moving with surprising speed and strength, Jack began fucking her like a champ, already filling the room with the sound of clapping flesh and Victoria’s suppressed moans. As he thrust into her as quickly as he did powerfully, Victoria’s D-cup breasts bounced and rolled wildly like a pair of water balloons. Her pussy felt amazing beyond words, Jack had to bite his lip to keep from cumming then and there as her soft wet insides massaged his cock. Victoria was in the same state, barely able to speak as her lover slammed her interior with his powerful cock.
“Jack, harder!”
Eager to oblige, he set himself up on his hands and knees. Jack began thrusting down into her from a deeper angle. Recognizing the position from her dream, Victoria raised her lower body and wrapped her legs around his waist. With Jack driving down into her, Victoria reached up and placed her hands on Jack’s cheeks, looking into his eyes while they each panted from the exertion. Using this new position, Jack increased his speed and power, driving down into her like a jackhammer.
Victoria could no longer speak; the sensation was too overwhelming for her to even form words. The bed was practically bouncing on its frame with each thrust. Even with his skinny build, he was much stronger than he looked. Jack was speechless as well, not wanting to spend any brainpower that could be used to appreciate the feel of Victoria’s naked body against his. They were practically wrapped around each other like two chains of tangled Christmas lights, and holding her unclothed form felt like sitting in a hot tub.
“Victoria?” Jack panted.
“Yeah?”
“My arms are killing me,” he said, causing her to burst into laughter.
“All right, let’s switch.”
Changing positions, Jack sat back on the soles of his feet andVictoria rolled onto her side with one leg underneath Jack and the other up across his chest and resting on his shoulder. Kissing her foot, Jack continued to slam her until his self-control began to falter, giving her two more orgasms.
“Victoria, I’m about to cum.”
“It’s ok baby, I want you to do it in me. Fill me up with your sperm.”
Quick to obey, Jack looked up and gave one loud grunt while fucking her at top speed, followed by several jets of semen shot up into her womb. Literally drained, Jack fell back with his body as limp as a ragdoll’s.
“That was amazing, easily the greatest experience of my life,” Victoria panted.
“Good, I’m glad. I enjoyed it too.”
Smiling, Victoria lifted up her blankets and pulled them over herself. “Come on, climb in. I know you said that you prefer to sit and meditate instead of sleep, but humor me. I’ll set my alarm so that you can make your escape before my parents wake up. I really want to sleep with you.”
Jack gave a soft laugh. “That does indeed sound inviting.”
As Victoria set her alarm to go off in a few hours and blew out her candles, Jack moved underneath the blankets and lied down beside her. Smiling, Victoria pressed her back against his chest and Jack wrapped his arm around her skinny waist, breathing in her sweet flowery aroma and basking in the radiating heat of her naked body.
“I love you, Jack,” Victoria murmured one last time.
“I love you too,” he replied before falling asleep.
——————————————————
Victoria woke up just before 4 am, dizzy and mentally scrambled in her dark bedroom. The alarm had yet to go off, but the bed felt empty, and she could swear it had been Jack’s voice that had woken up. Looking over, she saw him sitting at the edge of the bed with his cell phone in hand.
“Jack, is something wrong?”
“I just got a call from my dad. He’s not happy about me sneaking out,” he said without looking back.
“But how did he find out?”
“Because he was looking for me. My house just got a phone call from the police. About a mile from my home, my mom got into a car accident with a drunk driver. She didn’t make it.”
Chapter 5
Jack stepped into his living room, where his father was crying on the couch. Victoria was standing in the next room, trying to think of something to say when Jack returned.
“So is it true?”
“Yes, she died on impact. From the tire marks on the road, the other driver had definitely been swerving and the smell of booze was clear. To think, this happens right before your birthday…”
“It doesn’t matter when it happened, the pain is all the same. We should not dread or loathe the future, but be grateful for our past. Just because mom is gone now does not lessen how happy she made us before. It is good to miss someone and feel pain at their loss, it shows how much they meant to us and how much we cared about them. But never should we feel like our lives are empty without them, because we will always have the time we spent together in our memories, our love for them, and the knowledge that they never truly left us. Don’t worry about me, while I shall mourn from now and even afterwards, I should not dread the 21st. Goodnight, Dad.”
Jack walked out of the room and moved silently past Victoria, but as she reached out to him, he ignored her and began climbing up the stairs. She followed him to his room, closing the door behind her. Jack stood in the middle of the room, not saying anything or even moving. Victoria looked around, noting the details of his very Spartan bedroom. True to his words, there was no bed, only a met on the floor with a depression worn in and some pillows. Except for his desk and bureau, the only real furniture was his bookshelf, filled with CDs, cassette tapes, and even records. Jack turned to her, his smile returned but weakened with sadness.
“This is the first time I have experienced what people call loss. I must admit, I didn’t think it would be this potent. I wonder if even the most enlightened monk is saddened by the loss of a loved one.”
Rushing forward, Victoria wrapped her arms around Jack’s neck and held him tightly. “Jack, I am so sorry, I don’t even know what to say. I wish there was something I could say, something I could do, just something to make you feel better. I know you’re hurting, I know how it feels to lose family, but I don’t know what it’s like to lose a mom. I’m sorry Jack, I’m so sorry for your loss.”
“Thank you, Victoria. I’m lucky to have you.”
“What can I do for you to make you feel better? Do you want me to give you space? To stay with you? To comfort you? I’ll do anything you ask, I’ll do anything I can to lessen your pain.”
Instead of answering, Jack walked past her to his CD player and inserted a disk of instrumental music. As the soft fluttering notes of the flute moved through the room like a listing butterfly, Jack moved to the corner of the room where he meditated and sat down.
“Will you sit with me?”
“Of course,” she answered, sitting down on one of the pillows in front of him and holding his hands.
Jack closed his eyes and became still, mediating with Victoria just watching him, clutching his hands. Save for the two lovers’ breathing, the gentle music was the only sound in the room, but as the third song faded out, Victoria’s back began to get sore.
“Are you uncomfortable?” Jack asked without opening his eyes.
“Oh, no, I’m fine.”
“It’s all right, do whatever you like to make yourself comfortable. I don’t want you to be with me at your expense. I don’t want you to be sore to make me happy.”
Jack then opened his eyes in slight surprise as Victoria lied down in front of him with her head in his lap.
“Tell me if you get uncomfortable, I’ll move or do anything you want to make you happy,” she murmured.
“Thank you, Victoria. I’m blessed to have you in my life,” he replied with a small smile while he stroked her long scarlet hair.
——————————————————
“Kelly, Tyler, I didn’t expect you to come,” Jack said, climbing out of his dad’s car and stepping onto the parking lot beside the local church.
Wearing a black dress, Victoria climbed out of the back seat. “I told Kelly about your mom and I guess she told Tyler. I’m sorry, Jack, I should have asked you before telling her.”
“No, I’m glad they came, just like I’m glad you came.”
“Jack, I’m so sorry about your mom. I can’t imagine how hard this is for you,” Kelly said. Like Victoria, she was wearing a black dress for the funeral.
“We should get inside, everyone is waiting for us,” Jack’s dad said, getting out of the car.
Stepping forward, Tyler held out his hand. “Mr. Owen, I’m sorry about your wife. If she’s anything like Jack, she must have been a very kind and smart woman.”
With a sad smile, Harold shook the young man’s hand and thanked him.
——————————————————
In the main hall of the church, a line of friends and family slowly moved past the open casket of Jack’s mother. She had been placed in a black dress and any scratches or injuries from the car crash had been hidden with makeup by the coroner. In the background, Victoria, Ellie, and Tyler stood, wanting to stay out of the way while everyone mourned.
Under their watch, Jack came up to the casket and placed his hand on his mom’s cold shoulder. “Thank you for everything, especially for letting me have known you.”
The words spoken, he walked over to his friends.
“I know how you feel, Jack, I lost my sister five years ago and it completely wrecked my life. Only recently have I been able to come to terms with it and I still haven’t been able to forgive myself for her death, but meeting you has been a lot of help,” said Tyler.
“The pain of losing a loved one is the same for everyone. While the role that person might have played or the relationship they were in may be different, as long as people love someone, they will all mourn him or her the same way and with the same intensity. Thank you.”
“I may have not known your mom for very long, but each day I talked to her, I could see and appreciate the kind of person she was. She was a wonderful woman.” Victoria said softly.
“Thank you, that means a lot to me.”
“I don’t know what to say that will help, other than I am sorry for your loss. All I can really do is promise you that I will help you in any way that I can.”
“Thank you, I appreciate it.”
Taking a deep breath, Jack’s father approached them. “We should take our seats, the ceremony is about to start.”
——————————————————
Jack’s father stood at the podium, with Laurie’s casket behind him. “Laurie was my wife, the mother of my son, and the love of my life. She was kind to everyone, a gentle soul, and the sweetest girl you could ever meet. I met her when we attended USM, and from the moment I saw her, I knew I loved her. She became my light, my dream, and my hope for the future. I considered every day that we were together a blessing, and the day we married to be the happiest day of my life. We built a home together, joined our two futures into one, and raised a son that quickly became the most amazing and wisest man I had ever met, even as a child. The night she died, Jack said that while she may be gone, we will never lose the time we had together. For that, I am truly grateful, grateful to Laurie for giving me the greatest twenty years of my life, and grateful to our son, who will never let me devalue my memories of her,” he said, wiping away tears.
He left the podium to return to his seat, and while everyone clapped, Victoria squeezed Jack’s hand.
The priest then stepped forward and announced, “Laurie’s son, Jack Owen, would now like to speak.”
With a stoic look on his face, Jack stood up and made his way down the aisle to give his own speech. Standing behind the podium, he took a deep breath and looked out over the crowd with his usual enlightened smile.
“Of all the things I am grateful for, from raising me, loving me, and sheltering me, what I value most from my mother is that I knew her. It is not material possessions that make us happy, but the bonds we share and the people in our lives. Humans have such a short lifespan, we are barely a flash of lightning compared to the eons that have passed for the aging universe. We live for less than a hundred years, but we are dead for the rest of eternity. You could almost say that living things are merely organisms that have not passed on yet.
But if that is true, then doesn’t the same thinking work in reverse? In truth, no one is truly born and no one truly dies, for the matter and energy that makes us all has existed and will exist for all of eternity. My personal philosophy is that half of reality is how it is interpreted, so while many people here may regard my mother as having passed on, I see her as still existing, even if it’s in a way that I can’t quite sense. While she may not be alive in the traditional sense, she has existed since the beginning of time and will exist until time’s end.
The body we all hugged and were hugged by was and is still made of atoms crafted in the stars themselves, the kindness and warmth we all knew, fueled by neural pulses and then released back into the universe as pure energy. We may all feel like we have lost her, like there is a hole in our hearts that can never be filled, but she has only truly left us if that is how we see her. Even if her body has been returned to the matter from which she was made, I know she exists and will always exist. The energy that powered her kind heart and made her the person we all knew and loved, even if it has been scattered across the universe in an undetectable form, still exists and is still as powerful as it always was.
While she may be in a form that our human senses cannot perceive, she will always be with us, just as she always has. You see her death as untimely, but I see it has the early metamorphosis of someone we loved turning back into a part of the universe around us. I know this sounds like just a science lecture, but I’m hoping that everyone can understand and will realize that even if someone dies, whether it be our fault or an event destined by time itself, they will always exist, they are nothing less than what they were when they were alive, even if we can’t see them that way. Even if my mother is dead, I am happy, for I know it only means that she has taken a new form and is still with me. To everyone here, I hope that the next time someone you love passes on, you realize that they are only gone if you perceive them to be, and in truth, they are never any less of a part of your life. Thank you.”
His words drew thunderous applause, and as he returned to his seat, everyone reached out to pat him on the back. In his seat, Tyler had his face in his hands and was crying tears of both mourning and joy. This was the final step, this was what he needed to hear to finally be at peace. Jack, both in his dreams and reality, had taught him the true meaning of his sister’s death. The pain she felt was only a perception, what happened wasn’t his fault, and even if he could no longer touch or talk to his sister, she still existed and would always be with him. He could finally move on and be at peace.
Jack took his seat beside Victoria and she clung to his arm.
“That was beautiful Jack, that was so beautiful. I guess your dad and I have something in common, in that you’re the most amazing and wisest man we’ve ever met.”
——————————————————
It was late into the night, and Jack and Victoria were sitting in the Owen living room. Jack’s father had long since gone to bed, and now the two teenagers were just talking and sharing memories while drinking from steaming cups of hot chocolate. Crackling in the brick fireplace, a small inferno stubbornly clung to life and warmed the room. In the background, smooth jazz played, a sad melody to fit the mood of the day. The doors to the living room were closed, ensuring that they had complete and total privacy.
“My mom used to tell me that she believed in reincarnation, simply because she thought I was an enlightened monk reborn.”
“It’s hard to imagine even you being so smart while only a little kid. I’m surprised she didn’t think you were an alien.”
“For all we know, she might have. I guess we’ll never be sure,” Jack said with a sad smile.
“Jack, have you cried yet?” Victoria asked hesitantly.
“No, I see no need to. Shedding tears achieves nothing but catharsis, but if one can reach that state without crying, then tears become obsolete. I have come to terms with the loss, I don’t need to cry.”
Victoria placed her delicate hand on his cheek. “Jack, it’s all right to be vulnerable. You don’t have to act like you aren’t hurting,”
“I do feel it, I do miss her. But my words from today still hold their meaning. She is not gone, she has only become something else, and even if she has taken a form that my senses cannot detect, I know that she still exists, and that is enough o make me happy. Though I would by lying if I said that I wouldn’t prefer her original form.”
“I love you Jack, and that is why it brings me heartache to see you in pain. But you know, it’s kind of nice seeing you this way. It’s nice to finally see you being a little bit vulnerable, it makes me want to hold you and take care of you. I want to be able to make you happy, and I finally have the chance to do that, even if it means taking the pain away from a wounded heart.”
“You do make me happy. For even with all the knowledge I’ve acquired about humans, it is only when I’m with you that I truly feel like I understand them. On my first day back, I told you that I loved everyone and everything, including you, but now I love you more than anything else.”
“Jack, please just answer me this one thing: do you feel any pain or sadness right now after what happened today?”
“Yes, I do.”
With a sad but tender smile, Victoria stood up and removed her dress, wearing nothing but her underwear. Reaching back, she released the clasp and let her bra slip away, exposing her young firm breasts. Seductively shaking her hips from side to side, she pulled her thong down her long smooth legs and let them drop down to the floor. Moving back onto the couch, she straddled Jack’s lap, instantly feeling him become hard with arousal.
“Then let me help you feel better. Let me comfort you. Use me however you want to make yourself happy, ask me to do something and I will obey,” she said softly, pressing her forehead against his. She then leaned back as Jack raised his hands and placed them on the sides of her angelic face, staring into her brilliantly blue sapphire eyes.
“Please, just stay here with me.”
“Of course,” she said before they began to kiss.
While their lips joined and separated over and over again, Jack began unbuttoning his dress shirt without a single shake or tremor. As the last button became unfastened and Jack began pulling the shirt off his shoulders, Victoria quickly moved off him so that he could stand up and completely undress. Turning back around, Jack gazed upon Victoria and smiled. She was bent over the arm of the couch, shaping her shapely ass at him seductively with a coy smile on her face.
“Use me however you want to make yourself happy.”
Smiling, Jack got down on one knee on the floor and ran his tongue up her tight young ass, drawing shivers of arousal from Victoria. Over and over again, he kissed her deliciously soft flesh, massaging it with his hands and sampling her unique essence with his tongue. After less than half a minute, Jack spread her cheeks and flitted his tongue between the lips of her pussy.
“Oh God, Jack, that feels so good,” Victoria blushingly whimpered while he worked both his tongue and thumb inside her.
“I could say the same for you, your delectable flavor is downright euphoric. It tastes like I’m sampling your very soul, and it is truly delicious,” he replied before doubling his efforts, using his tongue and his lips to energize every nerve and send waves of bliss rushing through her body.
‘Damn, how is he so good at this?!’ Victoria wondered.
With each minute that passed by, Victoria’s self-control plummeted further and further and she began losing the ability to differentiate the different waves of pleasure pumping through her veins. All she knew was that she wanted more.
“Please, please put it in me. You’re driving me so crazy that I can’t take it any longer,” she moaned once he finally pulled away, leaving her tantalizingly close to a mind-shattering climax.
“I thought this was supposed to be for me,” Jack teased, standing up behind and running his hands across her sculpted rear.
Victoria laughed softly. “You’re right, sorry for being selfish.”
“You asked me to do anything that would make me happy, but to make you happy is the only way I can be,” he said, leaning over and running kisses up her back.
Standing up straight, Jack made sure he had a good hold on her hips and slowly entered her pussy. Feeling herself getting mounted, Victoria gave a soft moan as Jack penetrated her at an angle she had not yet experienced. Jack worked himself all the way inside of her, licking his lips at the indescribable feeling of her interior, so soft, warm, and wet. It was pure heaven for his cock, squeezing and trembling against it with each fluttering beat of her heart. Holding onto her, Jack pulled out until only the head was inside her, then pushed himself back in with a hearty clap of her ass against his lap.
Groaning from the sensation of Jack’s manhood driving deep into her, Victoria held onto the couch as he began to pull back out. Building a rhythm, Jack moved back and forth inside of her, increasing in speed and power with each shove. Under the power of his thrusts, Victoria was left chewing on the couch, terrified of her moans leaving the room. In less than a minute, Jack was basically hammering away at her with almost animalistic speed, slamming the deepest corners of her cunt and creating a loud continuous clapping sound of Victoria’s flesh against his. Her body felt so good and she looked so beautiful, he wanted to keep fucking her forever.
Victoria was in complete ecstasy, unable to describe the feeling of getting penetrated over again with such power and speed. Jack was basically riding her like his life depended on it and was fucking her at levels of intensity just short of brutal, and Victoria loved all of it. He was at the perfect speed for her and it was driving her wild. No matter how animalistic or inhuman his beat became, she could always feel love within his movements. Pushing herself up onto her elbows, she rocked back and forth with each slam from Jack, moaning into the crook of her arm and watching as her C-cup breasts bounced and jiggled wildly.
“Jack, don’t cum inside of me, I have an idea. Lie down.”
“All right,” he grunted, coming to a stop and gently pulling out of her.
He lied down on the couch and she kneeled over him, almost sitting on his legs. Bending over, she wrapped her fingers around his cock and began stroking it next to her face, which was practically glowing with love.
“I’ve never done this before and I’m nervous, but I love you too much to not try and satisfy you in every way. I doubt I’m as good as Kelly, but let’s see what I can do.”
Holding her head over his erect cock, Victoria nervously hesitated for a moment before sticking out her tongue and licking the tip. Jack shivered from the sensual touch and released a soft groan as she licked it again, this time wrapping her tongue around the head and slathering it. Stroking the shaft and beginning to feel confident, she took the head in her mouth, working it with her lips while tickling the tip with her tongue. Listening to Jack and feeling him shake with each movement she made, Victoria began to feel prideful in her work and took his cock deeper in her mouth, bringing it in as far as she could without gaging.
Moving her head side to side, she used her cheeks to massage the head while wrapping her tongue around the shaft. Now knowing what she was doing, she began bobbing her head up and down, sucking his cock with horny enthusiasm. While she worked, Jack gently and lovingly stroked her hair with his usual calm smile. As time passed, Victoria becoming more and more creative as she worked, using every single corner of her mouth, playfully biting down ever so softly, or she would even stop blowing him and massage his cock between her breasts. Through her efforts, Jack could feel his body reaching its limit.
“Victoria, turn around. I want us to finish at the same time.”
Getting up, Victoria turned herself around and lowered herself onto him, letting him gorge himself on her sweet pussy while she continued to suck him off. Their bodies pressed together like yin and yang, Victoria and Jack worked tirelessly to pleasure each other, and quickly, their efforts took affect. The two lovers began to shake as their bodies were filled with trembling warmth, both reading each other and the signs in their own bodies. Sensing Victoria about to cum, Jack sent his tongue and lips as far into her pussy as possible and licked her out almost aggressively, while Victoria, sensing Jack’s approaching orgasm, took his entire cock in her mouth kept her head still, deep-throating him.
Finally, the two lovers both came, with Victoria splashing Jack with her euphoric juices and Jack firing jet after jet of semen into her throat while leaving her mouth clean. Gasping for air, the teenagers separated and lied side by side, looking up at the ceiling.
“That was wonderful,” Victoria purred, turning back around and curling up next to Jack with her arm across his chest.
“That was, thank you.”
“Was I better than Kelly? Be honest.”
“In terms of skill, her experience clearly gives her an advantage. But when I was with her, I didn’t feel anything, because there were no feelings between us. She actually had to tell me to cum because she couldn’t get me to. But with you, I could truly feel your feelings for me, and that was what made it so hard to keep my body under control. Although, now that I think about it, she and I were out in the freezing cold, so some numbness was to be expected. I guess—”
“Oh shut up!” she laughed while playfully smacking him.
“Sorry. By the way, my dad and I have to leave tomorrow. We have some relatives down in Washington DC that weren’t in good enough health to travel, so the least we can do is fly down and visit them.”
“How long will you be gone?”
“Don’t worry, just a couple days or so. We’ll stop in New York on the way, spend the night in DC, fly back to New York, and then be back in the evening.”
“All right, I just wonder if I’ll be able to go that long without you.”
——————————————————
“I finally understand, I can finally see my sister’s death for what it really was,” Tyler said, standing in his dreamscape, facing Jack. But unlike all the times before, the black backdrop had been replaced with an encompassing scrapbook of old memories, some playing like video clips and others frozen in time like photographs.
“And what was it?”
“All this time, I thought pain was something real, something that can be physically measured. But really, it is a perception and a reaction to an event. What those people did to her wasn’t what hurt her, it was how she perceived it and gave it meaning that caused the real harm. She wasn’t able to choose what happened to her, she didn’t get to choose to be raped, but the pain she felt was an illusion brought on by social stigma and social meaning. In reality, any act could have caused the same damage as what she went through, but she had been shaped by society to view what happened to her in that way.
I blamed myself for her death because I needed to feel like I could have done something. I needed to feel like even for a moment, even if it involved shameful failure, I had power. I needed to feel like I had a choice. But really, everything is predetermined by time. What happened was unavoidable; it was the result of all the variables lining up at their destined points. Whatever happens is the only possible route as dictated by time and the variables. There is no point considering the past or alternate futures since there can be only one present. Every decision I make has already been made, but that decision can only be made if I have the capability to make it, since each effect needs a fitting cause. Everything I do is predetermined by fate, but that makes my decisions and choices no less real.
I’ve always thought that it was because of my weakness that my sister was robbed of her life, but you taught me that even if I can’t see or hear her, she is no less real than when she was alive. The atoms that made her body will exist for all eternity along with mine, and the energy that powered her mind and made her who she was has been dispersed back out into the universe, returning to what it once was. Else had existed since the beginning of time and will exist with me for all eternity, it was only the form that I projected onto her that was lost. And even if I can not touch her or speak to her, the memories I have of her will always be real and the effect she has had on me and how she has shaped me into the person I am will always exist.
My sister still exists in another form, her pain was only an illusion, and there is no reason to feel blame for anything unless I am meant to as dictated by time.”
He breathed a sigh of relief as years of pain and stress were finally released.
“But just to be sure…” Jack said before walking over and delivering a solid punch straight to Tyler’s nose, breaking it and causing blood to trickle out.
Tyler staggered back but didn’t touch his nose or make a sound.
“Did that hurt?”
“Very.”
“But do you mind that it hurts?”
“No, I don’t.”
“Congratulations, Tyler, you have learned to shed the weights of your consciousness and you are now ready to uncover the Self. However, this is not a lesson that can be given in a dream, it is something I must teach you in real life.”
“Wait, what are you talking about?”
“I’m leaving on a trip, and in three days, I shall teach you, Kelly, and Victoria how to find your Selves. I’m certain that they are close to reaching the same level of catharsis as you.”
“Wait, you mean this is real?!”
“Of course! It’s like I told you, just because this is just a dream or all in your mind, does that make it any less real?”
——————————————————
“I think I’ve finally figured it out, at east part of it anyways,” said Kelly.
“Oh? Please explain,” Jack asked.
Lying back on the invisible floor of her dreamscape, Kelly looked up into the infinite darkness. “The Self is the source of everything, it is our opinions, our thoughts, our emotions, our true self-worth, the sum of our parts, and the pure root of who we are. But the Superego is how we display ourselves, how we make ourselves look in order to try and control how we are perceived. In essence, the Superego is how we react to people and what we become to make them like us and also in reaction to who they are. The Superego is basically the screen that everyone projects their perception of someone onto. My identity is shaped by my reaction to how people perceive me, and I change myself so that people can either like me or hate me, and in their reaction to how I portray myself, I too react and rearrange who I am according to their perceptions. The Superego is shaped by the people around us and how they see us and wee see them. If you live your whole life without ever encountering another person, your Superego is shaped by their absence.”
“So who are you?”
“I am Kelly Ross, friend of Jack Owen, Victoria Ellie, and Tyler Deck. I like jazz music and my favorite things to watch are shows on Animal Planet. I hate gym class, judgmental people, misogynistic politicians, and being alone. When I grow up, I want to be a bartender and own a night club.”
She finally knew, she finally knew who she was.
“Congratulations, you’re a third of the way to finding your Self. Your next step is to uncover why you distanced yourself from your Superego and why you subconsciously hid your identity from yourself. I strongly believe that there is a reason why it was so hard for you to figure out who you are, and that reason ties into one of the fundamental aspects of human nature. If you can figure out what that barrier is that blocked you off from your identity, then it is a straight shot to the Self.”
Lying on her back, Kelly looked over to Jack and smiled. “No one has ever believed in me before, no one has ever helped me this much. Thank you, Jack, thank you for everything.”
Chapter 6
BANG! The gunshot rang out to the sound of the flight attendant’s cry of pain as the bullet pierced her shoulder.
“Turn this plane around or I’m going to start killing passengers!” the man yelled, waving his gun at anyone who made the slightest of moves.
The screaming of terrified men and women filled the cabin as people realized that the plane had just been hijacked. While one of the passengers tried to help the wounded flight attended, the hijacker banged his gun against the locked cockpit door and repeated the order. Regardless of their fear, many passengers began recording the event with their phones, not knowing what else to do. Next to his father, Jack sat calmly in his seat, calculating his next move.
He wasn’t smiling, but he looked immune to the prospect of fear. It had taken him less than a second to figure it out: this was the return flight from New York to Portland and the hijacker had picked it for a suicide bombing attack against New York. They were barely in the first stage of the flight, but that made it the best time for the terrorist to make his move, because it meant that the plane was still loaded with fuel and would cause more damage when it crashed.
Taking a deep breath, Jack stood up and stepped out into the aisle.
——————————————————
Victoria was sitting in her living room with her parents, listening to the evening news. She was watching the clock, counting down the minutes until Jack’s plane would land. He had only been gone for two days, but it felt like an eternity. She couldn’t wait to see him again. On the TV, the ongoing story on the fiscal cliff was interrupted by a sudden announcement from Brian Williams, who was speaking in a very serious and nervous tone. This wasn’t good.
“Ladies and gentlemen, we’re receiving word that a plane traveling from New York to Portland has just been hijacked by a terrorist.”
Victoria’s parents nearly jumped from their seats while Victoria sat petrified, unable to breathe or move and feeling like her heart had just dropped right into her stomach. It couldn’t be true, it couldn’t be… Of all things to happen, a terrorist hijacks a plane and takes the man she loved hostage? Was he about to become one of the first casualties in the next 9/11? Was she going to lose the only man she had every truly loved and been close to?
“We are now going to play for you a recording of the terrorist’s demand through the plane’s radio. I should warn you, this might be graphic,” said the news anchor before the screen became dark.
“My name is Gerard Ali Lenaen, servant of the mighty Allah! For too long, the hedonistic nation of America has bullied the world and defecated on the religions of others! They have raped the homelands of my Muslim brothers and forced innocent people out of their homes to build the Zionist empire! Enough is enough! It is time for America to learn that it doesn’t rule the world and that it can’t do whatever it wants! It is time for this country of infidels to be put in its place!” the Middle Eastern man shouted into the radio before the line went silent.
The screen went back to Brian Williams, who was listening to his earpiece. “Wait, we’re now getting a live feed of the scene, via cellphone. Ladies and gentlemen, we shall broadcast this for as long as we can and keep the passengers on that plane in our hearts and prayers.”
The screen once again changed, this time showing a trembling low-quality view of the cabin of the plane. The point of view was from just past the middle of the cabin, showing the terrorist standing near the cockpit and a teenage boy in the aisle, completely calm, even with a pistol pointed at him. The man looked to be in his late thirties with an unshaven face and dark complexion, while the teenager looked pale with blond hair.
“Jack…” Victoria whispered with tears rolling down her face.
——————————————————
“Gerard Ali Lenaen, my name is Jack Owen, and it is a pleasure to meet you. While the circumstances may not be right for a friendly chat, I’m hoping that you and I can talk. I promise, I mean you no harm,” Jack said with his usual carefree smile.
“No! No talking! Get back in your seat or you’ll die!”
“I would think that you would want to talk. After all, I can’t imagine this being anything but a suicide attack, and you can’t expect me to believe that you are so willing to go to your grave without at least voicing your concerns and making sure that you are completely understood. As you can see, this moment is being recorded and streamed through many cell phones, don’t you want to use this opportunity to spread your message as clearly as you can? Use this chance to make sure the world understands your reasoning, what drives you.”
“This is your last warning, boy! Sit down or I will shoot!”
“So you won’t solidify your beliefs for the world or make sure that your message is clear, and neither will you indulge my humble request for a conversation. Pardon my boldness, but it seems to me like you are having doubts about what you are doing. The other passengers have been moving quite a lot since you made your declaration, and you know as well as I do that they are waiting for their chance to try and apprehend you.
However, instead of focusing your attention on the individuals who look like they could cause the most trouble, you are keeping your gun pointed at me, with the only movement coming from the trembling of your hand. From this, I can ascertain that you are more afraid of my words than you are of the violent actions of the other passengers.
You would rather face an attack, imprisonment, or even death, instead of taking an in-depth look at your motives through talking. You are afraid that you will be convinced to stop what you are doing, to be told that you are wrong for making this choice, and will see that you made a mistake.
You feel like my words can inflict far more harm than any desperate attempt to take your weapon or subdue you. I assure you that I have no intention of making any violent acts against you, and I ask that my fellow passengers please hold off on any attempts to change the situation, at least so that you and I can have an uninterrupted conversation.
If you truly are afraid of my words, then doesn’t that mean you should talk to me? Won’t facing me head on strengthen your own conviction? You have nothing to fear from a simple conversation unless you let it affect you.”
His face contorting in anger, Gerard pulled the trigger, shooting Jack in the right side of the chest. In her living room, Victoria tearfully screamed Jack’s name, refusing to believe what she had just seen. Harold Owen was in the same state, about to rush over to Jack’s side before his son stopped him. Staggering back but staying on his feet, Jack took several haggard breaths while covering the wound in his chest. Already, blood was pouring from his front and back, as well as dripping from his mouth, but regardless, he stayed standing and maintained his smile.
“Well, that’s one experience that I certainly wouldn’t mind not repeating,” he chuckled, as if without a care in the world. Everyone on the plane was in awe, unable to believe what had just happened and what was happening now.
“What the fuck are you?! Why aren’t you dead?!” Gerard shouted, shaking so badly that he could barely hold his gun straight.
“Oh, don’t worry, you’ve definitely inflicted a mortal wound. I’ll probably only last a few more hours if I don’t receive medical attention. The human body truly is a miraculous creation, and contrary to TV, it is built to withstand heavy damage. The chest especially has been shaped to protect and prolong the life of the organs, so much so, that it often takes several rounds directly to the vital organs to kill someone, not like that deadly one-shot kill that you always see in the movies. I admit, that was very painful and it is becoming difficult to breathe, but evolution gave us two lungs, so there is no reason to just quit and die when one gets damaged. It hurts, but I don’t mind.”
Everyone on the plane was dumbstruck, unable to believe what they were hearing and seeing. Who was this kid?! By now, almost everyone in the country was watching what was happening, and among them, Victoria, Kelly, Tyler, and the rest of Jack’s friends were almost smiling. This was the Jack they knew.
“Now, since you shot me, I think you at least owe me that conversation. I’m rather curious as to how you snuck that firearm onboard. Clearly you weren’t carrying it with you when you got on the plane, x-rays and body scans can detect even non-metallic firearms and weapons. I imagine that the gun was hidden on the plane before your arrival, meaning that either you or a co-conspirator has a job at the airport, working as a janitor or repairman. Was it hidden in the seat? In the bathroom? In a secret compartment?”
“Under the seat, I work as a janitor,” his opponent reluctantly admitted.
“Ah, they did something like that in The Godfather if I remember correctly, very clever. Now please, tell me about yourself. Tell me why you made this decision,” Jack said before coughing into his sleeve.
“I was born in Palestine and raised as a child in Gaza for many years, my parents forced out of Israel upon its founding and dominance by the Jews. Eventually, my family had to flee to Iraq to escape from the conflicts over the Gaza Strip. I’ve been a devout Muslim all my life and taught to believe in the love of Allah, but when my parents were murdered in the bombing of Bagdad by your government, I was forced to take my wife and children and leave. I tried to forgive America for killing my mother and father, I even moved to the states in the hope that my children could live a better life and escape the violence brought on by the war you started.
But after 9/11, America became hell for us. Your hate-filled monsters tormented us mercilessly! My children were tormented, I lost my job and spent years getting turned down by everyone I talked to in the search of work, and finally, my wife was murdered, killed in the streets for her faith! We left America right afterwards and returned to Iraq, only for some faceless US drone to kill my children in a bombing raid! I couldn’t even bury them, for there was nothing left but blood and gore splattered across the rubble!
This country has taken everything from me! It’s ruined my life! And yet you selfish Americans look down on my country and my people! What makes you so special? What gives you the right to take what you want and destroy the rest?! I’ve had enough of this country, it’s time for America to learn the meaning of justice and know what it feels like to be victimized!” he shouted with his eyes beginning to tear up.
The cabin was silent as everyone tried to stomach the words. The pain in Gerard’s voice was more real than anyone had expected or witnessed. They had heard things like this before, stories like Gerard’s on the news and in TV shows, but never before had they ever heard one in real life. The same silent scene was taking place in every TV room, with every viewer just letting Gerard’s speech sink in. Even Jack had removed his smile, when not even a bullet could make him.
“Your anger is understandable, however, do you really think this is the best choice? Do you really think that this will bring justice?”
“What are you talking about?”
“Look around you, Gerard, do you really think the people on this flight are as guilty as you want them to be? Look at the children cowering with their parents. Do you think they bullied your kids, bombed your town, and killed your family? They didn’t, Gerard, everyone here is innocent, and so too are the people in New York who will die if you crash this plane. No life is equal to another, so do you really think that killing innocent Americans is equal to killing innocent Iraqis? If someone killed one of the people you loved, would you get your revenge by killing the first random person you saw? Would that really be justice?
And even if this plane was filled with the people who were guilty for the pain in your life, you would be just as bad as them if you go through with this. There would be no justice, because while you may take their lives in vengeance for the lives of your family, you are just creating more victims in the form of their loved ones. If you were face to face with the man who killed and raped your wife, you might consider it justice to kill him, but can you look into the tear-filled eyes of that man’s loved ones and tell them that they must suffer the losing of someone they cared about to satisfy your own bloodlust? Can you tell them that they are not entitled to justice since you are?
You cannot hurt someone without hurting everyone who cares about them. Even in vengeance, all you do is create more victims who feel the same pain as you and are equally entitled to what you call justice. Think of all the people here; think of their friends and families, their loved ones. Do you think the pain that the people who care about them will feel at the news of their deaths is any less legitimate or deserving as the pain you felt when you lost your family?
Gerard, there is no justice here.”
He lowered his gun a few inches, but did not point it away from Jack. “You’re just trying to stop me because I’m attacking you and your country! If you weren’t here and weren’t from America, you wouldn’t care, you wouldn’t have any stake in this! No one cares about the people of my country, they only care about the people of theirs!”
“You’re wrong, Gerard, I care no more about America than I do Iraq or Palestine. Nations and borders mean nothing to me, because I don’t divide the people of this world. We are all people of Earth, we share the same home, the same emotions, and the same pain. No dividing ocean, line on a map, different language, or separate religion can change the fact that we are all one people, trying to find happiness and meaning in our lives.
American, Iraqi, Israeli, Muslim, Christian, Atheist… none of them mean anything unless we want them to and they only exist because people want to divide each other, but I don’t. The land that you come from means nothing me, just as the land I come from means nothing to me, because aren’t all from the same world and universe?
Gerard, you are not an Iraqi or a Muslim, and neither am I an American or an atheist. We are both people, shaped by the choices we make and our own perceptions of the world. The divisions created between people cause war and turmoil; they are born from our attempt to be different, even at our own expense and the expense of others. You and I may have different beliefs and different opinions, but I know the truth, and the truth is that you and I are exactly the same.
Now Gerard, you have a once in a lifetime opportunity here, one where you can do far more good than bad. The choice you make right now could change the entire world.”
“What are you talking about?” he asked, barely able to hold up his gun. It felt so heavy in his hands, like it hurt to keep it lifted. A part of him was screaming to put it down, but he still couldn’t.
“What you said about the rise of discrimination after 9/11 could not be more true, I too have seen the hatred and paranoia that has been born in the aftermath of those attacks. Bigots are targeting innocent Muslims and blaming them for the crimes of a few extremists, it sickens me. However, progress is slowly being made to repair the damage. Each day, the majority depiction of Islam is changing depending on the behavior of its members, but if you go through with this attack, you will hurt your own people more than you will hurt America.
How many important buildings can you destroy with this plane? How many lives can you take? Compare that to the amount of hatred that will be created in the aftermath. Prejudice and discrimination towards Muslims will skyrocket, the American people will carry a wound of hatred that will take decades to heal, and their paranoia will spread to the other countries, and they too will mistreat innocent Muslims out of fear and ignorance. If you go through with this attack, then the people that you are trying to protect will just be victimized by the entire world. Your own people will be hurt more by your actions than America. ”
“Said by someone who doesn’t care about Islam,” Gerard cursed, merely trying to think of a reason to keep his gun raised, even if he consciously didn’t recognize the desperation of the act.
“You’re wrong again, Gerard, I have great respect for the Islamic world, and that respect has been given to me by history itself. Any competent historian would admire and be in awe of the progress brought forth by Islam, especially during the Islamic Golden Age. More so than the Renaissance of Europe, any enlightened era of Asia or the Mediterranean, or even the Industrial Revolution of America, I consider the Islamic Golden Age as easily the high point of human civilization, bringing forth the greatest growth spurt of knowledge, art, and social progress in all of history!
If I could travel through time, I would journey back to the 10th and 11th centuries and study geometry and advance mathematics in Córdoba, science and astronomy in the House of Wisdom in Bagdad, or philosophy and art in Mecca! The entire modern world, including America, was built on the knowledge collected and born in the Islamic Golden Age! Our modern world owes your ancestors everything!
After the Mongol invasion, Islam unfortunately fell from its peak, but now, you have a chance to help it move back in the direction of progress. The greatest stereotype of Islam is that it is a religion of ignorant violence, a stereotype that too easily becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy, but now you can prove everyone wrong. Show the world that a Muslim who was about to wage an act of terrorism can see the light and return to being a man of peace! Show the world that no religion can be blamed for the choices of its fanatical minority! Show the world that the Islamic culture can once again be a shining beacon for mankind!”
“It doesn’t matter, they’ll lock me up as soon as this plane lands,” Gerard admitted, finally giving up.
“But they can’t silence you, and they can’t hide what has transpired here. Look at all these phones recording our conversation, each one holding the proof that even the most bitter Muslim is ready to forgive and believe in peace, just like any Christian, Jew, Hindu, Taoist, atheist, or other person of faith. The world is watching, Gerard.
You have basically become the face of the Islamic culture, and now the world is watching and waiting to see which direction you turn your faith towards. Through the events of today and your work in the future, would-be terrorists will hopefully see that we can live in a peaceful world and that there is another way for Islam to regain the respect it once possessed, and bigots and racists will realize that we don’t need to hate an entire group of people or an entire culture for the choices of the few.” He then walked over to Gerard and held his hand out to him. “What happens now is up to you, Gerard, and I will help you every step of the way if you need me to.”
Instead of replying, Gerard fell to his knees, sobbing with the pistol pressed against his forehead. “I can’t give up! Something has to be done! My family is dead and I can’t live without them! This is all I have left!”
Wincing with flesh blood spurting from his wound and his breathing further labored, Jack got down on one knee. Cell phones surrounded the two men, all recording the conversation and transmitting it around the world. Jack leaned forward and grasped Gerard’s shoulders, forcing the broken man to look into his eyes. “They are not gone, Gerard. They are still with you, just as they always have been. I know your pain, believe me. Just a few days ago, I attended my mother’s funeral. A drunk driver killed her, and my father and I flew down to Washington to visit my great aunt and uncle. I know what it’s like to lose family, and that is why every word I speak to you here and now is the truth. Your family has not left you; they live on in your heart, in your memories, and in you. You found a wonderful woman to marry and you created a family, but really, it is your family that created you. Your wife and children shaped you into who you are today, and the influence they had on you will never leave and never change.
Even if you are alone, even if you live to be a hundred years old, the day will never come when you will look into a mirror and not see a husband and a father. Every decision you have made, you made because you know the love of having a family and the pain of losing them. Every choice that you have made could not have been done by anyone who did not know what it was like to raise children and have a wife, and for the rest of your life, whatever path you choose to walk down will only be possible because of how your family made you.
Think, Gerard, you know the pain of losing family, and instead of inflicting that pain on others, you have the chance to save them from it. All the people on this plane and all the people in New York, you have the chance to spare them the same pain you went through. Ask yourself what has to be done, not as a terrorist, a man of Allah, or a native of the Middle East, but as a father and a husband. You know the decision you have to make.”
With a shaky hand, Gerard handed him the pistol and Jack, in turn, hugged him, letting the former terrorist shed every last pent up tear. Jack looked up to one of the flight attendants. “Can you please tell the Captain to continue the flight to Portland? My girlfriend is waiting for me and I’d like to see her as soon as I can,” Jack asked while Gerard cried on his shoulder.
——————————————————
“Jack! Jack!” Victoria tearfully cried out, sprinting through the airport terminal towards the gate where the plane had landed. Before her was a sea of police, SWAT members, and reporters, all wanting to get a look at the terrorist and the hero who had stopped him.
Across all forms of media, the streamed cell phone videos were being played and replayed, with people all over the world either exploding in reaction to Jack’s words or being left speechless. The entire world had been woken up when the news broke out that the plane had been hijacked and everyone was desperate to find out how a catastrophe had been avoided. Every social media site was plastered with updates from the news and words of awe and admiration from the people who had watched the video.
Victoria charged into the mob of spectators without any hesitation or doubt that she would reach Jack. She was going to make it through and see him, no matter how many people got in her way and how hard she had to fight through them. Even if the police maced and tazed her, she would not stop until she laid eyes on him. Above her, elevated cameras began flashing wildly as the star of the show came out with the police forcing everyone back to open a path.
He was carried on a stretcher with an oxygen mask hooked up to his face, saline and morphine running through his veins, thick layers of gauze covering his wounds, and his worried father clutching his hand. He was in critical condition, having lost almost half of his blood, and was doped with enough painkillers to stock an emergency clinic. Regardless he refused to lose consciousness or his smile.
To the sounds of everyone’s applause, Victoria fought tooth and nail through the crowd, calling out Jack’s name until she finally reached the open air and was held back by the arms of two security guards. Jack was right in front of her, the two of them staring into each other’s eyes. Victoria couldn’t move, couldn’t breathe, and couldn’t think. All she could do was take in the sight of Jack’s injury and the vast amount of blood that covered him. That image petrified her beyond anything she had ever experienced, the sight of man she loved so close to death after coming through hell.
“Victoria,” Jack whispered, inaudible beneath the reporters’ clapping and questions, but more than strong enough to shake her from her paralysis.
“Jack. Jack!” she cried out, reaching out to him but being held back by the police.
“It’s ok, let her through,” he said, barely able to speak.
The officers gave in and Victoria rushed over, almost tackling the stretcher but managing to come to a stop. Clutching Jack’s hand, she burst into fresh tears, unable to voice how worried she had been and how relieved she now was. As Jack was moved further from the gate, a new rush of excitement ran through the barely civil crowd as Gerard was brought out by two officers, bound in handcuffs.
“Wait, bring him over,” Jack said to the men carrying the stretcher, and again to the police.
With reporters taking as many pictures as their cameras could hold, Gerard was brought over to Jack, while being held tightly by his two armed escorts to make sure he didn’t try anything.
Letting go of his dad’s hand, Jack reached out and grasped Gerard’s with surprising strength, as if his wound had never happened. “Go with God,” he murmured, those words one final gift to the man whose faith had been shaken.
Jack then gave one final sigh and closed his eyes, having said what he wanted to say and now more than willing to let the pain meds kick in.
——————————————————
“You raised a truly amazing son,” Victoria said, waiting with Harold in the ER, desperate for news on the results of Jack’s surgery.
The room was empty, save for the few generic people who always seemed to get hurt at night. However, there was a crowd of reporters outside, eager for any news on Jack’s condition. There was a TV up in the corner of the room set to the late-night news, and as expected, it was about the events in the plane.
Mentally and emotionally exhausted, Jack’s father laughed. “Not really. I fed him, clothed him, sheltered him, loved him, and did all the other things a good father is supposed to do, but none of the miracles he performs has anything to do with my parenting methods. I don’t know what he’s been telling you. Hell, I barely understand the things he says, and he didn’t learn any of that stuff from me.”
“It’s hard to imagine Jack being this smart as a little kid, sitting on the jungle gym and preaching to his preschool followers.”
“He was, though he was never so outspoken about it. For as long as I can remember, he’s always just been a happy kid, wanting nothing more than to listen to music or for others to be happy. When he was little and we’d ask him what he would want for Christmas or his birthday, he’d grin as always and say he just wanted his mother and me to smile and be happy. He was never the kind of child who was interested in toys or material possessions. Sometimes I think that maybe he was as smart now as he was when he was a little kid, and he’s just been waiting anxiously to grow up so that he could be more outspoken about his views and not have to hide them.”
“Sometimes I wonder if he’s even human.”
“I always knew Jack would do great things, everyone knew it, and I’ve just been waiting for him to make a big enough impact for people to realize it. I can’t think of anyone other than my son who could have possibly come up with the amazing things I heard up in that plane, and I doubt anyone can. This is what he was born to do.”
The surgeon stepping out of the operation ward, wearing a confident smile, interrupted them.
“Doctor, how is my son?”
“Don’t worry, he’s just fine. His bullet wound was one of the cleanest I’ve ever seen and the damage to the interior of the lung is surprisingly minimal. He’ll have trouble breathing for a while and he won’t be able to move well, but he’ll make a full recovery in a month at most. I must say, considering how long ago he was wounded, how much blood he lost, and all that he did, the stamina and will to endure that your son showed is nothing short of miraculous.”
“Can we see him?” Victoria asked.
“Yes, but he’ll be deep asleep. He needs to rest after everything he’s been through.”
——————————————————
“Morphine is a wonderful thing,” Jack said, shocking Victoria with the very fact that he was wide-awake and talking normally, though he required an oxygen mask. The two of them were alone; Harold was delivering the good news to friends and family by phone and would be back in a minute.
“Jack…” Victoria whispered, trying to hold back tears.
“Don’t worry, Victoria, I’m fine.”
Ignoring what he said, she again ran over and tackled him, falling apart into a sobbing mess on his lap. Jack could only chuckle and stroke her hair until she calmed down.
“I was so scared, I thought I was going to lose you.”
“You’ll never lose me. I swear to you, as long as you are alive, I will never die. No matter what I must endure, I will do everything I can to keep you from shedding a single tear not in joy.”
“You mean everything to me, I don’t know how I could possibly live without you.”
“You would find a way, you are too resilient to give up on life. As long as you have the will to live, you can be happy every single day.”
“I can’t believe it, I just can’t believe it. Jack… what you did up there was the most amazing thing I’ve seen or heard in my life,” Victoria admitted, pulling back and wiping away her tears.
“It was nothing. I just told him what he needed to hear.”
“As modest as ever. Don’t even try and shrug off this heroic act.”
“No, I mean it. Anyone could have done what I did. We all have the capability to help each other, it all depends on how understanding we are and how much we want to save people, even if we ourselves are the ones we should be saving.”
——————————————————
It was clear, the country considered Jack to be a national hero, but there was more to it than just the fact that he stopped the next big terrorist attack. He had spoken with such clarity, wisdom, and experience, that people couldn’t believe he was only sixteen years old. Many people were even checking the order of words to make sure he hadn’t copied his speech from someone or something else. Videos taken from cell phones on the flight were now the most popular clips on YouTube, with every word he said being studied and analyzed. Jack was being praised as a genius and prodigy, worthy of receiving the Nobel Peace Prize.
Dozens of websites had been started, honoring him and spreading his teachings of love, forgiveness, worldwide unity, and coping with grief. On the news, on the radio, and even in classrooms, his speech was being taught and reviewed like the declaration of a historical figure. He was being used as an example across the globe, with his words being applied to international conflicts. Nowhere was this surge of adoration greater than in the Middle East, where Muslims were praising him for being able to see through the hatred and stigmas and release the truth. Anti-American sentiment and violent extremism were being replaced with loving pride and the desire to rebuild the image of the Islamic Word and its effects on the international community, with Muslims now wanting to surpass the rest of the world and become the societal model they once were.
As Jack had said, Gerard Lenaen became the face for all of Islam and was doing everything he could to repeat and spread what Jack had taught him. He had been arrested and was awaiting sentencing without bail, but the world was listening to him and paying attention to his new message. With the eyes of the world on him, the US government didn’t have the nerve to toss him into Guantanamo Bay. As expected, there were those of the right wing who criticized Jack as being an Islamist supporter and unpatriotic for not loving America, but there were more people who were even considering him to be the second coming of Christ.
——————————————————
Days passed and Jack remained in the hospital, every afternoon spent with Victoria greeting him.
“More people are forming a fan club at school for you, declaring you a king among heroes.”
“I’m not a hero, I just did what I do best: fix problems. Besides, I would have died if I had done nothing, so a lot of it could be simply explained as an act to ensure my survival.”
“Don’t even try to act like you aren’t a hero. Just yesterday, a teacher in an elementary school in Connecticut was able to talk down a crazed gunman before he started killing kids, she said she was inspired by you and tried to use what she learned from watching you. And even if you don’t consider what you did to be heroic, it was one of the most amazing things I had ever seen. By the way, how are you feeling? It looks like they took you off the heart monitor.”
“I’m feeling good. The doctors say that the worst part is over and I should be fully healed in a couple weeks, but I can go home tomorrow. The only problem is that it hurts a little when I take deep breaths and moving is uncomfortable.”
A coy smile crossed Victoria’s face. “Then how about I do something to make you feel better?” She walked over to the door and shut it, making sure that no one could see them through the small window in the center. She then returned to Jack, shaking her hips from side to side while removing her sweater. Jack smiled as she climbed up onto the bed, crouching on all fours over him.
“You don’t have to move or exert yourself, I’ll take care of everything. You just lie back and relax and let me work my magic,” she purred as she leaned forward and gently kissing him.
As Victoria slipped her tongue into his mouth, Jack watched through the corner of his eyes as she unzipped her jeans and pulled them down her shapely ass, along with her skimpy thong. They French kissed for almost a minute, each of them voicing their emotions without a sound, instead letting their tongues and lips do the talking in a very moist conversation. After a minute, Victoria sat up and removed her shirt and bra, and fully pulled off her jeans and thong. On all fours and shaking her ass from side to side, she pulled away the blanket over Jack, as well as his hospital gown. Already, his cock was engorged with blood and standing at attention.
A wide smile on her face, Victoria leaned down and pressed his cock against her cheek, rubbing up against it like a cat against a table corner. Holding out her tongue, she gave a long slow lick up the shaft and finished by giving the head a loving wet kiss. Licking her lips, she continued kissing it, then moved on and wrapped her lips around the head, toying with Jack while she flitted her tongue in the slit. Ever since Jack had been admitted to the hospital, Victoria had been given him get-well blowjobs each day, and her skill had certainly increased, already putting her in the same league as Kelly. Jack even had to wonder if she had asked her for tips.
Jack licked his lips and gave a shivering stretch as Victoria took his entire cock in his mouth, letting the head prod the back of her throat while she slathered the shaft with saliva. She kept her head still, with her eyes rolling back as she worked to keep her gag reflex under control. After a few seconds, she pulled back to catch her breath and spit on his cock, panting while she stroked him with her saliva as lubricant. Once she was ready, she then moved forward, bringing her lap onto his. Grasping his wet manhood, she guided it into her pussy and lowered herself onto it, giving a coo of joy as it entered her.
Jack too released a grunt from the wonderful sensation of being inside her, glad to again be able to feel Victoria’s velvet sleeve. Once he was all the way inside of her, Victoria leaned forward and grabbed the corners of Jack’s bed behind him, raising herself with the corners being used for leverage. After giving him a soft kiss, she brought herself back down onto his cock. Repeating that movement, she leaned forward and lifted her body, proceeding then to slam herself back down. Moaning softly, she began playing this maneuver over and over again at greater and greater speeds. While Victoria bounced up and down on his cock, Jack leaned forward and licked her bouncing tits and kept his hands on her sculpted rear, helping her move up and down on him.
“Oh god, you feel so good! I love it when you’re all nice and deep inside me!” Victoria whined over the unmistakable clapping of flesh against flesh.
“I love you so much, Victoria, and your body feels so amazing. I never want to stop making love to you.”
Feeling her body approaching its first orgasm, Victoria doubled the intensity of her movements, bouncing on Jack’s phallus like it was a pogo stick, while of course making sure he was never in discomfort and that her moans wouldn’t be heard outside. Within minutes, she was leaning back on one hand, using her other hand to touch herself while she rode him wildly. With each upward thrust of her body, her breasts would rise as if experiencing zero-gravity and then come back down like the weight of a trebuchet, bouncing like a couple of water balloons.
“Oh god, yes! Oh, that feels so good!” she cried out, rubbing her sopping wet pussy as she came.
Without dismounting, she turned around with her back to him, staying on her knees and leaning forward. Moving only her lower body, she began bouncing her ass on Jack’s lap, rising and falling on his cock while her ass cheeks jiggled and clapped which each downward thrust. Jack lied back with an amused smile, watching her shake her ass as she bounced up and down on his manhood almost desperately. In her mind, Victoria was hornier than she had been in days, and feeling very kinky. Then, as if reading her mind, Jack began smacking and squeezing her jiggling ass, making her so hot and aroused that she wanted to cry out in sexual excitement.
Suddenly, without knowing what she was doing but desperate for further stimulation, she reached back and inserted her middle finger into her ass, causing Jack’s eyebrows to rise in surprise and amusement. Having never tried this before, Victoria was momentarily overwhelmed by the anal penetration of her finger, but instantly, she was moaning in euphoria, feeling so naughty and kinky. Continuing to bounce on Jack’s cock, Victoria fingered her asshole wildly, chewing on her hair to keep from screaming in joy. Finally, she pulled her finger out and sucked it clean, not even noticing any taste and instead focusing on the erotic act itself. With a yelp and a smile, she looked back at Jack, who had taken her place and was fingering her asshole.
“Goddamn, I love you. Jack, baby, I think I’m going to cum!”
“Me too,” he replied, working his index finger into her ass as well as his middle finger.
Giving a shrill whine, Victoria had a gushing orgasm while Jack emptied his load into her pussy, filling her with semen. Dismounting him, she turned around and took his fingers in her mouth, hysterically licking them clean. She then crouched down and began sucking him off, licking up the mixture of pussy juice and sperm like her life depended on it. It took less than a minute for Jack to have his second orgasm, shooting every last drop of cum he had onto her face and into her mouth, which Victoria eagerly licked up and swallowed.
“Oh god, that was amazing,” Victoria groaned, lying beside him.
“Yeah, I think we found something new to use.”
“Slow down big boy, let’s save that for your birthday.” She got off the bed and walked over to the sink so that she could wash off her face and rinse out her mouth. “All right, I have to go. I’ll see you at home tomorrow?”
“I’m looking forward to it,” Jack replied before she came over and gave him a kiss. Smiling and giving him a small wave goodbye, Victoria opened the door and stepped into the hall, where a group of nurses and doctors were all waiting for her and trying not to laugh.
——————————————————
Leaning on a cane to take the weight off the right side of his chest, Jack stepped out of the hospital and into a crowd of photographers. His father was with him, trying to clear a path to the car while over a dozen cameras flashed wildly.
“Mr. Owen, you are due to receive the Medal of Freedom next week, do you have any comments?” a reporter asked.
“I don’t need a medal as a reward for what I did, all I need is the knowledge that I was able to help someone get onto the path of peace and that I did good in the world.”
“Mr. Owen, what religion do you follow?” another member of the paparazzi asked.
“I am an atheist, but I’m no sure there is a proper word for my beliefs. I do not need religion to guide me through life or decide my morals for me, I only need the desire to fix problems in this world and spread the word of love across all mankind.”
“Would you accept the Medal of Freedom if you were allowed to give a speech to the nation?”
“If it would mean that I would have the chance to help people with my words and offer some guidance to those listening, then I would gladly fly to DC to receive the medal. Now if you’ll excuse me, I must head home and rest for school tomorrow.” Jack said, finally reaching his car.
——————————————————
“I got to say, it’s nice that you finally have a bed in here,” Victoria said, sitting with Jack in his bedroom on the new foldout couch. She had skipped school to spend the day with him, and to pass time, they were playing cards while music played in the background.
“Well the doctors say that I need to lie down as much as I can. Just going to school and sitting at a desk for several hours is pushing it. While I prefer to meditate through the night, I admit that it is nice to finally have some furniture in here, especially since I finally have a reason to use it.”
“Yeah, I can’t wait for you to get better so we can really break it in. By the way, I heard about the Medal of Freedom. Are you going to accept it?”
“I will if they want me to. But I see no reason to place the value of what I did on a medal. Though I do like the idea of being able to give a speech.”
“I think you should do it, speech or no speech. I think it will really nail in everything you said on that flight. And if you are able to talk, you’ll finally be able to teach the world. Besides, don’t you want to be able to be able to show it to our future kids?”
“All right, I’ll do it.” He finally said.
——————————————————
“So have you heard?” Kelly asked, sitting on the other side of the table from Tyler in the school cafeteria.
“Heard what?” Tyler asked in return.
“Jack is flying down to DC to receive the Presidential Medal of Freedom. He’ll meet the president and give a televised speech.”
“Wow, that’s cool,” Tyler said, but not very convincingly.
“What’s up? You’ve basically been a zombie for days.”
“Kelly, what do you know about Jack?”
“We’ve been over that, I don’t know very much about him. I know a tiny bit about his past and his hobbies, if that’s what you mean.”
“I mean… have you ever noticed anything unusual about him? Other than his personality of course… Have you ever felt like he wasn’t normal in some very distinct way? Like he had some unnatural ability?”
Kelly’s brow furrowed, knowing where he was going. Had he also figured out that Jack was more than a regular human? “Have you talked to him about this?”
“Yeah, when I visited him in the hospital. He told me he would answer all of my questions on his birthday, the 21st.”
“He told me the same thing…” Kelly said, causing Tyler to slowly look up from his food at her.
“So you have noticed something?”
Kelly took a deep breath, knowing that there was no point in hiding it any longer. “Tyler, have you been having any weird dreams where Jack talks to you?”
Tyler’s eyes widened and he lost the ability to breathe, feeling like he had just taken a punch to the gut. “Yeah, you too?”
“It’s more than that. Tyler, you and everyone in this school knows my reputation. You know I used to do hard drugs and whore myself out. I had gonorrhea, chlamydia, and even HIV. But Jack… Jack cured me of all of it. He cured me of all my diseases, he purged me of all traces of drugs and took away my withdrawal symptoms, and he even restored my virginity. He did it through my dreams. I actually woke up in the middle of night, looked in the mirror, and realized that I had been cured. It was almost like he was Freddy Krueger.
I don’t know who he is or even what he is. All I know is that he has some sort of power, something beyond ESP or mindreading, and it probably goes even farther than that.”
“He helped me get over my sister’s death and taught me the meaning of life. On the night of his mom’s funeral, he appeared in my dream and told me that he would be going on a trip, but when he returned, he would teach the three of us how to achieve our Selves. What happened on the flight obviously got in the way. Do you think Victoria knows?”
“From what it sounds like, people have to be told before they can actually figure it out. If Victoria knows about him, it’s only because he told her, and I doubt he did. Right now, I’m just wondering what the hell will happen on the 21st.”
——————————————————
Thunderous applause and cheering met Jack and Victoria as they walked into school. Jack had finally returned and he was now a legend and a hero in their school, he would be the most favorite student to attend the school for years to come! As they maneuvered through the crowd, people congratulated Jack, patted him on the back, and thanked him for saving so many lives. Approaching with wide smiled were Tyler and Kelly, both glad to see Jack out of the hospital.
“Welcome back, everyone has been dying to see you,” Tyler said.
“Thank you, I’ve been longing to come back. How have things been without me?”
“Other than people celebrating you every day like it’s the end of WW2, pretty boring. Tyler and I have been waiting for you to come back, just so that we can see how everyone acts,” Kelly giggled.
“Well they’ll have something new to talk about soon. I’m being flown in to Washington this weekend, I’m going to receive the Medal of Freedom.”
——————————————————
“So have you figured out why you differentiated yourself from everyone?” Jack asked, speaking to Victoria in one of her dreams.
“I think so,” she said softly, looking up into space. Walking over, Jack laid down on the invisible ground beside her and wrapped his hand around hers.
“Tell me about it.”
“When I was a little kid, my parents took me to a cemetery to visit the grave of my grandmother. While I was there, I came across many graves that had been abandoned and forgotten. They were overgrown and weathered down, scattered to the very fringes of the cemetery. No flowers had been placed in front of them in decades, and the caretaker certainly hadn’t been maintaining them. These people, they were completely forgotten by the world and their families. And it wasn’t just them, I was walking past countless stones, engraved with hollow names and words that no longer meant anything. So many people live and die without ever leaving an impact or being remembered, They are never studied, never admired, never valued… it’s like they become worthless.
From that point on, I was terrified of being forgotten. Going to that cemetery, I was basically scarred for life. I promised myself that I wouldn’t become like those nameless skeletons under the earth, I wanted to be someone that people would remember. I wanted to be the kind of person that would be known and mourned by the entire country, someone that students would write research papers on after finding me in their textbooks, someone who would leave a mark on history and always be remembered.”
“And in order to achieve that dream, you had to separate yourself from others and excel. You had to see yourself as different so that history would see you as different. But you were young when you made this decision, and everyone knows that the dreams and aspirations of young children are mostly abandoned as they grow. So did your phobia of being forgotten, at least in its intensity and the manifestation of your desire to become famous. But even if this fear was buried in the back of your mind over time, you could not overcome that primordial desire to see yourself as different from others. As the years past, the individuality turned into alienation.
All humans face the grim prospect of death and all of its meanings. The fear of being forgotten lies in everyone’s heart, for we are always plagued by the insatiable need to find value and meaning in our lives. But in truth, no matter how hard we try, what we deem to be our legacies will never achieve immortality to the decay of time. Achilles, Leonidas, Alexander, Cesar… these are but a handful of the men who have sought immortality in legend and history, and for now, they are remembered and adored.
But consider all those who wanted the same thing and have now been turned to dust. They all shared the same dream, but no one alive can tell you their names, their beliefs, their fears, or what their characters were. Then you have those in between, those who were legends in their own time and achieved greatness, but now are forgotten. You need look no further than in our line of presidents. How many people do you know that can list off the name of every president, state their failures and accomplishments, the impact they left on the country, and their contributions to our present? I would imagine the number to be very few.
Even religions like Christianity are vulnerable to the effects of time. True, the name Jesus Christ has commanded power for two millennia, but do you have any idea how many religions there were before Christianity? Religions that commanded the same authority before being forgotten and buried in the past? Imagine if Earth was facing imminent destruction, so a fraction of its population boarded shuttles with what pieces of history and culture they could bring with them and took off, escaping to the closest inhabitable world and starting knew. Even with everything they brought, how much history and culture do you think would be eternally forgotten? How strong do you think people’s faiths would be when the world that their religions were born on was destroyed? Everyone is eventually forgotten, there is no escaping that fact.
What matters are the life you live and whether or not you are happy. If I die without changing the life of even a single person, I will still be content, because I will know on my deathbed that I lived a happy life and enjoyed what I did. Even if my body were to be cast aside into a forest without the smallest grave marker and no one to remember me, I would be happy, knowing that the memories I have of my loved ones are real and will stay with me. Even if we cannot change the future in our likening, we can at least find comfort that the unchanging past will always be there to support us with its unfaltering reliability.
Tell me, Victoria, if you lived a happy life, would you mind being forgotten?”
“I don’t know.”
He sat up. “Let me rephrase it: if you could choose between living your life with me or being remembered in history, which would you choose?” He held his hand out to her with a smile, and mirroring that smile, Victoria grasped his hand and sat up with him.
“I’d choose you, every single time,” she murmured lovingly.
“So if you lived a happy life with the man you loved, would you care about being remembered? Would you be afraid of being forgotten?”
Victoria took a deep breath. “No, I wouldn’t. I wouldn’t care and I wouldn’t be afraid,” she said, trembling from the sensation of enlightenment rushing through her and illuminating her mind.
She finally understood why she had always felt different from others and why she had never been able to feel attracted to guys until meeting Jack, and with it, she lost her fear. Just as Jack had told her what felt so long ago, now that she was aware of her world, she wanted to go beyond it.
“Then you are ready. You have shed the weights of your awareness and the mental scaffolds that supported who you are and what you believe. The core of who you are is now exposed, and you are ready to discover your Self. Congratulations, Victoria. I knew you could do it.”
Victoria woke up with a jolt, out of breath as always. She looked around and remembered where she was. She was sitting next to Jack with Harold Owen on the other side of him, the three riding in first class on a flight to DC. It was the middle of the night and all the passengers were asleep. Staring at Jack and noting his smile, she wondered if he was really just meditating or actually maintained his grin in his sleep.
Flushed with emotions, she smiled and leaned her head on his shoulder. “Thank you, Jack, thank you for everything,” she murmured, closing her eyes and drifting back to sleep.
——————————————————
Jack sat on an oak chair, drumming his hands on the handle of his aluminum cane. The room was brightly lit by stage lights for the benefit of the cameras situated in back, with the light reflecting off the white wall brightly, but shining the brightest on the golden tapestry behind the podium. The room was filled with people, all seated in short rows going to the back wall, with all eyes either focused on Jack or the president, who was standing behind the podium. Clearing his throat, Barrack Obama began to speak.
“I know that this ceremony is normally performed once a year and often includes more people, but with the amount of progress brought forth by the young man sitting beside me, I thought that an exception could of course be made. Jack Owen is a young man who only appeared on the news several days before, never heard of until the hijacking of flight 154. But regardless of his age and anonymity, he has done the work of national hero, using nothing but the power of his words and his determination to help someone who he saw as a victim, but everyone else saw as a villain.
It takes a lot of courage and strength to fight for your life, to physically apprehend a terrorist who plans on committing an act of mass destruction. But it takes a lot of wisdom and heart to see into the soul of that man and talk him down and change his entire perspective. As we have seen across the globe over these past few days, Jack Owen did more than just protect the lives of American citizens and historical landmarks in Boston. He showed the world that even the most intense anger can be quelled by the understanding of others, and that the path to peace is always an option. He has brought the downfall of the world’s rhetoric to a screeching halt and has replaced what could have been a whole new war and decades of bitter resentment and prejudice with the desire to end violence and bring the Islamic world, and the entire world itself, into the light.
The fact that this adolescent, this teenager, is able to see the world with such clarity and speak with much wisdom, shows only that we all have the capability to put a stop to violence. If this young man can do it, then hopefully the leaders of the world and the people with the ability to cause or prevent chaos can do the same. It is a great honor to introduce the recipient of the Medal of Freedom.”
As Jack stood up and began walking over, the announcer began to speak. “For preventing the greatest terrorist attack since 9/11 and promoting peace between the nations and religions of the earth, Jack Owen is hereby awarded the Presidential Medal of Freedom. It is a token and a sign of gratitude for his bravery, his wisdom, and his caring.”
Jack stood by the podium, resting his hands on his cane while the president and hung the medal from his neck, with the gold star and silver eagle shining beautifully. As the pictures were taken, Jack looked over to Victoria and his father, seated amongst the crowd, both crying tears of joy and pride while they and everyone else clapped. Victoria was garbed in a deep-violet dress with a single strap across her shoulder, decorated with lace in the shape of flowers. The dress had a slit going up each side, stopping halfway up her thigh. Her hair was tied up in a bun with diamond clips that her mom had leant her, and her eyes were filled with adoration and love.
“As per the mutual desire of both the President and award recipient, Jack Owen would now like to say a few words,” the announcer stated.
Holding out his arm to the podium, Obama stepped aside with a nod and Jack moved behind it, clearing his throat and looking into the sea of cameras, lights, and faces. People throughout the country were watching the event, including Kelly, Tyler, and everyone from Jack’s school, as well as everyone who had known him from his previous school.
“People of America and the world, I would first like to thank you for taking time out of your day and watch this event. In truth, I did not accept this award for its symbolism or weight, but because I was told I would have a chance to spread my beliefs to everyone listening. Through my years, I have come to learn the source of violence and the reason for its existence. People act aggressively towards each other because there is something that they are trying to protect, be it their possessions, resources, loved ones, or even their own lives. But what few realize is just how little there really is in our lives that is worth an act of violence towards someone else.
Humans naturally create divisions and barriers, separating each other into different classifications. We do this in an attempt to understand our world and ourselves, by using others as an extended reach to see how mankind reacts to different aspects of life. it is the first form of empathy, the way in which we gauge the world around us. We label someone as lazy so that we can imagine what it is like to be in that person’s shoes, we may be untrustworthy of people from another ethnic or social group because we see the cultural path they have taken as dangerous to our own ways of life and use them as test subjects.
We then turn against each other over those divisions, once again trying to understand or destroy what we don’t understand. This is human nature, but that does not mean it is human law. We don’t have to erect dividers between people and we don’t have to feel aggressive towards them because of the differences we create. Everyone is an individual with his or her own beliefs and ideals, some of which may be shared by others, but when you look upon all of mankind, you see that there is no reason for violence to spring forth from any difference we might create.
We are all human beings, trying to find happiness and meaning in our lives. We all have the same feelings, desires, and needs. We are all one species, living together on this blue speck in the endlessly expanding universe. If you can realize this, if you can see beyond the petty squabbles that hold us back, you can discover a love in your heart directed towards everyone and everything. You can truly be at peace and live in happiness, never falling prey to barbaric desires of violence.
Half of reality is what we make of it; our perceptions control our world. If a vase falls to the floor and shatters, no one can deny it, but it is only through our perception and choices that the vase actually becomes broken or ruined. We all hold the keys to our own pain and our own happiness, each and every one of you has the ability to live in either hell or heaven, it all depends on how well you know yourself and how you choose to perceive your world. All feelings come from the Self and the values we place on the things around us, so if you can find your Self and your true core, then you can control what values you place on everything and you can make your world paradise. You will be able to understand everything and be overcome with euphoria.
On the plane to Portland, Gerard Lenaen shot me in the chest. When he asked me how I was still alive, I told him that all humans had the capability to survive my injury, and while the wound was very painful, I did not mind that it hurt because I placed no value on it. Just before that flight, my mother died in a car accident. But instead of crying and feeling like I would never be happy again, I looked at the event with the same view that I use to look at the universe and value everything in it. I saw my mother, not as dead, but as having returned to what she was before she was born. I knew that what made her who she was still existed and always would exist, be it the atoms in her cells continuing to exist beneath the soil or the energy from her mind and soul being released back into the universe. I saw my mother not as being gone, but as a new and changed form of the sum of all her parts.
We all have the ability to do this, we all have the ability to look past the negatives of pain and see the light in every event and in life itself. We all have the ability to live in happiness if that is how we choose to see the world and add meaning to everything in it. Depending on how everyone on this planet decides to change their view, we could eliminate violence and war once and for all. After all, happiness walks hand in hand with peace. Thank you ladies and gentlemen, I hope my words have helped you gain some insight into who you are.”
He then bowed his head as everyone stood up with thunderous applause.
——————————————————
Jack and Victoria stood in the parking garage next to their hotel. They had been planning to go out and do a little sight seeing before the evening ended, but it seemed that fate had different plans. They were being circled by five degenerates, ranging in age from late teens to late twenties, with their clothing suggesting that they weren’t on the positive side of the law. They had recognized Jack immediately, and it seemed that they had a problem with his message. Victoria was terrified, but Jack remained completely calm and retained his smile.
“You know, rag-head lovers make me sick. My uncle died on 9/11, killed by your friends. Now here you are, a traitor to the country, getting a motherfucking medal,” one of the thugs grunted, spinning an unreleased folding knife in his fingers.
“I’m very sorry for your loss, but I’m afraid you have mistaken my intentions. I do not support terrorism, or extremist Muslims who use violence to achieve their goals. I simply believe that you cannot persecute an entire group of people for the behavior of its fanatical minority,” Jack said without losing his smile.
“So if one of us decides that your face would look nice when sliced to pieces and spread out on this pavement floor, you won’t blame all of us?” Another asked.
“While I would greatly prefer that you do not do that, if harming me will help you resolve any issues, then I welcome you do it. However, I must ask that you do not cause any lethal damage, as I have no intention of dying before the 21st.”
“And what about your girlfriend? She certainly looks like a nice piece of ass. I doubt you’d keep that smile if one of us was inside of her,” one laughed.
Victoria looked at Jack in horror, and saw the slightest twitch in his eye.
“In order to keep her safe and happy, I will do what I must to protect the one I love. I say again, you may hurt me if that will help you resolve your issues, but she is not a part of this.”
“Just try and stop us!” one of the men laughed, reaching out to Victoria.
Before the man could touch her, he released a howl of agony and stepped back as his arm was suddenly ripped apart, cell by cell. Everyone watched in horror as the flesh was peeled away, the muscles shredded, and the bone reduced to powder, and all with blood spraying in all directions, save for Victoria and Jack’s. The man fell on the ground, screaming shrilly and clutching the bloody stump, unable to fathom what had just happened. Victoria stared at the man with her face deathly white, struggling to accept what she was looking at. She was clutching Jack’s arm for dear life, but it no longer felt like him. It felt more like she was holding onto a cold statue.
“I normally refrain from any acts of violence, so I sincerely apologize. Don’t worry, I’ll return it to you,” Jack said cheerfully without even turning to the man.
As if my magic, the splatters of gore flew through the air like flies and began to rejoin, reforming the man’s arm with every scar and imperfection matched and even recreating the sleeves of his clothes.
“You son of a bitch!” one of the man’s friends howled, lunging towards Jack and stabbing forward with a knife aimed for his face. An inch from the space between his eyes, the knife was stopped by a glassy membrane, glowing faintly in the air without consisting of any mass or matter.
“Unfortunately, I cannot let any of you leave, now that you have seen what I am capable of. Don’t worry, I won’t kill you.”
Without the slightest twitch or movement on Jack’s part, the man was lifted into the air, shouting in terror and helplessness as the power of gravity was basically turned on its head. Screaming for his friends to help him, the man suddenly exploded in a mass of blood and gore, spraying the surrounding surfaces with liquefied tissue. Jack then turned to the man whose arm he had destroyed and recreated, and without any warning, the terrified punk was atomized like his friend.
“Jack, what are you doing?!” Victoria screamed in terror, unable to believe what she was seeing. This had to be a dream! This couldn’t be real!
“Don’t worry, they don’t feel any pain.”
While two of the punks ran for their lives, the third drew his pistol and began firing at Jack and Victoria, emptying his clip but achieving nothing. Instead of killing the two teenagers, all nine bullets stopped in midair and were then dematerialized and turned into pure energy. Before he could even think to reload, the man erupted into a bloody geyser, spraying a fountain of cells up and splashing the ceiling. Turning his head, Jack looked over to the fleeing attackers, and with only his mind, he gave them the same fate, making them both explode into a biological mist.
“Oh my god, you killed them,” Victoria gasped, covering her mouth and struggling to breathe.
“Don’t worry, I didn’t,” Jack said, a split second before all of the bodies instantly reformed from the splashes of gore.
Atom by atom, each and every cell and fiber was recreated and joined together, becoming the bodies of the five street thugs. All five were passed out on the floor, alive but unconscious.
“They won’t remember what transpired here, it’s fine.”
“How… how did you do that?” Victoria panted, feeling like she was about to faint.
“It’s simple, I deconstructed their bodies at the atomic level and reconstructed them, using it as an opportunity to rewire their minds and erase their short-term memories. Except for their knowledge of what just happened, they are exactly as they once were, right down to the exact details. Like I said, I didn’t kill them, even if that is how you interpreted it. All I did was dismantle them and recreate them with all the same parts and energy.”
“Who… who or what are you?!” Victoria asked fearfully, stepping back and falling to the floor. Jack stood over her, his shadow cast upon her trembling body. Regardless of her fear, he did not lose his calm, peaceful smile.
“Unfortunately, I cannot answer that question now. However, I will answer all of your questions on the 21st. Please, do not be afraid of me. I love you and I mean you no harm.”
“How can I trust you?! How can I believe anything you’ve told me after showing me all this?!”
“Kelly and Tyler trust me, and they both know that I am not normal. I have also arranged to give them their answers on the 21st, and as you can imagine, they are very curious. To be blunt, those dreams that you’ve been having are completely real. Everything you’ve said in your dreams, I’ve heard, and everything you think your subconscious has been saying in the form of me has really been me. I’ve been communicating with Kelly and Tyler in the same way, helping all three of you.”
He took a step forward, and full of fear, Victoria scrambled back.
“Stay away from me!” she screamed.
Ignoring her terror, Jack crouched down and stretched out his hand to her. Victoria tried to shield herself, but with indescribable gentleness and care, he brushed his fingertips against the side of her face and cupped her cheek. At his touch, Victoria immediately became calm, yet alert, like a fire suddenly being reduced to a bed of glowing embers.
“Victoria, you can believe me because I love you and you love me. I don’t want to hurt you; I want you to be safe and happy. You have nothing to fear from me, I promise you that.”
“Just tell me one thing.”
“What?”
“Tell me: are you human?”
Instead of answering, Jack just smiled and gave a small laugh.
Chapter 7
Victoria looked out the window of the hotel room she was sharing with Jack. She could barely keep her mind on one thought or worry, it was like trying to grab snakes while pumped full of Novocain. Playing in her mind over and over like a Youtube video set to repeat, the scene from the garage haunted her like the guilt of a crime. Her emotions were a sea of confusion, struggling to define her feelings for Jack. After seeing what he was capable of, she felt fear; after realizing the secret he had kept from her, she felt distrust and resentment; and after hearing his words and seeing him smile… she felt love.
As Jack came up behind her, putting his hands on her shoulders and kissing her neck, she stirred and pulled away, almost with disgust. Biting his lip, he wrapped his arms around her waist, and while she gave a half-hearted struggle for a few seconds, she soon became docile.
“Victoria, what do I have to do to make your forgive me?”
“You don’t get it, you just don’t get it. It’s not a matter of whether or not I can forgive you, it’s a matter of what this means for our relationship. I have no idea who or what you are and you won’t answer any of my questions.”
“No, this is about forgiveness. You’re angry with me for keeping this secret from you. You’re angry with me for complicating things. You’re angry with me because I can’t give you any answers right now. But what angers you the most is that things had to change when they were so perfect just an hour ago. Speak your mind Victoria.”
“How can I trust you? How can I believe you when you say you love me or start preaching your psycho bullshit?! How do I know that you’re not just stringing me along, thinking of me in the same way that a human thinks of an animal or an insect? How can I ever trust you when I can never be your equal?”
“Victoria, I am human. I have a human brain and a human body, and the way I feel and think is possible for any other human. Except for my powers, any other human can become like me, it all depends on how they choose to see the universe and how they choose to shape their perceptions. The love I feel for you is just like the love anyone else would feel in my position. I love you and I care about you.”
“But why have you hidden the truth from me?”
“Because of this, right here and now. Can you imagine what your reaction would have been before we started our relationship? We’ve been together for so short a time, can you really say that you would have handled this better in the past?”
“If you can bring back the dead, why didn’t you bring back your mom?”
His hold loosened. “I do not see life and death in the same way you do, everything I have said about existing forever has been honest and true. The only reason why I revived those thugs is to make up for the violence I committed against them in the first place. What happened to my mother was an accident, but what I did to them was on purpose. Admittedly, I let my temper get the best of me, and recreating them was my penitence for it.”
Taking a step forward, Victoria turned around and placed her hands on Jack’s chest. “Do you really love me?”
“With all of my heart.”
“Then I trust you.”
Leaning forward, she buried her face in the side of his neck and held onto him for dear life. Jack wrapped his arms tightly around her, his fingers tented against the back of her head and the sweet fragrance of her hair dominating his senses. Both humming like newborn pups, they tightened their grasp on each other, holding themselves so close together that they could feel each other’s hearts beating. As if surrendering, Victoria released her hold and raised her head, glanced up with a small content smile and blushing face. Looking like a cat getting rubbed in just the right spot behind the ear, she completely let go and almost became limp, fully giving in to the feeling of being embraced.
Slowly, Jack let go and the two teenagers stared into each other’s eyes, waiting only a few moments before they started kissing. Panting heavily from their growing arousal, they moved over to the bed without ending heir kiss, undressing each other before lying down. Without using his hands, Jack entered Victoria with one great push, drawing a gasp of joy from the young beauty. Their naked bodies pressed together and interlocked, the two lovers began panting and trembling in bliss with Jack taking point, thrusting into Victoria with machine-like strength.
Victoria’s body was indescribable in its physical beauty and feeling. Her firm rolling breasts jiggling against his chest, her soft flat belly lapping against his like waves on the beach, her long smooth legs wrapping around his waist and holding him tightly, her beautiful scarlet hair smelling like roses and fruit, and her red lips, as soft and delicate as wisps of ice cream. He loved every single centimeter of her body, and she could feel his love. She could feel his feelings being injected into her with each penetration, as well as with each breath they shared while they kissed.
Jack began to pick up speed, driving into her like a woodpecker and causing the mattress to rock back and forth and bounce on its frame. Feeling her barriers crashing down with each thrust, Victoria stopped kissing him and lied back, relishing the feeling of her approaching orgasm. Knowing the signs, Jack changed his movements, stirring his cock inside her with each thrust instead of relying on deep penetration. At last, Victoria cried out in ecstasy and Jack could feel her pussy shaking with wet arousal.
“Oh Jack!” she moaned over and over again.
Not done, Jack rolled off and got behind her with the two of them on their sides. Lifting up her leg, he re-entered her and resumed fucking her, giving her a wide excited smile from the switch to the new position. Grinning and licking her lips, Victoria looked back and resumed hissing him, while placing one hand on his cheek and using the other hand to rub her clit. With the threshold reached, Victoria was quick to have another mind-numbing orgasm.
“Victoria, I’m going to cum,” he grunted in her ear.
“Well you’ve certainly deserved it. Give to me, darling, pour all of your semen into me.”
Happy to obey, Jack put all of his remaining strength into twenty more brutally-fast thrusts, forcing his cock into her with so much speed that his balls were basically being slingshot back and forth almost painfully. In tandem with the twentieth thrust, Jack gave a low growl and emptied all of his reserves into her, filling her up to the point where sperm was overflowing and oozing out of her pussy. His erection deflating, Jack pulled out of her and laid his head on the pillow.
“I love you, Jack, and I just want to be with you,” Victoria whispered, pressing herself against him.
“Don’t worry, we’ll be together forever,” he replied, holding her close and slowly drifting to sleep.
——————————————————
“For as long as I can remember, my mom has been an overachiever with high expectations of me. You could say that she is a workaholic, always spending her time at one job or another, coming home late each night because she would rather work 5 to 9 instead of 9 to 5. It’s not like we needed the money, we would have been fine if she had worked better hours. When I asked her why she was never home and why she was so obsessed with work, she said that adults have to work, that’s just the way it is. Knowing what you have to do and doing it is all a part of growing up. She drilled that into my mind over and over again: know what you have to do and then do it, it’s time for you to grow up. I used to think she just hated my dad and I, but now I’m old enough to know that she’s just crazy. Oh well, with me being a whore and my mom always gone, it’s no big surprise that I started screwing my dad every night,” Kelly said with a bitter laugh, sitting on the invisible ground with her back to Jack.
“How Freudian, very interesting,” Jack said, walking towards her from across the dreamscape.
“What do you mean?”
He sat down behind her, back to back. “Freud believed that early childhood experiences dominated the shaping process of the human mind, and that most inner conflicts stemmed from the instinctive desire to have sex gone wrong. Many of these issues deal with the parents of the opposite gender. To be frank, you’re Freud’s wet dream. He got a lot wrong, but not everything.”
“So how does that help me?” Kelly asked, leaning her head back against his shoulder.
“Well we have two aspects as to the development of your identity crisis. On one hand, you have an uncaring mom who would rather stay at the office long into night than take her role as a wife and mother, leaving that role open, and you have her forcing a concept into your mind that terrified you and gave you a deep-seated fear of growing older. The family is the greatest basis for the development of our personalities: we mirror ourselves after our same-gender parent or rebel to create our own personality, in this case, your mother. We then use our opposite-gender parent as a model in which we develop our expectations for everyone of the opposite gender.
Quite simply, your father is the first man you have ever known and you used him as a model to set your expectations for finding a mate. With this, it’s clear that since you didn’t really have a mother in which to mirror or rebel against, you instead saw the role that she left wide open. Because you had no identity of your own, you sought to take your absent mother’s, at least in terms of responsibility. This can often take place in single-parent families, but it is because of your complete lack of an identity that you took it so far. This is why you never really felt shame when being intimate with your father; it was because you had not established your role as the daughter.
Then, there is the second aspect. From what I understand, you loathe your mother and you rarely ever saw her. From this, I can assume that you naturally rebelled against becoming like her, using only what you were able to gleam from her. She said that she drilled into your mind the concept that growing up involves total self-knowledge and the stoic sense of what has to be done. You hated your mother, so you hated what she believed in. You didn’t want to prove her right and become what she wanted, so you turned your back on knowing yourself. You tried to fight against the aging process, you wanted to stay young, immature, and carefree to rebel against her, and to do that, you had to stay ignorant of who you are and “what you needed to do”. Basically, your feelings for your mother triggered and energized humans’ natural fear of death and aging.
The fact that you were so desperate to stay young also helps explain why you chose the role of a prostitute. By becoming a sex object, you made yourself feel wanted and attractive, which is the main desire and fear that people normally develop, as they grow older.”
“So what should I do?” Kelly asked, feeling the last and greatest weight basically melting off her shoulders.
“Nothing. You now know the source of your problems, and with that, you will naturally and subconsciously work to fix it. You have discovered your identity, so you’ve solidified your core and know where you stand. All that’s left is to overcome your anger and resentment for your mother and come to terms with your fear of death and aging, which you will achieve when I teach you to unlock the Self. For now, you are done.” H
Getting up on her knees, Kelly turned around and leaned on Jack, wrapping her arms around him. “Jack, you’ve helped me more than anyone else in my life. No one has ever been so kind to me and done so much for me.”
“You don’t have to thank me, we’re friends after all,” he said with a smile while reaching back stroking her hair.
“Jack, I think I love you.”
Jack’s hand stopped, and he moved it down from her hair and placed it on her hand. “Kelly, you know I am with Victoria. I love her and I promised her that I would be with no one else.”
“But you love me too, I know you do! You wouldn’t have done all this for me if you didn’t!” she said desperately with a tight hold.
“You’re right, I do care about you, but not in the same way I care about Victoria. Please Kelly, don’t make this difficult.”
“You told me that you love to help people, to fulfill their potential. If I could be with someone I love and who loves me, just for one night, I think I may finally understand who I truly am. Be my mirror, show me my reflection.”
Jack sighed. “Speak to Victoria, I won’t do anything unless she wants me to.”
——————————————————
The four teenagers were sitting on the floor in Jack’s room, taking advantage of the time after school. “In order to discover the Self, you must see through the Superego. You must see through the display you use to project who you are, the part of your personality that is shaped by events and experiences. Think of your mind as like a planet, with your Self as the pure molten core, free of all characteristics or distinguishable features. Your Superego is the surface, shaped and morphed by the tectonic collisions of your life and decorated by life. All three of you have gone through this process: Victoria, you removed the barriers you had created around yourself out of fear of assimilation and have learned to trust others; Kelly, you discovered your identity and came to terms with your innate fear of growing up; Tyler, you faced the death of your sister, learned that pain is in the mind, and that there is no possible course of action, except for the one taken, all resulting in the loss of the guilt that has plagued you for years.
Now, you all know that I am different, and I have promised you all of your answers on my birthday. That said, it would be better for you to complete this before then, which means that we have four days. Today I will begin going over with you the main concepts of the self and give an overview of the Tree of Life, something I have instructed Kelly to research. After that, we will closely examine the concepts, and hopefully, you will all be ready to accept my answers. Are you all ready?”
Everyone nodded.
“Good, I’ll start off summarizing what I have told you all already. The Self is the core of your personality, the untainted source of all your honest likes and dislikes. When I say honest, I mean that the social factor has no effect on it. If you give into peer pressure, you could say that your Superego is the need to impress others, but the Self is your conscience, telling you not to give in, or in reverse, your Superego is the need to maintain your strong moral appearance, while the Self is the instinct to go after all forms of pleasure. The interesting thing is that with this example, your conscience is acting, but not specifically your morals. Basically, the Self does not recognize rules or laws unless you adhere to them by nature.
The Self has a very instinctual and biological origin, as it controls how we perceive our world and essentially regulates the flow of chemicals and neural pulses in the brain. It is like a combination of your physical desires and your pure emotions, basically the Id and Ego to your Superego, as Freud would say. However, the Self is also the source of higher-level thinking. I don’t mean that unlocking the Self makes you a super-genius, but it is instead the medium we use to conceive our place in the universe. The Superego looks only at the tiny world we live in, but the Self takes in our acknowledgement of the entirety of creation and gives birth to true philosophy.
As I said before, the Self controls our perceptions, labeling everything as good or bad, basically working on autopilot. However, if you can achieve the Self and see the truth that it provides for you, then you can see something from every possible angle, both positive and negative, and truly choose to be happy. People often ask me why I am so happy. Quite simply, I am happy because I am able to see the light in everything. They say that every problem is an opportunity in disguise, well that’s basically how I see the world. I only lower my smile out of respect for people grieving or when it is socially needed.”
“So how exactly do you discover the Self?” Kelly asked.
“You must overcome every assumption and unwritten rule that society has given you, you must realize your true value in the universe, and you must learn to go beyond black and white perceptions and see the gray in between. Many of the lessons on the Self, you have each already learned, albeit separately. I’ll go over all of them again so that you each get the same lesson, but not now. Now, we focus on the Tree of Life, also known as the Kabbalah and the Sephirot Tree. I figure since you know what I am capable of, there is no point in hiding it.”
On the wall behind Jack, three diagrams of light appeared, each the size of a table. All three of his students gasped in amazement, even Victoria, who had seen him block a knife, dematerialize bullets, and rip humans apart atom by atom and then resurrect them. The first diagram was of the simple Tree of Life, no more than a web with eleven bubbles, a name in each one. The second one was more complex, with explanations and directions around and between each bubble, as well as multiple symbols. However, due to the language of its origin, it was completely unreadable. The third looked downright strange, resembling an upside-down palm tree with branches extending from the trunk and a label imprinted on each of the ten leaves. Each branch had its own Sephirot bubble, as well as the heart of the roots and the knot of the tree.
“The tree has multiple interpretations, not only in translation but in appearance. One of my favorites is the work of Robert Fludd, the one who created the third diagram. The Tree of Life is one of the foundations of all religion, serving as the pathway to God. Now before you start worrying, I want to assure that I’m not trying to indoctrinate you into a cult,” he said with a laugh, which was joined by the others. “I use the Tree of Life as a reference because I find it to be truly a fascinating concept and a perfect example for my methods. I am in no way religious. You all know my motto; half of reality is how you perceive it. When I say it, I mean that it is only through consciousness that things can be labeled and categorized. You can’t deny that a star is a colossal mass of nuclear fire, but you need a mind to actually label it as ‘hot’. This ability, born to everything that thinks, could almost considered a divine power. Quite simply, the gods that humans try so hard to find are actually the humans themselves.
That’s why the Tree of Life is such a good example for my teachings; you can replace God with the Self for the achievement that it leads you to. Since God and man are one in the same, the Tree of Life leads back to the same goal. Now, we move onto the definition. Each Sephirot on the tree corresponds to a virtue, a state of mind that must be attained to form a path. The tree has many different translations, but the overall idea is the same. Try to remember these, at least the definitions.
Keter, the first Sephirot, is our direct connection to our higher self. It links us to the higher dimensions through which only the mind may enter, since the mind creates them. It also consists of things that the human mind cannot comprehend. It represents the primal stirrings of intent in the Ein Soph—the Ein Soph being both the origin of everything and the divine nothing—or the arousal of desire to come forth into the varied life of being. But in this sense, although it contains all the potential for content, it contains no content itself, and is therefore called ‘Nothing’.
Chokhmah, the second of the ten Sephirot, is the first power of conscious intellect within Creation, and the first point of ‘real’ existence, since Keter represents emptiness. It is the power of intuitive insight, as well as wisdom. The “wisdom” of Chokhmah also implies the ability to look deeply at some aspect of reality and abstract its conceptual essence till one succeeds in uncovering its underlying axiomatic truth. These seeds of truth can then be conveyed to the companion power of Binah for the sake of intellectual analysis and development. Consider this our ability to comprehend and define.
Binah is ‘understanding’ or ‘contemplation’. It is likened to a ‘palace of mirrors’ that reflects the pure point of light of Chokmah, increasing and multiplying it in an infinite variety of ways. In this sense, it is the ‘quarry’, which is carved out by the light of wisdom. On a psychological level, Binah is “processed wisdom,” also known as deductive reasoning. It is davar mitoch davar -understanding one idea from another idea. While Chockmah is intellect that does not emanate from the rational process (it is either inspired or taught), Binah is the rational process that is innate in the person, which works to develop an idea fully.
Da’at is considered the point of creation, when the active principle of Chokhmah (wisdom), meets with the passive principle of Binah, ‘understanding’, and creates the archetypal idea of knowledge. These three are sometimes referred to as the “super-conscious”. You could say that Da’at is an unofficial Sephirot, serving as the keystone between all of them. Consider it your anchor, the balance in which you retain your humanity so that the knowledge of the Tree of Life doesn’t fuel your ego and give you delusional ideas of grandeur.
Chesed is loving-kindness, a simple virtue that can never be underestimated in its value. Like Da’at, it is an anchor to remind you that you are human, as one who is cruel seeks to separate himself from others, while someone who is kind opens their heart and places trust.
Gevurah is understood as God’s mode of punishing the wicked and judging humanity in general. But like I’ve said before, man and God are one in the same, therefor, it is the ability of humans to judge other humans. It is the foundation of stringency, absolute adherence to the letter of the law, and strict meting out of justice, essentially making it the key to mankind’s ability to create civilization. This stands in contrast to Chesed. Gevurah is associated in the soul with the power to restrain one’s innate urge to bestow goodness upon others, when the recipient of that good is judged to be unworthy and liable to misuse it. I used Gevurah when Victoria and I were attacked, knowing there was no time to talk. As the force that measures and assesses the worthiness of Creation, Gevurah is also referred to in the Kabbalah as midat hadin (the attribute of judgment). It is the restraining might of Gevurah which allows one to overcome his enemies, be they from without or from within (his evil inclination).
Tiferet is the force that integrates the Sephirot of Chesed (“compassion”) and Gevurah (Strength or Judgement). These two forces are, respectively, expansive (giving) and restrictive (receiving). Either of them without the other could not manifest the flow of enlightened energy; they must be balanced in perfect proportion by balancing compassion with discipline. This balance can be seen in the role of Tiferet, wherein the conflicting forces are harmonized, and creation flowers forth. This is what will grant you the knowledge to know when to talk down a terrorist who has shot you in the chest and is trying to crash a plane and when to do what you can to ensure your safety or the safety of someone else. Tiferet also balances Netzach and Hod in a similar manner. In that case, Hod can be seen as the intellect where Netzach is seen as emotion.
Understanding the attributes of Netzach and Hod gives us a new perspective into understanding what is happening in the world. No longer do we merely look at an act at face value and attempt to understand it as such, but we must look at it also in terms of “a means to an end.” These Sephirot mark a turning point. Whereas the first two groups of Sephirot deal with intrinsic will and what it is that we desires to bestow upon other people, these Sephirot are focused on man: What is the most appropriate way for man to receive God’s message? How can God’s will be implemented most effectively? In essence, it is the innate desire to find the Self, balancing intellect and emotion to uncover your core.
All the Sephirot are likened to different parts of the body, and Netzach and Hod are likened to the two feet of a person. Feet are usually only the means for a person’s activity. While the hands are the main instrument of action, the feet bring a person to the place where he wishes to execute that action. However, Hod is seen as form of “submission”; being explained that instead of “conquering” an obstacle in one’s way, (which is the idea of Netzach), subduing oneself to that “obstacle” is related to the quality of Hod. Tyler, what you and I discussed about how time dictates all actions fit into this category. It is the humble acceptance of one’s role and value in the universe.
The Sephirot of Yesod translates spiritual concepts into actions that unite us with God, or as I’ve said, the Self. It plays the role of collecting and balancing the different and opposing energies of Hod and Netzach, and also from Tiferet above it, storing and distributing it throughout the world. It is likened to the engine-room of creation. Think of it as the hub between the Self and the Superego, creating the compromises between our true desires and society’s needs that we experience every day. When the Self tells you that you are hungry but your Superego reminds you that you are on a diet, the principal of Yesod comes into play in the form of you deciding to eat something healthy.
Malkuth is the final Sephirot, and unlike the other nine, it is an attribute of mankind, which does not emanate from mankind directly. Rather it emanates from mankind’s creation—when that creation reflects and evinces mankind’s glory from within itself. Think of it as the final anchor, the link between the world outside your body and the world inside your mind. It is associated with the realm of matter and relates to the physical world. It is important not to think of this Sephirot as merely “unspiritual”, for even though it is the emanation furthest from the divine source, it is still on the Tree of Life. As the receiving sphere of all the other Sephirot above it, Malkuth gives tangible form to the other emanations. It is like the negative node of an electrical circuit. The divine energy comes down and finds its expression in this plane, and our purpose as human beings is to bring that energy back around the circuit again and up the Tree.
Now, that is it for today. Go home, mull over what I have told you, and see what progress you can make on your own. I’ll leave you all alone tonight.”
Everyone nearly rolled back onto the floor like water if its container suddenly disappeared. They had been sitting still for so long and paying so much attention to Jack that they had lost all feeling in their muscles. They all stood up and stretched, moaning in joy at the feeling of finally being able to ease the tension in their bodies.
“All right, ladies, I’ll drive you home,” Tyler said with a yawn.
“Actually I live just down the road, so I’ll stay with Jack a little longer and then walk home. But thank you though,” Victoria said gratefully.
“Kelly?” Tyler asked.
“Yeah, that would be great. But, uh, Victoria? Could I talk to you for a minute?”
Victoria raised an eyebrow in suspicion. “Sure,” she said, following Kelly out of the room and deep into the hall.
“So, what do you think they’re talking about?” Tyler asked.
“I don’t have the heart to listen in,” Jack said, standing up and stretching.
“You’ve certainly recovered from your wound quickly.”
“Well now that you three know, I don’t have to pretend anymore. Really, I just walk with the cane for everyone else’s sake.”
“So when I discover my Self, will I get powers like yours?”
Jack laughed. “No, my abilities and the Self are completely unrelated. Don’t worry my friend, you’ll get your answers soon enough.”
——————————————————
“So what’s up?” Victoria asked, standing in the bathroom with Kelly.
“You told me about what happened with those guys in Washington, but there is something I need to tell you. You know that I used to be a whore and a drug addict… well I’m not anymore. I mean that literally; I’m a virgin and I’ve never had any drugs in my system.”
Victoria looked at her quizzically. “What do you mean?”
“Jack cured me of all my problems. He cured me of all my STDs, my withdrawal symptoms, he removed my scars, and he even gave me my virginity. Basically, I haven’t been this pure since I was nine years old. I told you that so I could tell you this. I don’t know how to say it, so I’m just going to be blunt. I’m in love with Jack, and with your permission, I’d like to have a three-way.”
Victoria took a slow deep breath, trying to keep her emotions in check and not feel overly protective. “Go home, Kelly,” she sighed, walking out of the bathroom.
“Nice chat,” Kelly said with a click of her tongue.
——————————————————
“So, did you get what you were looking for?” Kelly asked, sitting in the passenger seat of Tyler’s pickup truck as they drove towards her house.
“I guess. I got a lot of information but no real answers. Though I guess I can understand, I mean he did basically give us the tools to achieve our goals, now he’s going to let us experiment with them before telling us what they’re for. I just wonder if we’ll really accomplish something before the 21st.” T
“I’ve been wondering about that. You know what the 21st is, right?” Kelly asked.
“Of course, 12/21/2012, the Mayan doomsday that everyone has been talking about. What, you think it’s real?” Tyler laughed.
“Well maybe not the Mayan thing exactly, but haven’t you noticed that he wants to get everything done before then, like he’s not expecting anything after? What if he knows something that we don’t.”
“Girl, from the moment we met, I’ve known that he knows something that I don’t know.”
——————————————————
Jack and Victoria lay on his fold-out mattress, painting heavily with their bodies glistening with sweat and their clothes scattered across the room.
“Kelly asked for a three-way,” Victoria said out of the blue.
“Really? I didn’t think she would go that far.”
“So you knew?”
“Of course I knew. I’m the one who sent her to ask you. She said she wanted to sleep with me, I turned her down because I’m with you, she insisted, and I told her that she would have to talk to you if I were to break my promise. I must say, the suggestion was a good idea on her part. Make you feel more comfortable by letting you watch and intervene however you like, let you remain a part of it. It seems she really trusts you, after all, you’re one of her first real friends.”
“You’re such a gentleman.”
“So what was your answer?”
“I said no. I’m not into women and I hate the idea of sharing you,” she replied, sitting up with a blanket wrapped around her.
“With how hungrily you lick your fingers clean after each session of playing with yourself, some would say otherwise. Besides, maybe this would help you finally eliminate your trust issues.”
Victoria shot him a dirty look. “I’m going home.”
——————————————————
Kelly was lying in bed, staring up at her ceiling with her mind abuzz with questions, all of which about Jack, the 21st, or his teachings. What was going to happen on Friday? Would Victoria change her mind if she pressed the matter? How was she supposed to make sense of what Jack had told her. She had studied the Tree of Life over and over, but she just couldn’t figure out how it worked.
‘Calm down, you aren’t helping yourself by getting all worked up. Jack told you to try and make some progress on your own, so do it and quit complaining. We have to do whatever he says; he’s our teacher. Holy shit, we may be a cult after all.’ That last thought made her laugh.
Her nerves steady, she took a deep breath, closed her eyes, and interlaced her fingers with her whole body becoming calm. Lying on her back, not moving, she slowly felt sleepiness crawling up her body like frost. But it was mental tiredness she wanted, not physical tiredness. More and more, she calmed her mind, focusing only on her breathing until she felt herself beginning to fall back towards the world of dreams.
‘Ok, Jack isn’t coming tonight, so I can’t rely on a dream to help me. So… visualize it,’ Kelly thought, imagining the Tree of Life.
No matter how many times she looked at it, it always seemed familiar, like it was tickling some long-lost memory.
‘Focus on the first one, Keter, focus. He said… he said that it dealt with higher planes, those that only the mind could reach and the ones that surpassed all human understanding. He said it was nothingness, the bleakness from which creation originated. Ok, not sure what to do with that. Oh well, I guess I’ll just have to try…’
Like sweat from pores, liquid darkness began to ooze forth from every surface in her room like ink. She was sinking into her mind, bypassing all stages of sleep and landing right in the REM stage. As she sank further and further into the dream, her mind was losing its grip on reality. Within minutes, she began to sink into her bed as well, losing her sense of what it felt like and her knowledge that it was really there. Finally, her sheets opened up beneath her and she fell into space, surrounded by stars and galaxies.
“Planes that only my mind can reach and planes that I cannot comprehend… The bleakness from which creation originated…” she murmured as her bra and panties slowly slipped off her body and transformed into gas.
“The limits of what I can understand, the edge of my mind… The edge of the universe…”
Taking a deep breath, Kelly felt no fear or shock as cells began to bud off her. At first they were no more than the usual dead skin cells, but in seconds, entire layers of skin were flaking off, revealing the muscles and veins beneath. As if being eaten by acid, all the veins began to corrode, their cells being jettisoned off like the escape pods of a space ship. In a silent splatter, her veins all popped, emptying her blood into space. With the biological cloud expanding, her muscles became the next material to fall apart, followed by her organs, and at last, her skeleton.
Shooting off like photons, her cells spread out in all directions, flying off through space. Each cell, intact and immune to damage, contained all of her senses and was linked to the rest in one great hive mind. Kelly could feel them all, as if they were billions of tiny hands with eyes in the palms, letting her see and touch everything. And yet, there was no brain or top cell for the information to be received. It felt like she experienced everything through each cell all at once.
Her cells continued to spread out, some picking up speed and others slowing down. Time passed, Kelly didn’t know how long, it barely felt like an hour to her. But regardless of time or the elements, her cells survived the wraths of space, being sucked into black holes, landing on planets and asteroids, getting caught in space storms and gas giants, or just flying off into the darkest corners of the cosmos, never to see or be seen again. Over the course of what felt like barely a couple of hours but were really several billion years, Kelly’s cells were stretched across the entire universe like a 3D minefield, her existence spread out across the entirety of the universe.
But… it was too great. She could see from each and every one of her cells, but it was like she couldn’t communicate with them. Whenever she focused her attention on one, she would completely forget about what she saw with the others. She would look through one, find she couldn’t contact the one closest to it, and completely forget about everything she had seen in the first. It was like each and every time she applied the tiniest amount of focus or attention, her memory completely slipped, like a goldfish swimming in circles because the bowl seemed completely new to it with each lap.
But there was more, she new there was more to see. She had to go beyond the horizon, go beyond the edge of the universe. She willed herself to go further, expand her parameters to new sizes. Her cells continued to fly out in all directions, approaching the very rim of the universe. But the farther they flew, the foggier their vision came. Each one was essentially failing like a broken security camera, but she couldn’t stop, she had to see more! She was so close, she had just about reached the edge of the universe. Finally, she broke through into the realm of Nonexistence,
Suddenly, her universe began to condense, closing in on itself, being devoured by true Nonexistence. Kelly’s cells were all being pushed back into the universe, watching as the colorless Nonexistence washed over the universe like a tsunami. It was all shrinking, the universe collapsing to half its size, then a quarter, the size of a galaxy, a nebula, a black hole, a star, a planet, a house. Pushed back to the point from which she originated, Kelly was forcefully reformed by the pressure of Nonexistence, before it finally devoured her.
SNAP!
Kelly bolted up with such intensity that she basically jumped out of bed and landed on the floor, gasping like someone had just tried to drown her. Never in her life, even with Jack, had any dream been that vivid or realistic. Had she inadvertently scratched the surface of the Self? Is this what it was capable of?!
——————————————————
Tyler knew this was a dream, but he still felt like he was going to spontaneously combust from the rage boiling in his veins. He was in the parking lot of the local movie theater, behind the building and in a dark corner. It was late at night, and in front of him, not two feet away were his thirteen year-old self, his naked sister, and the two men raping her while the third guy kept Tyler pinned down. Both Tyler and Elsa had been bound and gagged with duct tape so that they couldn’t fight back or call for help, but that didn’t keep them from getting beaten and roughed up.
Tyler had suffered this dream over a thousand times, but he could never get over it. Only through repeating what Jack had taught him did he maintain his cool and keep from falling apart. But this time, what was hurting him the most was the fact that he was still having the dream. He thought he had come to terms with his sister’s death, he thought the dreams would stop after Jack’s mom’s funeral, and yet he still had to endure this nightmare. He knew what was going to happen, it had been burned in his mind, yet he couldn’t look away. He watched as one of the men taking turns with his sister pulled her up onto her hands and knees, smacked her ass, and the inserted herself into her anus. She cried until tears were streaming down her face from the sodomy, having never experienced it before and received no warning. While she was anally raped, the other two men switched places, giving Tyler a new captor while the one who had been standing on top of him moved in front of his sister, pulled out his dick, and started jacking off. It didn’t take long, he showed no hesitation in ejaculating right on her face at pointblank range.
After several minutes, the man raping her pulled out with a long string of semen leading from Elsa’s bleeding asshole to the head of his cock. “All right, I’m done, let’s get out of here.” He then pulled out a knife and proceeded to stab both Elsa and Tyler in the chest.
Tyler winced and put his hand on his side, feeling like the blade had just entered him for real all over again. With the young Tyler and his sister Elsa lying on the cold pavement, their blood pooling beneath them and blending together, the thugs grabbed the money they had stolen and began to run off. However, after only taking a few steps, they stopped dead in their tracks, time having completely stopped. This always happened, this was the point where his memories stopped. Whether he blacked out or just repressed it, he had no idea.
He turned back to his past self and Else and felt his jaw drop. The two of them, together in that one small space in the parking lot, was the only area in which time was still moving. Elsa, scrapping her naked body on the cold hard pavement and gushing blood, wiggled over to her younger brother. The young Tyler, on the verge of passing out, began to feel his eyes drooping. The present Tyler looked around, seeing the dream being consumed by darkness and reaching the end of his memory. No, he had to see the rest! Tyler crouched down, watching Elsa scrape her face against the ground until her lips and nose were bleeding profusely, but succeeded in pulling the duct tape off her mouth.
At that moment, everything became dark, the young Tyler having closed his eyes and ended the visual component.
“No! NOOOO!” Tyler screamed.
“Tyler…” he heard. It was his sister’s voice, Elsa’s! His eyes had closed but he hadn’t lost consciousness yet. There was more to the memory!
“Elsa!” he cried out with tears running down his face.
“I’m sorry, Tyler, I’m sorry for everything. I’m sorry your special night got ruined. I know you’re hurt, but I also know that you’ll survive. So please, promise me, promise me that you’ll live your life happily and carefree. Don’t let this screw up your future and make you bitter. I’m not angry and I don’t want you to be. I know it’s your birthday, but please, do this for me as an early gift for mine. No matter how much you’re hurt, please, just be happy. No matter how bad things may get, always be happy. I love you Ty, and happy birthday.”
Falling to his knees, Tyler sobbed like never before, not even noticing as the scene returned to its original frozen moment. Looking back at the three criminals, he finally understood. This was the last time he would ever have this dream, it hadn’t come back to haunt him from the past, but to make sure he understood everything before moving onwards into the future. He had finally heard his sister’s dying message, the last chapter in the story, telling him how to live his life. He finally knew what he had to do.
“Chesed, Sephirot of loving kindness,” he said to himself.
‘So please, promise me, promise me that you’ll live your life happily and carefree. Don’t let this screw up your future and make you bitter. I’m not angry and I don’t want you to be. I know it’s your birthday, but please, do this for me as an early gift for mine. No matter how much you’re hurt, please, just be happy. No matter how bad things may get, always be happy.’ He thought to himself. He then turned to the three frozen figures, caught in mid-sprint. He knew what he had to do from now on, and he had to start with them.
“I forgive you,” he said softly.
——————————————————
Victoria was walking down the street of Portland, breathing into her hands to keep her fingers warm. The sidewalk was unusually packed and the sounds of traffic were practically overpowering on this day. It was freezing outside with a bitter sea breeze rushing between the buildings. About to press the button on a street lamp at an intersection, Victoria and everyone else in the city was nearly blinded by a bright light in the sky. Looking up while trying to shield her eyes, Victoria gazed in amazement at the object falling down from the heavens. It looked like the Tree of Life, but almost in the form of a neon sign that was several miles in diameter. Among them, the Malkuth and Yesod Sephirots were on fire.
Piercing layer after layer of the earth’s atmosphere, the tree rapidly heated the air around it and in Portland, so much so that buildings and people began to catch fire. Crashing into the sea, the Tree of Life created another blinding flash, similar to a nuclear explosion, and summoned a mushroom cloud of water that reached all the way up into space. Simultaneously, a molecule-shattering shockwave and deluge of fire washed over Portland. With nothing to shield herself with but her own arms, Victoria had no way to prevent her own body from being reduced to ashes.
Moving at speeds that made sound look like a mentally challenged slug, the incinerating pulse spread out in all directions, obscuring the northern Atlantic, eastern Canada, and New England. It continued to expand, quickly consuming the hemisphere, and then the whole planet. Anything standing was instantly shattered like a sugar cube and anything flammable was completely incinerated in less than a second. With fire raining down from the sky and the lakes boiling, earth looked more like hell, completely devoid of life in only minutes.
Victoria’s eyes bolted open and she looked around wildly, finding that she was floating in space. With her was the entirety of earth’s population, not just humans but all life, including animals, plants, insects, and even germs. Everyone was naked, but lucky for Victoria, she was the only conscious one, save for Kelly. The dream-Kelly was floating in front of her, wearing the same smile that Jack always wore.
“What, you turned into Kelly and now you’re visiting me? I thought you were leaving all of us alone tonight,” she said, still angry with Jack.
“Actually, for once, I’m not Jack. I’m your real subconscious, which you thought was your dream-Jack the whole time. Jack did tell you that contact with the Self was the source of all philosophy.”
Victoria looked at the apparition, soon realizing that it really was just a figment of her imagination. It felt nothing at all like the dreams in which Jack had visited her. It lacked a certain power that she hadn’t noticed until now. “Well what was all that just now?”
“That is your mind processing the information of two of the Sephirot and turning them into a similar image. Yesod, the link between the Self and the Superego. Malkuth, the link between the mind and the physical world. I’m here to teach you what you already know, using information that Jack has already told us, mixed with your own philosophical knowledge.
Quite simply, all this is the result of death, allowing all life on Earth to return to what it once was: matter and energy. Though technically, it never really was anything but that.”
“Ok, so what does this have to do with anything?”
“It is meant to show you that regardless of the species, all life is life. We are all made from the same matter and energy, the same atoms forged in the stars and the same power born from the birth of the universe. Regardless of different thoughts, opinions, ideas, beliefs, genders, ethnicities, and even species, we are all exactly the same, all part of the super organism known as Life. Think of how close you are with someone if you are able accept their blood transfusion. Now realize that everyone is made of and can exchange the same biomass, as long as the pieces are small enough.”
The dream-Kelly then floated forward and placed her hand on Victoria’s chest, causing her to shiver and blush.
“What are you doing?” Victoria asked, looking away.
“Showing you how close we really are,” Kelly said before leaning forward.
In the skin in her hand and the skin on Victoria’s chest, the cells began to break down into the pure molecular components. DNA chains were reformed and connected with each other, linking Victoria and the Kelly at the biological level. Victoria trembled and panted as Kelly’s hand completely merged with her chest, entering her torso cavity as a splash of primordial ooze. The flesh on Victoria’s back began to rise up, being shaped into fingers with the DNA inside turning back to the original Kelly’s.
Kelly pressed forward, inserting her whole arm into Victoria’s chest, with her flesh, blood, and bone becoming Victoria’s, before reforming from her back from Victoria’s own flesh, blood, and bone. Kelly continued to lean forward, interlacing her long smooth legs with Victoria’s before they melted together. Victoria panted and shook as she felt her breasts and pussy being touched by Kelly’s. She knew this was a dream, she knew that this wasn’t some trick by Jack or the real Kelly (that being impossible), but she had never touched another women like this. Kelly’s breasts felt so soft and warm against hers, their nipples practically fencing before merging. For only a few seconds, Victoria could feel her own slit against Kelly’s, the two pairs of lips kissing sensually and gently before they too formed.
With a soft smile on her face, Kelly closed the gap between her and Victoria and kissed her, inserting her tongue into Victoria’s mouth and filling it with her own flavor. Victoria struggled to describe the taste of another woman, it was so sweet and wet, like hot tea with extra sugar. Then, Victoria and Kelly fully joined together, their bodies becoming one large human-shaped blob of living flesh, with the DNA of the two women unwinding and reforming to a new level of compromise, joining together like grasping hands. Even their bones were basically turning into neutral biomass, as the core of their shared bodies just became a well of primordial ooze, a concoction of biological information and chemical materials.
The two women joined together completely, neither one of them could breathe, but they didn’t need to. Every cell was basically breaking down into proteins and molecules, simplifying to the point where oxygen was no longer required. And yet, each particle could be felt as if the nervous system was still fully operational. Their heads completely merged, Victoria could feel their brains became one, the DNA shuffling but the matter remaining the same. With neural networks being completely rewired and formed for the brief merging process, it was like Kelly’s mind was pouring into her own. She could feel their personalities joining, see her memories (well to be clear, the memories she was projecting onto the Kelly), and feel her own identity melting.
Finally, like one light beam passing through another, Kelly’s face began to form in the back of Victoria’s head, leaning out as their bodies began to separate one again. Her limbs broke free of Victoria’s, her breasts reforming as their torsos differentiated, and at last, Kelly stepped out of Victoria, the two women separate once again with their DNA back to their original forms. Victoria was practically going into shock, unable to process what had just happened. It felt almost like dying, her mind losing sense of what it was and unable to connect to the rest of the body, and yet, it also felt like rebirth, like her mind was re-entering the real world as it became one with Kelly’s. It was terrifying and yet euphoric. This entity before her was her true subconscious, so in merging with it, she had brushed up against the power of the Self.
“As Jack always said, the only real differences are the ones we create ourselves. At our core, we are all exactly the same, each a cell in the one organism known as life. You could go through that same process with an animal or plant, your biological identity being lost as it merged with that of the other organism. Watch,” Kelly said.
Around her, all of the people and organisms that had died in the first stage of the dream began to fly through space to a single point, as if drawn in by a black hole. Bodies slammed into each other and melted together, becoming a great mass of human flesh. Then, animals began to join in, further melting the biological identity of the mass as they became one with it and the entire system compromised to their DNA. The animals were followed by plant life, with trees, weeds, flowers, and grass crashing against the small moon of biomass and becoming one with it. By the time all the insects and germs had joined with it, the living sphere was the size of earth’s moon, completely anatomically neutral, the sum of all life born into one single organism.
“Should I take the rest of the life in the universe and add them? The aliens from across the galaxy? I’m sure you know now that they would become one with all other life without any other problems.”
“Oh my god,” Victoria gasped.
She could then feel herself being pulled forward, drawn to the living sphere as if by gravity. But after merging with Kelly, she no longer felt any fear. Completely calm, she let her body crash into the surface, being absorbed on contact without any sort of impact. As if sinking in acid, Victoria could feel her body being dismantled as she sank deeper and deeper into the mass, and yet it was completely painless. Instead, she felt like her body was almost growing, picking up the sensory information from the sea of biomass around her. The deeper and deeper she was pulled in, the more of her cells were pulled away. Finally, reaching the core, Victoria’s mind basically melted, being replaced with the collective hive mind of the entire organism.
She didn’t know where she ended and everything else began, she didn’t even know who she was. There was too much information floating around and through her to keep her identity. It felt… so good. It felt like all of her problems and conflicts were disappearing, being dematerialized as she became one with all life of earth. Her identity was gone, now filled only with the pleasure of being a part of everything.
SPLAT!
In one great explosion, the moon ruptured and sprayed biomass in all directions like a colossal pain balloon. Cells were jettisoned in all directions, each one falling apart and crumbling into its atomic components. Gasping for air and feeling like her mind had just gone through a blender, Victoria was tossed aside, back in her original body. She looked around wildly, hovering in space with Kelly still with her.
“What the hell? What happened?” she asked, looking around but seeing only stars and galaxies.
“The sphere is still what it was, only in one of its simplest forms. You’re still in it, but not in the way you think. While you can’t exactly see each one individually, you are floating in a sea of atoms. Each atom around you was in the biomass moon, and around us, undetectable by your human senses, is the energy that flowed through it and all life on earth. In essence, this is what all life is: atoms and energy joined together in a specific way. Even between life and inanimate matter, there is no real difference, save for what shape it’s in. It’s just like what Jack said at his mom’s funeral. If you want, the sphere can be reformed, or you as well can be turned into pure atoms and energy.”
Victoria took a deep breath. “So what now?”
“Now you have to understand. Yesod, the link between the Self and the Superego. Malkuth, the link between the mind and the physical world. You now understand through Malkuth that life and death are one in the same, that our form and shape is the only difference between our living cells and the earth beneath our feet. The mind and the physical world are one in the same. And through Yesod, you know that your Self and your Superego are your identity and how you differentiate yourself from all matter and energy around you. It is the source of your natural definition of what the difference between life and death are, it’s what let’s you feel emotions and draw meaning from the physical world.”
“All right, I understand.” Victoria said, taking another deep breath.
“Do you? Because if you do, then you won’t feel any discomfort from this…” Kelly said as she floated over to Victoria.
Her hand on the back of Victoria’s head, Kelly brought their lips together and kissed her, softly at first but then with more passion. For the first second, Victoria was numb to the feeling of the soft feminine lips against her own, but in a flurry, waves of pleasure shot through her whole body. This apparition of Kelly tasted so sweet, so unique from Jack, so deliciously different. Victoria had never been with a woman before or even thought of one, but now with Kelly… she suddenly didn’t care. Sexuality no longer meant anything, preference had no worth now that she knew the truth about all life. All that mattered right now was pleasure, and feeling as good as she could while exploring the body before her. Besides, it was just her subconscious.
Victoria wrapped her arms around Kelly and the two women’s bodies became interlaced, trying to create as much surface contact as possible while they both began to suck on each other’s tongues. To Victoria, it felt like she was kissing herself, like she was locking lips with a clone of herself that had a different appearance, as that was essentially what she was doing, but it still felt as real as if she was being intimate with the real Kelly. All life is one in the same, the only individuals are those who want to be individuals, all bodies are fundamentally compatible at the biological level, and all that mattered was the preference of the person. After everything she had seen and experienced in this dream, Victoria couldn’t care less about the gender who she was with, as long as they were someone she cared about. A body was a body, what mattered was the mind inside of it, and even though she only felt love for Jack, this new experience of being with a woman was driving her wild with lust.
As she resigned herself to what was about to happen, she felt a surface against her back and gravity take affect on her. She was lying on an invisible floor, which immediately told her what was going to happen. Kelly ended their kiss and began to run her tongue across Victoria’s cheek and down her neck. Even if it was a dream, Victoria could not even begin to describe the feeling of a woman’s tongue on her naked body, so soft and delicate. Compared to Jack, who was as gentle and loving as she could ever want, Kelly was just so femininely sweet. Victoria gave a soft coo as she felt Kelly begin to massage her breasts with her hands, giggling and covering them with soft kisses.
As Kelly wrapped her lips around Victoria’s left nipple and began sucking it lovingly, Victoria looked down and they made eye contact, the two of them smiling. Kelly moved back and forth, licking Victoria’s breasts like they were two mounds of ice cream. She then moved down, running her tongue down Victoria’s flat belly. With a girlish laugh, Kelly began petting Victoria’s wet pussy, teasing her and licking her lips before finally coming down and flitting her tongue up the middle of the entrance. Feeling a woman touch her most precious and sensitive spot, regardless of how gently, made Victoria give a soft whine and blush. Lying on her stomach on the invisible ground with Victoria’s thighs against her ears, Kelly began sensually running her tongue through Victoria’s cunt, licking up her juices and energizing every nerve in her body.
“Oh god, that feels so good!” Victoria whimpered as she ran her fingers through Kelly’s hair. She then yelped as she felt Kelly insert her thumb into her anus.
“Come on, baby, cum for me,” Kelly purred, working her thumb back and forth in Victoria’s tight asshole.
She continued eating Kelly out, sending her tongue as far up into Victoria as possible while working her lips against the entrance. Victoria’s face was bright red and it almost looked like she was crying in joy, writhing with each flick of Kelly’s tongue and squeezing her large breasts for added stimulation. As Victoria approached her first orgasm, Kelly suddenly stopped, nearly causing Victoria to beg and plead for more.
Getting up on her knees, Kelly wrapped her arms around Victoria’s legs and lifted up her lower body so that her ass was in the air. With a giggle, Kelly ran her tongue around Victoria’s asshole, teasing her and causing her to whimper from the new ticklish sensation. Reaching up, Victoria started fingering herself frantically, her hand barely an inch from Kelly’s face as she gave Victoria her first rimjob. Taking it even further, she spread open Victoria’s ass cheeks and spat down into the darkness of her asshole, nearly making her cum from the visual feeling of having Kelly’s saliva so deep inside her. Holding her willing recipient open, Kelly inserted her tongue into Victoria’s anus, using it to try and sodomize her while Victoria fingered herself into her first orgasm.
Without a doubt, it was one of the greatest climaxes of her life, with her hand basically a blur as she came so hard that pussy juice actually splashed out from her slit and soaked her face. With Victoria taken care of, Kelly moved aside and got on all fours, shaking her ass at Victoria.
“Come on, baby, you know you want to…”
Like a crackhead spotting from cocaine on the floor, Victoria crawled over with her whole body twitching and buried he face in Kelly’s pussy, licking it like there was a gun to her head. Both women began to moan in happiness, Kelly moaning to fit the situation of the dream, and Victoria moaning from the delicious taste of Kelly’s snatch and the erotic realization of what she was doing. For years, Victoria had wished she could lick her own pussy, dreaming of the pleasure it would bring, but here and now, her subconscious flashed with the discovery and acceptance that what she had really wanted was to experiment with a woman. With this knowledge, she doubled her efforts, gorging herself on Kelly’s sweet cunt with undeniable aggression, as if trying to force herself inside of her.
Before long, she could feel Kelly beginning to tremble. She knew what it meant, she knew it all to well. But instead of continuing what she was doing, she stopped and moved upward, working her tongue into Kelly’s asshole while fingering her cunt. Kelly moaned in euphoria as Victoria expected and even began shaking her rear so that her young soft ass cheeks would jiggle against Victoria’s face.
“Oh god, I’m cumming!” Kelly shrieked with Victoria ass-fucking her with her tongue. After soaking Victoria’s hand with her juices, Kelly rolled onto her back.
“Get on top of me.”
Knowing exactly what she meant, Victoria turned around and moved on top of her in the 69-position. She lowered herself down, burying her face in Kelly’s cunt while setting her ass down on her partner’s face. Getting to both taste Kelly’s pussy while getting her own pussy licked, Victoria was in complete nirvana, unable to voice the sheer amount of sensual pleasure was experiencing with her body interlocked with Kelly’s. Her body instead spoke for her, giving her another orgasm, which Kelly matched in timing and intensity. Drinking up each other’s juices desperately, the two women waited until they had stopped shaking before separating.
“So, have you changed your mind?” Kelly panted.
“Definitely.”
Chapter 8
“In order to discover the Self, you must realize your place in the universe and solidify your self-value. You must realize that while we are all individuals in a sense, we are all exactly the same in the grander scheme. The only true differences are the ones we create ourselves, while in reality, we are all made of the same atoms, molecules, and energy. Our DNA may be different and we may have different thoughts, but that only shows that the pieces that built us all don’t always go together in the exact same way, especially in the mind. Let’s say you took DNA out of the question and compared any two humans. Other than perhaps differences in how they are built in terms of bulk and size, the only conceivable difference between them is how their minds work via neural pathways and component affiliation. Even between genders, there is no difference.
If I wanted to, I could complete change each of you into someone else, including each other. Which woman would Tyler become and which woman would become a man, oh it makes me laugh just think about it.”
Tyler and the two girls laughed nervously, knowing that he really could do it.
“I don’t just mean rearranging atoms either, your DNA contains all the information for humans in general. While it may require a Y chromosome from a sperm to fertilize an egg and create a male human, the DNA in every woman contains the biological information on how to create a child of the opposite gender. And that’s not all, all organisms stem from the primordial laws of anatomy, and each and every organism carries those primordial laws. Plants use photosynthesis and animals use cellular respiration, but if you had the ability, you could without a problem take the genetic information from either and turn them into the other. As long as the atoms are there and you can manipulate them, you can turn anything into anything.
However, if you go even deeper, you realize that we are actually no different from non-living matter as well. Take any object in my room, or even your own clothes, just pick something. You and whatever object you picked share the same principals of containing matter, energy, and chemical reactions. Even a cold stone has energy passing through it and molecules breaking and forming within it. You may be thinking to yourself that this is a load of bullshit (pardon my French), but you are each no different than whatever object you chose.
While the atoms, amount of energy, and number of chemical reactions may be different, all matter is the same. It all depends on how it is put together. Tell me, what is the difference between a dead body and a living one? At the atomic level, none. In terms of energy, great. Cellular condition and health? Well that depends on reason of death and how long ago death occurs. Imagine a human dying, not from any illness, accident, or even age. Just imagine life leaves him like a dead battery, and for the sake of the metaphor, his cells remain in perfect condition. Do you know the only difference between you and that body? Nothing more than the amount of energy you contain and it contains. Hell, since the cells are still intact, you could bring him back to life with a jumpstart.
In essence, the only difference between you and any dead body is the amount of energy you each have and the condition of the cells if you want to be nitpicky. That’s it. It still has matter like you, it still has chemical reactions like you, and it still has energy like you, albeit a lower amount. There is nothing different between you two, and since there is no difference between a dead body and inanimate matter, there is no real difference between life and inanimate matter.”
“So how does that tie in to self-worth?” Kelly asked.
“If you see yourself as exactly like everything else, then you see yourself as an equal part of the universe. Instead of thinking that you’re a person on the only known planet that can support life, you realize that you are a conglomerate of atoms and energy, held in the gravitational pull of another conglomerate of atoms, orbiting a nuclear fusion conglomerate of atoms in the universe. You see yourself not as an organism on the dry earth, but as a drop of water, more energetic than the dry earth but made of atoms just like it.
The next time you go out and maybe glance up at the moon, I want you to realize that the difference between you and it is little more than how you are both built and how far apart you are. If your ever bored, reach out and touch the nearest object. Try to visualize the atoms in your body coming into to contact with the atoms in that object, the energy swirling around within it and you, and realize that you are nothing more a bigger copy of that with more atoms and different chemical reactions.”
He then paused, letting the words sink in to everyone’s mind. Mulling over everything he had told them, Victoria, Tyler, and Kelly looked around the room and the floor, doing what he said and visualizing the atoms and energy. In their eyes, he could see that they knew he was right. He could see that they were realizing how matter and energy were the only changes.
“Once you realize this, then you will see pain in a whole new way. You will realize that what you feel as pain is nothing more than chemical reactions in your body, reacting to other chemical reactions or physical collisions. At which point, the value and meaning of that pain becomes up to you. Imagine someone plays a prank on you, humiliates you in front of the whole school with everyone pointing and laughing at you. Unless their prank involved physically harming you, your only pain comes from the value you place on the prankster’s intentions and the laughing of everyone. They cannot force this pain on it, you can only choose to let it happen. If you can see beyond the social meaning implied in the ramifications of that prank, if you can see the insignificance of something as insipid as the opinions of the people laughing at you, and if you can look at yourself and realize that since you are not hurt, there is no reason to be upset, then you realize that you have achieved complete self-reliance.
Victoria and Kelly, I told this story to Tyler, and I think this will help you understand what I am saying. Back in my old school, there was a girl I knew, one who I had taught to discover the Self. Unfortunately, she became the victim of a sexual assault. However, she did not allow her to affect her the way it would to normal people. The event splashed off her soul like water on rock. To understand why, let’s take a look at the reasons of why sexual assault normally hurts people.
1. There is the physical damage. She had her virginity taken away, but to her, it did not matter, because that didn’t mean she couldn’t still know the feeling of making love to someone for the first time in her life. Any other scars would inevitably heal.
2. There is the loss of power, the loss of the ability to choose who touches you in that way, when a woman is normally very selective in who she allows to establish that bond. She said that she didn’t mind, because nothing he could do could hurt her mind, only her body, and I’ve already explained the meaning of that. That man could penetrate and violate her body, but no one could penetrate or violate her mind, and that is the one place where she would always have control and the only place she needed control.
3. The issue of sex itself. Let’s face it, we learn more from the faceless media and society about sex than from our parents when they give us “the talk”. But ladies, try to imagine that you knew nothing about sex, rape, or sexuality. You’re basically one of those feral children that you hear about in India. Now imagine that a stranger sexually assaults you. You have no idea what is so you don’t fight back, so he in turn isn’t rough or cruel. Do you think that you would feel the same pain and fear as a woman who has grown up in modern society? At most, you would be wondering what the hell he was doing and what that sensation was.
Before you start thinking I’m full of shit, you can see this effect in animals. Have you ever seen a female dog freak out and have a psychological break-down if she get’s mounted by a strange dog in the park? It knows nothing about what it means to be raped, only of its instincts to mate and reproduce. You’ll see this throughout the animal kingdom, females are really only picky about finding the best member of the opposite gender to give it the healthiest offspring. The rest of the time, a female will basically just stand there and smell the roses, barely even registering it.
If you can see your body in an instrumental way and look at intercourse in the same way an animal does, then you see that the pain of sexual assault comes from the victim’s perception of the act. My friend was able to see it as some damage to her body, nothing more. Though whenever I have this conversation, I like to remind who I’m talking to that I am strongly against sexual assault and do not make light of the damage it can cause.”
Victoria and Kelly were both silent, incorporating what he had said into their minds. Hearing it, they almost felt safe, like Jack had just given them a special defense against sexual assault should they ever become a victim. They almost felt like should such a thing ever happen to them, they would be able to retain control and would have a safety net, protecting them from the worst aspects of the assault.
“If you can learn to see the world from this view, then you can live a life without anger or grudges. You see that a materialistic life means nothing since the value of objects come from you, and if you can look beyond pain and no longer be negatively affected by others, then you can learn to forgive in just about any situation. You can forgive someone who burns down your house, since you don’t need material possessions. You can forgive someone who kills a member of your family, since you know that death is only an illusion. You can forgive someone who hurts or robs you, because you know that you will recover and that you will get more money if you really need it.
If you can learn to forgive and become immune to the negatives, then you’ll have nothing left but positives. You’ll help everyone because you’ll have no fear of being hurt and you won’t care about the cost. When that terrorist shot me, I held no ill will. I forgave him and worked to help him, and you will with whomever you meet. Happiness comes from the Self, but it also comes from people, so since you have no fear of cost or betrayal and see only the light, your greatest joy becomes making other people happy. You see that since you don’t have to live in a negative world, no one else should have to.
The next time you are driving through the rain and see someone with a flat tire, I hope you’ll stop and help them. So what if it’s raining? You’re body will tell you that it’s wet and probably cold, but that only matters if you mind it. So what if the person you’re helping isn’t very likeable. Maybe your kind act will help them become a better person. What if you are late for an appointment or date? You can always reschedule and only a person who is truly important will understand and won’t mind if you’re late. You’ve learned how to not be unhappy, so do whatever you can to make sure that others aren’t unhappy in your place.
Once you learn how to always be happy, you can do things for others that you didn’t like before and help them become happy. You can work down in a soup kitchen and help others, while being as happy and carefree as if you were at home doing what you would normally doing. I know today I’ve sounded like someone who devalues the human experience, but believe me, I believe the one and only true positive in this universe is the ability to be happy.”
Everyone smiled at his words, feeling a warmth in their hearts. Right then and there, they knew they would never again be miserable. As long as they had a choice and the knowledge Jack had blessed them with, they could always be happy.
“Now I’m going to cover one more subject and then we’ll have to call it a day. The subject I want to go over ties in with the original topic of self-value, as it deals with the final equalizer in this reality, the equalizer that dictates what reality is: time. I’ve gone over this with Tyler, but you two need to hear it. Everything in the universe is predetermined by time, with there being one and only one reality. Have you ever been in a situation, where later you wish you had made a different decision or chose a different act? Have you ever blamed yourself for not doing something you were capable of?
In truth, there is no point in being angry with yourself, because what you did was unavoidable. Every event in reality is destined; it is the one and only path that time can take. Imagine you are walking down the street; visualize it. Every step you take has already been preordained by time, including the next one. You raise your foot, lean forward, and are about to touch back down. At this moment, an unlimited number of variables are switching to the points required for your next step. Temperature, air density, stamina, sense of balance, distractions, the ground itself… all are parts of the equation for this step, and every one is exact and unmovable.
Now imagine the step and where you touch down, its exact point on the sidewalk. According to the variables, there was no other place you could have landed. All the variables had lined up for you to step in that exact geographical spot, not a single micrometer out of place. Every single variable guaranteed it at that instant, it’s not like all the variables said your foot would land there but the variable for your sense of direction said you would momentarily lose balance and step an inch short. Every variable lines up exactly to create one single reality without any other possibilities.
Everything you do, think, feel, and say has been predetermined by fate. This conversation was guaranteed, the way you are sitting was guaranteed, the way you are breathing while you listen to me was guaranteed, and every decision you make about it is guaranteed as well. However, like I said, every single variable has to line up, and this includes decision-making. Every event happens because the variables allow that one path of time to exist, and like it, every decision you make is only possible because you have the ability to make it.
Imagine you have to make a very important decision, one which requires you know all the facts and understand the consequences of your choice. That said, time cannot make you give a well-informed decision without knowing the facts, understanding the consequences, and being capable of making that decision. No event can take place without the setting just right, and no decision can be made unless you have the ability to make a decision. Just as a worst case scenario cannot happen without the setting supporting it, you cannot make a smart choice unless you yourself are smart enough to make it. Even if your decision is just a guess, you are only able to make that guess because you have the mental prowess required to make it.
And with that, we’ll call it a day. Now just like yesterday, your assignment is to mull over everything I’ve told you and incorporate it into your own minds. This information is useless unless you choose to let it impact you. Like they say, you can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make it drink.”
Feeling like their minds were about to burst from the massive psychological injection, Victoria, Tyler and Kelly all gave sighs of relief and joy while they stood up and stretched.
“By the way Jack, I have football practice tomorrow. Is it ok if I come later for tomorrow’s lesson?” Tyler asked.
“Of course, have fun!” Jack said with his usual carefree smile.
“I guess that means me, Kelly, and Jack will be spending some quality time together,” Victoria said, looking right into Kelly’s eyes with the smallest of smiles.
Kelly’s eyes widened, almost as a nonverbal way to question if Victoria meant what she thought she meant, and with a tiny nod, she confirmed it and Kelly lit up like a Christmas tree.
——————————————————
It was a warm morning, at least slightly, warm enough to turn the would-be snow storm into a torrential downpour. Wet, freezing, and probably guaranteeing a cold, Tyler twisted the bolts of his spare tire onto the axle of the motorist’s truck, since she didn’t have one. He was more than twenty minutes late for class and uncomfortable in his wet clothes, but he didn’t mind in the slightest. His body could handle it, one late class wouldn’t kill him, and he could always just get another spare. He was just glad the two trucks had the same-sized tires. Humming the song that had been playing on his alarm clock radio, he tightened all the bolts and then put his jack and tire iron back into the cab of his truck.
“I borrow my husband’s truck one time and I pop a tire, just my luck. I can’t thank you enough, please, take this for the tire. It’s the least I can do.” The woman said, clutching an umbrella and holding out all the money from her wallet.
“Don’t worry about it, consider it a freebie,” Tyler replied.
“Please, I can’t get a tire donated and changed in the rain by someone without giving them something. Please let me make up to you.”
“If you want to make it up to me, pass on the good deed to someone else,” he said cheerfully before climbing back into his truck and driving off without a care in the world.
——————————————————
“Watch it, whore!” a student said as Kelly bumped into him in the hall and knocked his phone out of his hand.
“Oh, I’m sorry,” she said, picking it up for him. Noting the scratch on the screen, the punk uttered a loud curse.
“Goddammit, shouldn’t you be off sucking from freshman dick?”
Instead of feeling anger or shame, Kelly just smiled. “I don’t do that anymore. Sorry about the phone.”
——————————————————
Victoria yelped as the cup of hot coffee splashed across her chest and soaked her favorite blouse, turning the radiant sky blue into sickly brownish-purple. It took her everyone in the cafeteria only a second to conclude that the huge stain would never come out.
“Oh Jesus, I’m so sorry, Victoria!” her friend exclaimed.
“Relax, no harm done.”
“Oh come on, everyone knows this shirt is your favorite.”
“Well then, I guess I’ll just have to find a new favorite. Here, sorry about the coffee,” Victoria said with a smile while handing her friend a few dollars to get another drink.
In the corner, sitting at his usual table, Jack looked up over his book of poetry and smiled with pride.
——————————————————
“Ok, so just to make sure, this is a one-time thing.” Victoria established, standing with Kelly and Jack in his room, all three nervous.
“Agreed,” Jack and Kelly said.
“And this is YOUR one time, no more women after this but me,” Victoria said, pointing at Jack.
“Yes dear,” he said with a fake groan.
“Have you ever been with a women?” Kelly asked.
“No, but I’m always open to new things. You?”
“Plenty of times. Don’t worry, it’s fun.”
“All right, here goes nothing,” Victoria said, walking over and planting a kiss on Kelly.
Jack watched with a raised eyebrow and an erect dick as the two women stood like statues, their lips pressed together and unmoving. After several seconds, they separated, stared into each other’s eyes, and started kissing again, this time with more passion and tongue. Immediately, they began feeling each other up and panting heavily as they kissed over and over again, sucking on each other’s tongues while fireworks went off in their heads. For Victoria, the feeling, taste, and acknowledgment of being with another woman was even greater than in her dream, since this Kelly was real, and for Kelly, the same unique kinky arousal experienced when kissing another girl was flaring back up.
Jack took a step forward and wrapped his arms around them, reminding them that he was still there. Victoria ended her kiss with Kelly and then began kissing Jack while the former began undressing. Once Kelly was naked, she pressed herself against Victoria and took her place kissing Jack, letting Victoria get undressed. Pressing herself against Jack and Kelly, Victoria joined in and added her lips to the fray. The three-way kiss ended after several seconds and the two women climbed up onto Jack’s fold-out bed. While Jack undressed, Victoria and Kelly explored each other’s bodies with their hands, giggling and relishing the softness of each other’s skin.
All three now completely nude, Jack climbed onto the bed with them, immediately moving over to Victoria. Setting his head between her legs, he began to hungrily lick her cunt, slurping up the juices already dripping from between her legs. While Jack ate out Victoria, Kelly leaned over and began sucking on her breasts. The sensation of feminine lips on her nipples made her blush and pant, a sensation almost more intense than Jack tonguing her clit. After thoroughly painting Victoria’s tits with saliva, she moved up and resumed kissing her for a few seconds, but then it was time to move on.
Victoria lied back and Kelly got on top of her, straddling her face. Without any hesitation or sign of discomfort, Victoria sent her tongue up into Kelly while working her lips against the entrance, causing the young woman to begin whimpering in bliss. She couldn’t remember the last time someone had gone down on her, and now that she was a virgin with an untrained body, every lick from Victoria’s tongue was as potent as during her first time. For Victoria, just the fact that she was having her face sat on by another woman was practically orgasmic. She felt so kinky, so naughty, and yet she wanted more. Maybe it was because of Jack’s lessons or the dream she had had before, but there was no unease in her heart at the thought of being with another women. The act of flitting her tongue between Kelly’s virgin lips felt completely natural.
Grabbing Kelly’s hips, she moved her forward on her face. Knowing what Victoria was doing, Kelly smiled and got up on her hands and knees in a crabwalk with Victoria’s face kept buried in her young, tight ass, while facing Jack so that he could see her chin and lower lip.
“Damn, you’re kinkier than I thought!” Kelly said, feeling Victoria’s tongue penetrating her asshole like a power drill.
With Victoria now wet and loose and Kelly giving him room, Jack got up and brought himself up to her level. Without his hands, he pushed his manhood deep into her slit and began fucking her. With short fast strokes, he worked himself through her cunt with only his lower body, keeping his upper body stationary so that he could lick Kelly’s sweet snatch. With a tongue in her ass and a tongue in her cunt, Kelly was whining in happiness, desperate and wishing for Jack to start fucking her. Victoria, feeling Jack’s manhood slam her interior like a machine while she licked every corner of Kelly’s tight anus, was on cloud nine and at the peak of her euphoric potential. But like all good things, the position had to change.
After a minute of fucking Victoria, Jack finally sat back up and pulled out of her. Quick on the scene, Kelly pounced on him and hungrily took his cock in her mouth, sucking it clean of Victoria’s pussy juice and relishing the feeling of his member on her tongue.
“I’m ready, Jack. You gave me my virginity, so you should be the one to take it,” she murmured, lying back and spreading her legs.
With a kind smile, Jack climbed on top of her and Victoria backed off, patiently letting Kelly have her turn. With Kelly running her tongue through his mouth, Jack slowly entered her, spreading the lips of her pussy with his cock and moving in centimeter by centimeter. Even though she had been fucked hundreds of times, the feeling of penetration was completely new to Kelly’s healed body, and she unknowingly dug her nails into Jack’s back as he reached her hymen. Without ending their kiss, she nodded and he obeyed, pushing all the way in and deflowering her.
With formerly virgin blood streaming from her torn hymen for the second time in her life, Kelly moaned happily and Jack worked up to his usual rhythm, quickly forcing her to further spread her legs and raise them as he pumped her snatch like a hammering piston. Victoria watched the two of them while chewing on her lip and working her fingers between her legs, wishing she could have her turn again, but there was something about watching the two of them together that strangely turned her on. By now, Kelly’s feet were up in the air and Jack was working her with all of his strength, waiting for her to give that key moan.
Finally hearing it, Jack gave ten more powerful thrusts, delivering her to her first orgasm. With Kelly as limp as a ragdoll, Jack sat up to catch his breath. Quickly, Victoria climbed up onto Kelly to get her turn, shaking her ass at Jack and grinning.
“Come on, stud, put it in me. Right here,” she said, spreading her ass cheeks.
Smiling at the honor, Jack leaned forward and first ran kisses across her taut shapely rear, teasing her and using the opportunity to finish catching his breath. Then, to make sure he would be able to move inside her, he flitted his tongue through her back door. The sensation of her lover going down on her from behind was like nothing she had experienced, even kinkier than when she had done the same to Kelly, since she knew what was going to follow it. Jack was certainly diligent in his licks, plunging himself as far into her perfect rear as he could, relishing the naughty taste.
With her ass as ready as it would ever be, Jack got up on his knees and pressed the head of his cock against her tight ring. Leaning forward, he slowly began to enter her, causing Victoria to wince and whine at the strange and almost painful sensation. Moving slowly to spare her as much discomfort as possible, Jack slithered in, millimeter by millimeter. With Jack working himself inside her and stretching her virgin asshole, Victoria was holding onto Kelly tightly for support and Kelly was returning the embrace. With time and patience, Jack eventually worked his entire cock into her and waited for Victoria to stop trembling.
“How are you doing, champ?” Kelly asked beneath her while stroking her hair.
“I’m ok,” Victoria said softly.
“How does it feel?” Jack asked while rubbing her shoulders.
She looked back at him with a tender smile. “Fantastic.”
“I’m glad. Ok, I’m going to start pulling out. If it starts to hurt, tell me and I’ll stop.”
Victoria answered with a simple nod.
Holding onto Victoria’s hips, Jack slowly retracted his phallus, pulling out of her as gently as possible. Feeling the huge mass being removed like a knife from a wound, Victoria gagged and whimpered with Kelly talking her through it. Once he was back far enough so that only the head was inside her, Jack began to push himself back in, this time getting a lot less resistance in terms of tightness and Victoria’s reaction. Time passed, and after a few cycles through her, Jack was finally able to stop being gentle and start fucking her.
Leaning forward on his hands, Jack began thrusting into her with his speed building. Quickly becoming accustomed to the feeling, Victoria’s pain was soon replaced with ecstasy. After a couple minutes, she was giving soft moans of pleasure which rose in volume as Jack’s speed increased. Beneath the two of them, Kelly was focusing less on the physical sensations and more on her awareness of what was going on. Knowing that a sexy young woman had her naked body pressed against her own was even better than the sensation itself, and that was really saying something, as the feeling of Victoria’s warm soft breasts against her own was practically orgasmic. But above all, the knowledge that the girl on top of her was getting sodomized for the first time made it incredibly kinky. Every time Victoria moved from one of Jack’s thrusts, it charged up Kelly’s horniness and made her feel like she was getting ass-fucked as well. With no other stimulation, she just focused on the feeling of Victoria’s warm, soft, naked body interlaced with hers and erotic knowledge of Victoria’s first anal pounding.
By now, Jack was moving at top speed, slamming Victoria’s loosened anus with almost brutal power. To Victoria, the feeling of being both sodomized by the man she loved and held by her naked friend was almost too much to describe in terms of the pleasure they were generating. The foldout bed beneath them was jumping on its foundations and creaking like a house on the verge of collapse as Jack hammered Victoria’s asshole like a mallet driving a stake into the ground.
“Oh god, I’m cumming!” Victoria moaned as her body drowned in its own deluge of happiness.
“I need a break,” Jack panted as he pulled out of her.
“Don’t worry, just lay back and I’ll take care of everything,” Kelly said coyly.
Doing as he was told, Jack lied down on the bed and Kelly moved onto his lap. With lots of courage and years of experience, she grasped his dick and pressed it against her asshole, slowly lowering herself onto it and moaning as it entered her for the “second” first time. Victoria watched her with almost a mix of amazement and adoration, simply impressed with how well she was taking it and completely doing so on her own. Once Jack’s manhood was completely inside her, she began to rock back and forth on him, using the changing angle to control how deep inside her he was. Damn, she really knew what she was doing!
Bouncing on Jack’s cock, Kelly suddenly yelped in surprise as Victoria came up behind her, giggling coyly as she used one hand to fondle Kelly’s modest B-cup breasts and used her other hand to finger her. She even upped the ante by running kisses up Kelly’s neck. With the multi-directional sources of pleasure, it only took Kelly only a minute to have a gushing orgasm. With her ass sore, she dismounted Jack and Victoria quickly went down on him, hungrily sucking his cock and cleaning it of Kelly’s juices. Straddling his lap, she worked his cock into her pussy and began riding him while Kelly sat on his face, letting him gorge himself on her slit and asshole. While the women rode him, they both leaned forward and started kissing and touching each other, even teasing each other by pulling on each other’s nipples.
Once Jack had regained his strength, they switched again, this time with Jack mounting Kelly in the doggy-style position and fucking her pussy while Kelly went down on Victoria, eating her out while she massaged her breasts. Now that they had all gotten accustomed to what they were doing, they began switching more frequently. Taking every position they could, Jack fucked Victoria and Kelly like an animal, while the two women found themselves incapable of going long without pawing at or licking each other. Over and over again Jack would enter one of the women, fuck her with all of this strength, pull out and receive a quick blowjob, then enter the other woman all over again in a different position.
After an unknown amount of time, the three teens were on the bed, Jack lying on his back with Victoria and Kelly sucking him off, taking turns or working simultaneously, often with their lips and tongues stopping to mingle with each other.
“Girls, I can’t hold it back any longer. I’m going to cum,” Jack said softly, completely exhausted. It was a miracle he hadn’t erupted already.
At his words, both women grabbed his cock and began stroking it quickly, jerking him off with their faces right above it, pressed together with their mouths open. In a huge spraying mess, Jack fired every drop of semen he had like a cum volcano, covering both women’s faces and more than filling their mouths. The two women then finished by licking the semen off each other’s faces and cum-swapping it back and forth, followed by a long French kiss in which they swallowed it all and licked the remains out of each other’s mouths.
Completely exhausted, the three teens laid side by side, once again out of breath.
“You know, I doubt I’ll be able to keep the one-time-only rule,” Victoria said.
“Well I certainly wouldn’t blame you, that was easily the greatest sex I’ve ever had,” murmured Kelly.
“That truly was very enjoyable,” Jack said happily.
At the sound of approaching footsteps, they all looked up as the door opened.
“Hey Jack, hope I’m not to late. Is there still time to…” Tyler said, stepping inside and trailing off inside them.
Everyone was dead silent, Tyler staring at the three naked teens and the huge wet mess that they had turned the bed into, and Jack, Victoria, and Kelly staring at Tyler and wondering what he was going to say. Finally, Tyler burst into uncontrollable laughter, cackling to the point where he had to hold onto his sides and looked like he was about to fall over.
“Jesus Christ, we really are a cult!”
——————————————————
It took a while for Tyler to get all the laughs out of him and even longer before he, Victoria, or Kelly could look each other in the eyes. Regardless, they eventually moved on and returned to the lesson.
“Now, since we’re short on time, this lesson is going to be short. Tomorrow, we’ll go over everything and won’t stop until you all discover your Selves. So far, we have mostly talked about humans and their roles in the universe, the universe itself, and perceptions of pain. Now, we continue from yesterday and delve into human relationships and interactions. For this, we will return to the Tree of Life and focus on the Chokhmah Sephirot, the Binah Sephirot, and Da’at Sephirot. As you may recall, Chokhmah is the power of intuitive wisdom and the ability to draw meaning from the abstract and form a solid truth, Binah is the ability to process and learn from what we encounter and form connections between subjects, and Da’at is the balance between them, the ability to understand meaning and create our own.
These three work in human interaction and help unlock the enigmatic quagmire known as the minds of others. In order to understand yourself, you must understand others, and vise versa. The original requirement for understanding is empathy, defined as the ability to feel others’ pain. Through empathy, you can see different paths in life by using other people as test subjects. It lets you see the alternatives to yourself, the paths not taken. By knowing others, you gain a point of reference as to knowing yourself.
Now, if you can gain a mastery of empathy, then you gain the ability to look past almost all conflict. Just about every argument or fight is drawn from a misunderstanding; they are the results of two parties not truly knowing each other. However, if you learn to put yourself entirely in someone else’s shoes, then you become incapable of misunderstanding. I don’t just mean imagining yourself living that person’s life with their problems and opportunities, but being able to replicate their very thought process. If you can see the world exactly as they do, then you gain the ability to solve any problem. You can create the perfect compromise, you know who is right and who is wrong without relying on stereotypes and assumptions, and you know exactly how to defuse them.
When I talked to that terrorist, I put myself in his situation and mindset exactly, and with that information, I knew just what to say to calm him down.
By mastering empathy, you gain the gift of omnipotence. When you put yourself in someone else’s shoes and look at the world exactly as they do, then you can do so with everyone, and can therefor see the entire world and understand all problems. You understand all social dynamics and are able to break down the barriers between your mind and the minds of everyone else. However, it’s not quite that easy. It requires a great deal of skill in being able to read other people and draw forth information from what you see in them. But if you can understand how your brain works, then you can understand how their brains work, and if you can understand how their brains work, then you can understand how your brain works.”
“So basically the Self can be used to replicate the minds of others?” Tyler asked.
“Well I wouldn’t quite say it like that. It’s more like it allows you to connect with others and become one with all of mankind, and from that, you gain complete understanding of who you are. Think of other people as like maps of your brain, each one inaccurate in some way. However, if you take all those maps and figure out which parts are true, then you understand the build of your subconscious. Now, I believe we should call this a day.
Tomorrow, you will all reach the final step and discover your Selves, I promise.”
——————————————————
Jack’s apostles lay in their beds, unable to fall asleep. Their minds were all buzzing, wondering what it would feel like when they discovered their Selves, as well as wondering if it was really going to happen. Jack had guaranteed that they would all succeed tomorrow, but was it really possible for people to have such a drastic metamorphosis in just twenty days? And on Friday, they would get the answers that they had all been waiting for…
——————————————————
“Very good Kelly, it seems my words did have a strong effect,” Jack said with Kelly having just finished retelling her dream on the night of their first lesson.
He had asked all three of his students to do so, to help share their knowledge with each other.
“Now before we begin the awakening process, there are two more branches of the Tree of Life we must go over; Netzach and Hod, the most important Sephirots in discovering the Self. These two Sephirots are tightly linked, Netzach dealing with action in the desire to find the Self and Hod with submission in the face of nature. In other words, they are your individuality vs. your self-worth. With Netzach, you are a completely unique person, a living being, a human with his or her own thoughts, ideals, and beliefs. With Hod, it all comes back to how everything is the same, including life and inanimate matter. In essence, Netzach allows you to act while harnessing the Self, and Hod provides the universal view that keeps your mind wide open without any biases or limitations. By devaluing yourself, you become part of a larger and larger group, up until the point where you realize that you are nothing more than matter and energy, which in turn lets you understand the universe.
You must remember these two Sephirots when the process begins: Netzach to keep you from becoming completely submissive to the universe and basically turning into a vegetable, and Hod to remember your place in the universe, remain humble, and know that all is one and one is all. Now for this to work, I need you all to sit as comfortably as possible. Find a position that you can maintain up to the point where you feel like you’ll fall asleep. Close your eyes and try to visualize what I say while remembering everything I have taught you.”
Victoria, Tyler, and Kelly all did as they were told, getting as comfortable as they could be while sitting on the ground and closing their eyes. When Jack spoke again, he did so softly.
“For now, focus on your breathing and your heart rate. Keep your mind pinned on each breath passing through your lungs. In and out, in and out. Direct your attention to the air moving through your body. In and out, in and out.” He waited a minute for their brains to all reach a calmed state. “Imagine yourself sitting on this floor, feel the carpet beneath you, and below that, the hard wood floors. Slowly, you begin to sink into them, the floor beneath you is melting. Further and further you are lowered, the floor basically turning into a net that is now snapping one strand at a time. Finally, the floor breaks, and you fall into darkness. Deeper and deeper you fall, no ground beneath you but no fear in your mind, you simply fall, fall until you lose all track of time.
Now…”
——————————————————
Victoria was hovering above the earth, naked and completely at peace, sitting in the lotus position. Above her, a diagram of the Tree of Life appeared, the size of a lake. From each Sephirot, tendrils of wood began to extend out and merge together, turning into a literal tree of truly gargantuan proportions but barren branches. Becoming as large as the state of California with the diagram glowing in the side of the trunk, the tree reached down with its roots and began to wrap around the earth. Billions upon trillions of times, the roots separated and spread out, each one plugging into an organism on the planet. Piercing the atmosphere and cloud cover, each root came down and injected itself straight into every living thing like a syringe, from the largest whales to the smallest bacteria. The roots then expanded, with a layer of bark covering each organism and cocooning them as they merged with it.
As the organisms were absorbed, the tree continued to grow in size with its roots even digging into the ground. On the branches, leaves began to appear, one for every organism absorbed. Riddling the planet with more and more roots, the tree continued to grow, enlarging to the point where the tree was like someone’s forearm and the earth was their fist, now held together only through the roots of the trees. The tree completed, Victoria began to float backwards, coming into contact with the tree, specifically in the Da’at Sephirot. But instead of being completely consumed, she only partially merged with it, with the whole front of her body completely exposed.
Like Victoria, the tree began to float backwards through space. As it zoomed through the null void like rogue meteor, Victoria basked in the sea of minds churning within the tree. All the identities and individualities had been melted down like scrap metal, but there was still so much passion within it. Emotions, instincts, and desires rose up in foamy tidal waves, with all the life of earth having basically turned into one colossal mind. In the center of this sea and almost controlling it was Victoria, taking in incomprehensible amounts of information from all the organisms that the tree had absorbed. But there were more than the life forms that had just been on earth at that time, it felt like every organism in the history of earth, even the history the universe, was now swirling within the Tree of Life.
For several billions of years, the tree flew through space, with Victoria spending the entire time bathing in the waterfall of knowledge from all the organisms. As the tree flew, it picked up more material and continued to grow in size. Now instead of consuming organisms, it was consuming asteroids, planets, stars, black holes, entire nebulae, and even galaxies, with all the information and history of each and every piece of matter passing through Victoria’s mind like the entirety of Niagara Falls being forced through a garden hose.
She could see it all, every planet’s formation, every star’s life and death, and every black hole’s birth. She could see every rock colliding, every wisp of gas or dust, every geographical feature on the endless number of barren planets being formed. And yet, while the tree was absorbing everything, it didn’t really feel like the matter was being devoured in any sort of way. It felt more like the tree was a metaphysical medium, binding all matter and energy together like a protein bonding atoms into molecules.
Finally, the tree reached its destination, the very center of the universe and origin point of the Big Bang. The very heart of the universe was a colossal black hole, several times larger than even the largest galaxy, and surrounded by a spinning disk of matter that took up half of the universe’s surface area alone. Passing through wave after wave of matter, the tree approached the black hole while absorbing everything around it and growing in size.
Reaching the event horizon, the tree was practically drowned in a sea of light, created by every photon in the area being drawn in to the black hole. Like a swimmer diving into water, the Tree of Life entered the heart of the universe. Penetrating the mass, all the information and history that had taken place around every single atom and light particle that the black hole consumed was channeled through Victoria’s mind. Immediately upon the tree’s insertion, roots and branches began to appear on the surface of the black hole, and in a matter of seconds, the entire mass was consumed and became part of the tree. Now the largest thing in the universe, the tree began branching out once again, sending wooden tentacles out in all directions, each tendril grabbing and binding with a single atom. The atoms were absorbed, as well as their information.
The roots continued to spread out, exceeding the speed of the expanding universe itself. They consumed every single atom in space and drank up all the energy, but as they reached the edge of the universe, something happened. The universe stopped expanding, and instead, began to contract like a deflating balloon. As the universe closed in on itself, all the branches and roots were pushed back, causing the tree to curl up like a dead spider. Quickly, the universe became so small that the Tree of Life was compacted as densely as water, without a single nanometer of open space. Yet the universe kept on shrinking, crushing the mass of the Tree of Life itself and condensing it.
Smaller and smaller, the Tree of Life was crushed from all sides like a dying star turning into a black hole. Quickly, the atomic pressure and the temperature skyrocketed, until finally, the Tree of Life had been compacted into a single speck, as hot, dense, and small as the primordial particle that the universe was born from.
FLASH
In a radiant light that surpassed all human understanding, the particle exploded into the second Big Bang, recreating the universe in a flood of energy and molten quarks.
——————————————————
Victoria’s eyes flew open and she took the deepest breath of her life. She felt like every cell in her body was on fire, and yet she felt no pain. In fact, the flames were euphoric. Looking down at her hands, she almost thought that she had gone blind, as it looked like her hands and the background behind them had merged together, but in reality, she was seeing her hands in a new way. She wasn’t seeing them as parts of her body, but as masses of atoms, just like the floor beneath her. It was almost like they were camouflaged. Landing on her palms, tears poured from her eyes.
She looked around, finding Kelly and Tyler in the same state as her. All were staring at their hands or the ground, looking like they were about to suffer a seizure. Like her, they were crying tears of joy, as if feeling true happiness for the first time in their lives. Victoria’s head whipped back and forth, trying to take everything in. Just a moment ago, she thought she had been blind, but now she felt like she had the eyes of God. In every direction she turned, she felt like she could see all the way to the edge of the universe and discern every single atom in the way.
With all of Creation now in view of her mind’s eye, she truly realized how insignificant everything in her life was, how small she was compared to the goings on in the universe. She felt vulnerable, like a mouse in the shadow of an eagle, but so too did she feel comforted, as never in her life had she felt so at home and where she belonged. She was a part of the universe, exactly like the stars and planets that were scattered across the cosmos, and the universe was also part of her. They were one and the same, and so too was she one with everyone around her and all life on Earth. Unable to think straight, Victoria looked at her hands again, trying to describe how she felt. She felt smarter, more sensitive, more open. She felt like a thick blindfold had just been removed from her brain. She felt completely open, open both in terms of her soul and open to the outside world.
Everyone turned to Jack, who had a proud smile on his face. He had not used any of his abilities on them for the enlightenment process, the visions they had were all brought on through his words alone.
“Congratulations, each of you has found your Genesis.”
——————————————————
It took a while for everyone’s mind to settle so that they could think clearly, the effects of reaching enlightenment being similar to those of LSD. For each of them, the entire universe was in view of their mind’s eye and complete and total understanding of everything within their memories and awareness had been discovered. Even more than understanding the world around them, everyone felt like they now truly knew who they were. Compared to what they were experiencing now, their view and knowledge before was like that of an ant’s. They all felt like completely different people, both in how they saw the world and how they saw themselves and what they were like.
When everyone at last became used to their new perspective, Jack found himself at the heart of a group hug, with his friends shouting their gratitude and crying tears of joy from the emotional ecstasy he had allowed them to experience and everything he had done for them. Never in their lives had any of them been so at peace and happy, their very souls feeling weightless. Jack had turned their lives around and he did it without being asked or asking anything in return. To them, it felt like he had appeared simply to bring happiness to everyone he met, and they were all unable to find the words to describe how grateful they were. Jack could do nothing but smile in pride and try not to get trampled and crushed to death.
——————————————————
Jack and Victoria were lying in bed, staring into each other’s eyes after having just made love.
“How do you feel?” Jack asked while stroking her hair.
“I feel… I feel so good that I can’t even describe it. I never thought it was possible to be this happy. I feel invincible, like nothing can hurt me or make me lose my smile. I just see everything in a positive way, it’s like being in a fantasy world.”
“Now you know why I’m always smiling.”
“I can’t even begin to say how much I love you and how grateful I am for everything you’ve done for me. We’ve been together for less than three weeks, yet you’ve completely reshaped my world in ways that no one else could. Compared to what I have now, my previously life could barely even be called a life. I feel like I’m in heaven and I can see the entire universe.”
“I’m glad, your happiness is the light of my life.”
Victoria’s smile slowly faded and she bit her lip.
“Jack, am I going to like the answers you’ll give me tomorrow?”
“That is up to you. I’ve given the three of you the exact time and place to meet me and I will answer all of your questions. How you feel about them is all your jurisdiction.”
——————————————————
10:33 AM, December 21st, 2012
Victoria, Tyler, and Kelly hurried across the school campus. They were headed to the intersection next to the school, where Jack had told them to meet him at exactly 10:35. All four teenagers had pretended to go to the bathroom and left school, but Jack had gone early. Even after each discovering their Genesis, the three teens were nervous, wondering what he would tell them.
They found him at the street corner, waiting for them with an excited smile. “Ah good, you’re here just in time.”
“So now you’ll answer our questions?” Tyler asked.
“In just a minute. Here, follow me,” Jack said, walking out into the intersection with cars honking at his sudden carefree stride into the center of danger.
“Jack, what are you doing?!” Victoria yelled as cars continued to pass by, honking at him.
“If you want your answers, you’ll have to stand here with me.”
Drawing up their courage, Victoria, Tyler, and Kelly followed him into the street. All cars came to a screeching halt and the morning was hammered with the blaring of horns, but Jack remained still.
“Jack…” Tyler began.
“Wait for it.”
“Get the fuck out of the road!” one of the drivers shouted.
“Jack…” Kelly began.
“Wait for it.”
“What are you, retarded? Get out of the fucking road!” the driver shouted, climbing out of his car.
“Jack!” Victoria screamed.
“And here we go,” said Jack as the time reach 10:37.
In a bright flash, a line appeared in front of Jack, jagged and containing volume on all three axes. It was a crack, a crack in reality itself. Streaming from this crack came visible energy, forming a shed-sized sphere of light that looked like electrified neon. Gusts of wind began firing off from the sphere while the sky above went from blue to green and purple. Seeing what was going on, all of the drivers who had been honking their horns either tried to turn around or just climbed out of their cars and ran for their lives.
“What the hell is going on?!” Tyler shouted, trying to shield his eyes from the wind.
Wearing his usual smile, Jack turned to the three of them. “This is what was predicted by the Mayans, Hope Indians, and countless other indigenous groups and cultures throughout the history of your world. It is the beginning of the new celestial year, which is the equivalent of 5125.36 of your Earth years.”
“What is this, the end of the world?!” Kelly yelled.
“Far from it. The Mayan Calendar, as you call it, is just like any other calendar, resetting for the next year after its completion. However, what matters is what happens on this day and the opportunity it creates. Every celestial year, these cracks open up in our universe, not as a sign of damage or gradual deterioration, but as a sign of its imperfections. This universe is not what it was meant to be; it disobeyed time, something that is supposed to be impossible. This universe is flawed and filled with inferior matter and energy, gathered together into random clumps by gravity.”
“What are you talking about?” Victoria asked, stepping forward.
“Atoms, dark matter, gravity, magnetism, radioactivity… these are all abominations of nature. Quite simply, this universe is like a deformed newborn, imperfect compared to the rest of universes and dimensions within creation. These imperfections are ruining the harmony of existence and weighing down the other universes like a section of dead brain matter crippling the rest of the brain.
Cracks like this can be found across the universe, but they only appear at the beginning of a celestial cycle. So do you know what the smoking gun is? Life. Every spot in the universe that contains one of these cracks has a planet sharing the same space, a planet with life. Suffice to say, I lied a little bit about there being no difference between life and inanimate matter. The truth is that life is powered by a very unique form of energy, different from the energy that powers all other chemical reactions, and that energy leaks into this dimension through the cracks.”
“Who are you?” Victoria asked.
Hearing the question made Jack laugh. “There is no human word for what I am. You would be right if you said I was God, if I was an angel, and if I was an alien. The best definition I could give is that I am the soul of this universe and the manifestation of all life. I guess you could say that I am the Tree of Life and the essence of this dimension.”
“But you said you were human!”
“Yes, as in I took the form of a human when I arrived here. I came to this town seventeen years ago and chose a family to be born into because of the proximity to the crack. It was the easiest way to stay around it for when this day finally arrived. I came here, took the form of a fertilized embryo in my mother’s womb, and she gave birth to me, not knowing that I had chosen to be born. My powers are the result of my unnatural existence. Quite simply, I am an abomination brought forth by the birth of this imperfect universe, which in itself is an abomination. I am not supposed to exist, but I was born with the Big Bang due to the flaws of this universe. I was born with all of this knowledge, knowledge of everything. You could say that the only reason why I exist is because of those flaws.”
“What are you trying to do? What is your goal?” Tyler asked.
“Again, there is no human word to properly express what I shall achieve. I suppose the best name would be Celestial Nirvana. I am here to fix this crack in reality, just as I have fixed every other crack across the universe. Once that is done, all universes and dimensions shall merge together into a single space beyond all comprehension. Everything will be recreated and made perfect, and beginning and end will become one and the same in everlasting equilibrium.
This imperfect universe is preventing Celestial Nirvana and the perfection of all existence. This is the last world, the last crack in the universe. I have spent almost fifteen billion years traveling through the cosmos, closing each crack when the celestial year ends. With this, everything will become perfect. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have a universe to recreate.”
Jack turned to the sphere and placing his hand on it.
“No, Jack, don’t!” Victoria cried out.
Knocking the three humans off their feet, a deluge of energy shot up from the sphere and into the sky. Firing off through the vacuum of space faster than the speed of light, the beam of energy crossed the entire universe in only a few moments before striking the very fringe. Upon contact, the all-encompassing edge of the universe began to glow with the intensity of a billion suns and started to constrict. Closing in on itself, the edge of the universe devoured everything like a tidal wave of light, converting all it touched into a “perfect material”, something that was neither matter nor energy. It was both nothingness and everything.
With the one and only flaw in a limitless line of perfect universes and dimensions fixing itself, the merging process began to take place. Like cellular division in reverse, each dimensional plane began to merge with the others, creating one super space in which the concepts of existence and nonexistence no longer had any meaning or difference. Time was moving both forward and backward, the laws of physics were being undone, and the ability to define anything was disappearing. It was all-encompassing neutrality that no living mind could comprehend, a form of perfection that transcended all opinions and perceptions. It was beginning and end, infinity and nothing, it was beyond all reason and the formation of the fabric of space and time. Only Jack, the very soul and essence of his universe, could fathom the meaning of the Celestial Nirvana.
Fighting through the gusts of wind, Victoria rushed over to Jack and grasped his arm. “Jack, please! You have to stop this!”
“Why? You of all people should understand and appreciate what I am doing.”
“But I don’t want it to end this way!”
“I never expected to hear that from someone who had discovered the Self. Victoria, once this is completed, beginning and end will be both simultaneous and nonexistent. Everything you are will be recreated into the perfect form that all of Creation was meant to be. Every atom, every spark of energy, it will all be reformed and you shall truly become one with everything, including me. We will be joined in a way that words cannot describe, a true nirvana.”
“But if this was your goal, why did you bother helping us? Why did you become my boyfriend? Why did you come back?”
“Because I saw potential in all of you. I normally come to planets with life just before the end of the celestial year, but with Earth, I arrived early, seventeen years early. You humans fascinated me; you were the most interesting species I had ever encountered. Wanting to study you and having seventeen years to wait, I changed my form into that of a human embryo and entered this world to watch you humans until this day arrived. In the beginning, I simply sat back as an observer, but as I got older, I decided that I wasn’t living the full experience. I wanted to know what it meant to have friends, and as the years went on, curiosity filled me, curiosity for what it felt to feel true love.
I came to this school, wanting to fully immerse myself in your world one last time. I found wonderful people to talk with, laugh with, and teach. I made friends and got to see into their lives. And I found you, the most beautiful girl on Earth with a heart of gold, someone that could win the love of even a cosmic spirit like me. I love you, Victoria, and you and I will spend all of eternity together, just like you wanted.”
“Please, Jack, you don’t have to do this!”
“This is neither a matter of want or need, it is something I must do. Every organism must come to terms with its own creation to meet the end of its sentience peacefully, be that reproducing, choosing not to have offspring, or even destroying their own creators. That is what I am doing; I was created through a mistake, so it is my duty to fix that mistake. I was born with the ability to do this, so I must do this. This is the path laid out for me; I must erase the problem and install perfection and the Celestial Nirvana. This has been the conclusion of my life for almost fifteen billion years, to bring about perfect and ultimate peace.”
Victoria bit her lip, trying to think of something to say. Suddenly, it came to her. “I never expected you to want something so boring,” she said, prompting Jack to look at her quizzically. “You want to live in a perfect existence? It’s pathetic. Beauty is created from imperfection but perfection brings nothing. Your music, your books, your philosophies, and the woman you love are all the result of this flaw that you seem to loathe so much. If this perfect universe of yours does come to exist, will that honestly make you happy? You’ll just be a bunch of perfect particles in a perfect universe, completely devoid of thought or feeling.
There will be nothing for you to appreciate; you won’t even be able to feel appreciation. It will be the same as not existing at all. You aren’t doing this because you’re supposed to; you just think that perfection is the answer. You, who talks so much about value, are giving value to something that goes against everything you stand for.
You call this peace, but it’s nothing more than death. Life creates conflict, but true peace isn’t the absence of life. It is when life has the capability to cause conflict, but chooses not to. True peace isn’t a world without people; it’s a world where people can come together, despite their differences, and choose to exist in harmony.
The Self is the true identity of the person, the desires, fears, and feelings we possess but keep hidden with the Superego. You showed us our true selves not to make us perfect, help us understand one another! A world where people can be their true selves without fighting, that is peace! That is the possibility that you have given us!”
At her words, Jack looked back at the sphere of light in front of him and the beam of energy shooting up into space, having lost some of the color in his face.
“Ask yourself this, Jack: would you rather exist in a universe where you had no thoughts or sensations and there was nothing to experience, or would you exist in a universe with music and art? Would you rather exist as nothing but a pile of lifeless atoms in a universe filled with atoms just like yours? Or would you prefer to live in a universe where you could appreciate and study everything around you? Jack, would you rather exist in that hollow perfect universe as something without life, sensation, or meaning, or live in a universe where you are with me, an imperfect girl whom you love and who loves you with all of her heart?
Face it, you lost your temper back in that Washington garage because you cared about me so much that you couldn’t accept my death and you couldn’t forgive those guys. You know that what you are trying to achieve won’t bring you the same joy as spending a lifetime with the people you love. Admit it, love without life is meaningless, just like how life without love is meaningless.” Jack didn’t answer, he merely stared at her with his smile gone. “I made this for you for your birthday. Would you rather live in a meaningless universe where it has no value or doesn’t even exist?”
She reached into her pocket and pulling out a folded piece of paper. Unfolding it, she handed it to Jack. It was a sketch of the two of them embracing each other in the same position as the sketch Jack had seen in her room. It was exactly what they had looked like on the night they made love.
“You say that the majority of reality is what you make of it and the values you add. Why would you want a reality where you are incapable of perception and there is nothing to value? Is being perfect really better than being alive and happy? Is being perfect really better than being in a world with music to listen to, a world with books to read, a world with people to help, a world with friends to talk to, and a world with someone to love?”
Jack looked away from her and stared at his hand, pressed against the orb of light. His mind was raging struggling to come up with a decision. His entire existence had been culminating all for this one purpose, this one action that would shape everything. But was there more to his existence than that? Was it possible that he was wrong? No, he couldn’t be wrong, this was his purpose. But what if his purpose was as flawed as the universe itself? What if this imperfect universe was supposed to exist this way? What if that itself made reality perfect? Was the presence of this imperfect universe what made the true Celestial Nirvana perfect? But if he had the ability to mend the fabric of reality and implement the Celestial Nirvana, didn’t that mean he was meant to? Or was that simply applying meaning to his existence because of a flawed perception?
“You told me that all you wanted was to make others happy and to be happy. So do it, Jack, be happy. Don’t do what you think you’re supposed to do, do what will make you happy.”
Slowly, Jack lowered his hand and took it off the orb of light, causing the energy beam to come to a stop, as well as the universal rebirthing process. As the beginning of the new celestial cycle came to an end, the crack closed back up and the sky returned to its normal color. Silence had returned.
With a small smile, he turned back to Victoria. “I’ve waited almost fifteen billion years for this… what’s another 5125.36 years? I’ll let this universe continue to shine on for a while longer. I guess I’ll come back and try again when you won’t be around to nag at me.”
Crying tears of joy, Victoria wrapped her arms around his neck and hugged him as tightly as possible. “Forget it, you’re going to make me immortal so that I can make sure you don’t destroy the universe. Oh god, Jack, I love you so much.”
“I love you too, Victoria, and you’re right, I would rather be in an imperfect universe where I am happy than a perfect universe where I am incapable of feeling anything. I’m sorry for scaring you, all of you.”
“I don’t think we’re the ones you should be apologizing to for the scare. The whole world is probably flipping out with how the sky changed color. Is there anything you can do to fix it?” Tyler asked with a sigh of relief as he and Kelly walked over.
“Sure.”
Now that Jack had revealed who he was, there was no longer any need to hide his powers and what he was truly capable of as the soul of the universe. Without so much as a twitch of his eye, every single human being on the planet, save for Victoria, Kelly, and Tyler, exploded into a molecular mess, broken down at the atomic level. Before the bloody mist could even settle or stain the surroundings, everyone was reformed exactly as they had been before, save for their memory of the past few minutes being wiped.
With every single human frozen in time, waiting for Jack to restore life to them, he used the opportunity to repair anything that might have been damaged in the panic, rearranging the atoms back into their original places and making everything good as new. Everything completed, he kick-started everyone on the planet, returning them to their schedule with nobody being the wiser.
“There, it’s done. Aside from us, nobody knows about what just happened.”
“Well then I suggest we get to class. Since the universe isn’t getting a remodeling, detention is still an issue,” Kelly said with a small laugh.
“Jeez, it’s not even 11:00 and I’m mentally exhausted,” Tyler sighed, turning around and walking back towards the school with Kelly.
Jack and Victoria remained in the empty intersection.
“I love you, Jack,” she said again.
“I love you too,” he replied, wrapping his hand around hers.
“Oh, and Jack? Happy birthday.”
The End
To my loyal fans who loved this story when I posted it 4 years ago and the new fans who will love it now, I have good news! I’ve published it on amazon! The new version has updated writing, more characters, and new content.
You can find it here:
https://www.amazon.com/Sephirot-Atticus-Greene/dp/1522920080/ref=sr_1_1_twi_pap_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1480181746&sr=8-1&keywords=Sephirot+Atticus+Greene
You can also find the published version of Light of Hellfire, Hellsteel, again with updated writing, more characters, and new content.
https://www.amazon.com/Hellsteel-War-Arrived-Atticus-Greene/dp/1511648406/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1456886268&sr=8-1&keywords=Hellsteel
As well as My Dear Sweet Slave:
https://www.amazon.com/Dear-Sweet-Slave-Hannibal-North-ebook/dp/B01GBQW806?ie=UTF8&keywords=My%20Dear%20Sweet%20Slave&qid=1464886508&ref_=sr_1_1&sr=8-1
And The Man of Sin:
https://www.amazon.com/Man-Sin-Hannibal-North/dp/1530131006/ref=sr_1_3?ie=UTF8&qid=1457326345&sr=8-3&keywords=The+Man+of+Sin